To think that parents don’t often know how shitty their dc’s behaviour is at school

[SpaceRaiders]

Dd9 moved to a new school in March. Whilst we’re happy with the school in other areas, she’s found the boys in her class a real challenge. I’ve heard nothing bad things from her since. From disruptive classes, shouting out and swearing to low level bullying. There seems to be the same boys being disruptive but seemingly the entire class gets reprimanded.

I’m guessing the other parents aren’t fully aware what’s going on during school. They certainly will after today’s incident, where a parent has found out about some awful things that have been said and kicked off on WhatsApp. I won’t go into details as it may be outing for all involved. But I’ve been really appalled by what I’m hearing and it’s completely unexpected from the lovely well to do area that we live in. I’d be absolutely appalled if it were my child.

I would expect the school to speak to me I’d DS wasn’t behaving. In fact, his teacher had a word a few weeks ago as he was misbehaving for a few days. We disciplined him by not giving him his weekly treat, and checked in with the teacher the following week to see if behaviour had improved

And I think little girls can be as bad as boys for misbehaving: just that they can be sneakier about it. I was bullied in primary: the girls involved always waited until teacher was outside the class

Some of the comments I read on Mumsnet on a daily basis, about how DC has been wronged by an evil teacher make me laugh.

I guess sometimes children try to do things to impress other children at school which they would not have done it at home . So parents would have no idea about it.
Lots of things which are wrong but children thinks it's cool from learnt behaviour could be from other children, social media or tv perhaps.
I think any parent would condemn any alarming behaviour if they know before hand

I'm a teacher, and I can tell you that parents NEVER know what their children are really like. Almost all parents are convinced that their children are angels, even when they are absolute terrors.

Oh the parents know. They're really do. It's why their children are like that.

I watched a 10 year old boy having a right go at a teacher who was telling him and his friends off at sports day. The kid ended up telling teacher to fuck off. The kid's gran and mum were stood nearby watching. Both professional, working women of good standing. Just shit at parenting I guess.

Just recently a group of 3 11yo boys came out of school and started kicking the hell out of a public bin for a laugh, right in front of one of their parent's cars (picking them up). I watched her sit bored, looking at her son trying to smash up the bin and the only time she reacted was when a policeman they hadn't noticed started going ballistic at them. Her reaction was an eye roll. She never even got out of the car. She just shrugged and looked slightly embarrassed as I have her a "WTF?" Face.

The parents know.

@Youdiditanyway

Since parents aren’t with their children at school, the only way they will know is if someone makes them aware. If the teacher knows about the behaviour, they should be the ones informing the parents otherwise how do you expect the parents will find out?

There is absolutely no way that a teacher, especially a high school teacher, could inform every parent about every instance of bad behaviour throughout the day. Teachers have around 150 pupils to teach, and there is often low level disruption in most lessons. Parents will be informed if their child does something like hits another child, but not for other things. It would add another two hours onto a day that already only ends at 8 pm due to prep/marking etc.

I think schools don't say anything anymore because they probably get ignored by the parents at best, and end up suspended at worst from some parent who has taken great offense at the idea their child is badly behaved. They can't win, ever, with parents. They are seen as childcare basically by a lot of parents, not educators.

I'd want to know if my child was behaving badly in school so I could do something about it. But the teachers can't know if that means I'd sort out my kid or complain about the teacher do they? And when it's their job on the line, I wouldn't take the risk either.

I'm sure someone has already mentioned his but "lovely well to do area" does in no way equate to 'naice' behaviour at school.

Many parents also refuse to believe teachers or believe irrefutable facts when they are informed about the poor behaviour of their cherubim.

Yanbu. I know a mum who is furious with the school for ‘picking on’ her child.

Her child has been badly behaved in the class for years, and it’s escalated to the child hurling abuse at the teachers on a daily basis, refusing to work or sit still, disrupting lessons all the time etc.

The mum refuses to accept that her child has done anything unusual and says that her child is lovely and their behaviour is typical for their age. Mum is deluded but what can you do?!

If the teachers or any childcare setting had to tell parents about their child’s poor behaviour in class everyday-nothing would get done.It only gets a mention if things are really bad. I would lobe to be able to show the truth of what happens where I work- especially quite a few parents who just cannot imagine their child would be rude/aggressive/belligerent/sexist/racist etc .
Or have fingers clicked at them to get their attention like a waiter with a rude customer- that was learnt behaviour from an adult!

@SpaceRaiders

Perhaps I should have posted;

Some children.

Nor all parents.

Not all boys.

Let’s not forget about the girls.

Not all schools.

And certainly not ones with catchments in deprived areas.

Clearly I’m just a goady, judgemental cow.

MN is such a weird place at times. Thanks for all the measured responses.

Well yes. I’m glad you recognise you’re judgemental. It’s the first step to improving your behaviour.

@EssexCat You’re just a peach aren’t you.

Slightly different but my DD has been bullied for 2 years at school by the same girl. It's been witnessed, bully have been spoken to, it's persistent. I eventually asked if they had told the parent so it could be addressed at home and the answer was no. They would deal I house. I was also told under no circumstances was I to speak to parents either. It continues 🤷🏼‍♀️

@ScrumptiousBears I’m pretty shocked by that. We’re you told that by the school? But I imagine that’s for everyone’s safety. It doesn’t make it any easier on your DD.

My good friends ds was bullied by a boy in Y5, unfortunately this boy has followed friends dc pretty much everywhere socially and educationally. Parents have defended their son since the start even when there have been witnesses. Both boys now in Y9 and the incidents have been allowed to escalate to the point where, the parents who were once good friends are no longer on speaking terms as the bullies parents refuse to address what has been happening.

[quote SpaceRaiders]@EssexCat You’re just a peach aren’t you. [/quote]
I’m not the one who was surprised that bad behaviour happens in ‘well to-do schools’ as if only poor kids are badly behaved.