To tell SILs and MIL to sod off?

[isshelpv]

I have two otherwise very nice SILs and MIL. Although they're very set in their ways!

DD was born 5 days ago. After the loss of DD1, then DD2, then DS2. All neonatal deaths. I have a lovely DS as well as DD so we are now done.

Both SILs and MIL are really not best pleased with what I'm doing. They are fine otherwise and very supportive but they are making comments and I don't know how to answer

DD is co-sleeping with me, in DS's (double) bed. DH is in our room. They say this set up is all wrong! DS is going to get too use to me and DD being there, this is a very very bad idea. I said it's working lovely for now, DS is autistic and he has taken very well to all this, I think us sleeping together plus a huge part. SIL said NO, not my kids. Could never be me! Other SIL just nodded her head. MIL says 'well, you'll regret it'.

They also know how much I've spent on my pram and MIL thinks 'I've got more money than sense, but little of both'

They are most annoyed about the breastfeeding, all of them think it's absolutely not okay beyond 12 months. DS was breastfed until age 3... and still is secretly every now and then! If he's sad etc and it's bed time

There are other little comments too. I feel so sad. I try not to put myself in a position where the answer to a question can be picked apart, but it's hard going.

How do you handle these questions and negativity? It sounds ridiculous but it's raining on my newborn experience

@Overdueanamechange

The rod for your own back is a load of rubbish. My DF lived in developing countries for many years and talked about how babies and toddlers were permanently strapped to their mothers, but, and I quote "those kids did not grow up soft". Co sleeping though is dangerous.

Did your DF not tell you that the babies in those developing countries cosleep? Because they definitely do.

did I read you said baby was almost term? How many weeks was babe born and what was their birth weight? You might want to double check with the lullaby trust around that if you haven’t already.

Baby was born at 36+6

@Mypathtriedtokillme

If your following co-sleeping safety then it’s great. We had both our DD’s in a pod between our pillows as a newborn then on my side when older.

The hardest person I’ve had to ween off co-sleeping was DH.
It was the only time he got cuddles with our oldest who used to kick him and shout “MY Mummy, Not you!” till he till about 3 when finally the allegiance changed from me and it was ALL about daddy.
Both of our girls now sleep on their own in their own beds but DH still gives them a cuddle till they sleep (they are 7 and 4) when it’s his turn for bedtime.

This is so sweet, how lovely x

@Cyw2018

I found memorising the WHO breastfeeding guidelines key point (and the equivalent for safe bedsharing) and then quoting back exactly the same thing (word for word for greatest effect) every time the subject came up got boring for everyone VERY quickly and therefore people stopped mentioning it.

I've tired doing this, BUT WHO use confusing language like 'Up to 2 years and beyond' should say 'At least 2 years and beyond if possible'