Think the way people use the term 'trans widow' is insensitive to actual widows?

[justmaybenot]

The wives of men who have transitioned often use the term 'trans widow' and some of the responses to this letter from an actual widow have expressed some envy for someone whose husband has died rather than transitioned. AIBU to think it's overblown and deeply insensitive to liken the experience of your dh transitioning to the position of someone whose dh has actually died? This is the letter rachelemoss.com/2021/06/24/a-letter-to-trans-widows-from-an-actual-widow/

absolute aggression against me here

Literal violets

It's not offensive, it being used as political point scoring and taking a kick at the transwidows at the same time is just a bonus

@merrymouse

But there are plenty of reasons people can change in a marriage that mean they are no longer compatible, and it’s alright then to say goodbye.

This is a complete misunderstanding of why this topic is in the news.

This is the current law:

“you are married under the law of England and Wales or under the law of a country or territory outside the UK, then your marriage is considered to be a ‘protected marriage’. Applicants who are in a protected marriage can choose to apply for a full GRC. For this both the applicant and their spouse will each need to complete a statutory declaration confirming their wish to remain married post gender recognition. If a spouse decides not to issue a statutory declaration or withdraws it before the application is dealt with, then the Panel will instead issue an interim GRC, which can be used by the applicant (or their spouse) to end the marriage following which a full GRC will be issued.”

It enables the ‘trans widow’ to end the marriage before the GRC is granted, through divorce or annulment.

It enables them to have some control over a contract.

Stonewall want the transitioning spouse to be given unilateral control over the terms of the marriage without the consent of the other party.

Remember that a GRC makes it illegal in many circumstances to reveal somebody’s trans status, so in effect a veil must be drawn over the trans widow’s life.

How on earth can anyone think that would be anything other than abusuve?

Excellent question. OP?

The responses to the OP have been polite, making the obvious rebuttals to her assertions and asking her to consider the actual experiences of those who she is publicly shaming and criticising. The fact that the OP is characterising disagreement as "aggression" is just absurd.

Why oh why must women always be subject to rape threats if they irritate a man, or or group of men?

Also wondering if OP has read the relevant stories linked to and whether or not they have found some of those ‘compelling’ too. Would be good to know whether or not they have actually paid any attention to that side of the equation.

@Theunamedcat

In there mind the man they married has died

We don't need to make everything a competition grief is grief

I would say it's not necessarily in their minds, but rather that popular transgender culture dictates that to refer to a transgender person as or by their past self is "deadening" them. Hence they are widows.

@AssassinatedBeauty

The responses to the OP have been polite, making the obvious rebuttals to her assertions and asking her to consider the actual experiences of those who she is publicly shaming and criticising. The fact that the OP is characterising disagreement as "aggression" is just absurd.

It's very standard in response to women who won't just roll over and take shit. 100 years ago we would have been called "unwomanly"...

I should add that the requirement not to reveal trans status still means that the trans widow loses control over some of the narrative of her own life after the marriage has ended, but at least under current law she can extricate herself from the marriage (and deal with all the bureaucracy ) before the GRC is granted.

@SupermanInk

Because we haven't reported it.

I’ve reported posts like this in the ‘wrong’ sections. Always ignored. Funny that.

We're the wrong type of reporter, I suspect?

(full GRC is granted).

@Thelnebriati

Wishing you strength, wishing you peace.

Sorry, one more thought. So OP, if a woman says, "I feel like a widow", your position is that it's acceptable to say to that person, "well you're not"? or, "how would you know what being a widow feels like?"

Is your position different when a male says, "I feel like a woman" or a female says, "I feel like a man"? If so, why?

@Tinysalmonswimminginastream

And how come the words 'woman/wife/mother' are fair game to be appropriated but the word 'widow' is not?

It's almost like males can do what the fuck they want and females must always do as they are told....

Boom.

Was wondering where my posts went on this thread and trying to catch up. Then I realised it is an identical thread.

Why not go to a forum to ask the general public rather than targeting the one place "people who were married to men, who have now identified as women" come to tell their stories and seek support.

If you are going to come to this doorstep to do this, at least have the respect to read those stories and understand their experiences.

If a woman's abusive husband dies, after years of abuse, is she allowed to call herself a widow? Even though her overwhelming feeling is relief? Or is it only widows whose husbands were loving that are allowed to use the term?

So if both the relieved woman and the devastated woman can use the word, is it just semantics that these women can't?

The thing is, transwidows have been finding each other and offering mutual support for several years.

They weren't targeted like this.

It's because their experiences are reaching a wider audience.

@SpindleWhorl

absolute aggression against me here

Literal violets

Those look like campanulas ...

But to the OP, YABVVVU.

Usages such as 'grass widow' have existed since about 1699. This is a perfectly normal type of verbal construct.

Oh yes, it’s a concerted effort to bully and harass, that’s quite obvious. Punishment for throwing light on the situation.

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

Still, at least this version of the thread is on AIBU with voting on.

I’m half inclined to think the OP must be playing Devils Advocate here, except for the fact that the other thread garnered some deeply unpleasant posts and this one may too.

Why not go to a forum to ask the general public rather than targeting the one place "people who were married to men, who have now identified as women" come to tell their stories and seek support

I'm actually not on MN much at all, I'd no idea this is the one place people come to tell their stories and thought AIBU was a general thread - as I said, I searched for 'trans widow' on MN before posting. I've clearly been naive, I'll ask for the thread to be deleted if that's best.

There’s absolutely no need for the thread to be deleted.

I'll ask for the thread to be deleted if that's best.

Shocked.

I wonder if you'd be considering asking for a deletion if the voting wasn't going so heavily against you, even here on a general board?

It would be much better to let the thread stand.

This is what happened when i searched for the term trans widow FYI - not everyone who posts about this is a troll/trying to goad you/acting in bad faith