To have said this?

[TheFrogNGoose]

I've been feeling quite underappreciated by DH recently and we had a bit of a row about it the other day. I ended up shouting to him that he would now need to sort everything for his children. Tbh I feel like it's the only card I really have as I know he struggles to do a lot of stuff without me helping.

I feel like I do everything for DC, ours and his and he seems to forget that this is, in regards to DSC, a favour to him and not something I am obligated to do.

Things like taking them to and from school. I now won't do it and he is having to get to work late/leave early to do it on his days (self employed). I can tell he is sulking about it and wanting to ask me again to keep doing it.

I also always sort out things for lunches all the time so the other day I told him a few times that he'd need to get something in for them on the way home and he didn't. So I didn't remind him again meaning he had to go early in the morning to the shop and get something which he was cross about.

He said he thinks I shouldn't be 'bringing the children into our issues' which I feel is just a way to guilt me into continue doing this.

So AIBU to say that doing these things absolutely are a favour to him and if he doesn't appreciate the things I do, including for DSC, then I am not unreasonable to stop doing it.

Good for you

Do you work?
I think you are being petty tbh
And you should treat single out dsc either

By all means stop doing things for him - but these are your children and I kind of agree with him

What happens if he doesn’t do it? Your children don’t go to school? Don’t get fed?

@millymollymoomoo

Do you work? I think you are being petty tbh And you should treat single out dsc either

By all means stop doing things for him - but these are your children and I kind of agree with him

What happens if he doesn’t do it? Your children don’t go to school? Don’t get fed?

Well this is point. Yes they would go to school and yes they would be fed obviously. He would do it. He just prefers me to do it because it's better for him. But he never appreciates that or anything else I do and so I'm sick of it.

I work yes but quite flexibly (also SE).

@millymollymoomoo I think she is referring to HIS children not hers

[quote MostlyHappyMummy]@millymollymoomoo I think she is referring to HIS children not hers[/quote]
I am yes.

Good for you. He is using his own children to guilt you - not the other way around. He wants to dump his job on you. Stand up for yourself.

so have i got this right?

you have had a row with your DH and now refusing to take DSC to school, or feed them?

If i have understood that correctly, you are being awful.

I dont agree helping with the DSC is a favor to him, you are all a family

You’re right. If he hadn’t expected you to do his jobs in the first place he wouldn’t have got used to being able to avoid them and wouldn’t now be feeling it so much. His problem.

It was never your place to care more than he did his children. And if he’s struggling to meet all of their needs he shouldn’t have added to his work load by having more children. Oh well.

Hold firm.

@lovelybitofsquirrell

so have i got this right?

you have had a row with your DH and now refusing to take DSC to school, or feed them?

If i have understood that correctly, you are being awful.

I dont agree helping with the DSC is a favor to him, you are all a family

Why shouldn’t their father be feeding them or taking them to school? They’re there to spend time with him.

They’re still being fed and driven around, but by their actual parent.

What I think is unreasonable is seeing a difference between your DC and your step DC.

You are pretty for bringing the children into your argument.

@lovelybitofsquirrell So what is her husband doing to behave lovingly as his wife is also his family? Where's his respect and consideration for her? Or does teamwork not count as she's biologically obligated since she's female and a stepmother? He's been a lazy ass expecting her to do the grunt work?

I read these posts so frequently, and its always some useless dad whose gone and got himself another house elf with a vagina to do all the heavy lifting of his own children. Id not just be telling him he needs to do the school runs and cooking for his kids, but its time he paid you back and did it for your kids too. Yeah I know haha, when pigs fly. Good luck.

Totally depends on your family set up. If all kids are school age but say you only work 16h in your self employment, whilst he works long hours and the family is mainly supported by him, then I don't think it's unreasonable you should do more for the kids, and it's fair to include his.

If however you work long hours bring at least 50% of the household income, then childcare should be much more shared and you are doing the right thing.

I’m with you OP.

You don’t sound like much of a team.

I don’t think you should treat your SC different to your own in a blended family.

@Scarlettpixie

You don’t sound like much of a team.

I don’t think you should treat your SC different to your own in a blended family.

No I don't feel we are a team because my contribution is not valued hence why I'm doing this now

So what's your situation like? He has children from a previous relationship and you have children together? How much time do they spend at your home?

You're married. Have you given up career opportunities/earning power so that he can do what he wants in his own career?

Half agree, I think all kids should be treated the same. By all means make him do some lunches and runs, but it should apply equally to all the kids in your joint care.

@AnneLovesGilbert

*Why shouldn’t their father be feeding them or taking them to school? They’re there to spend time with him.

They’re still being fed and driven around, but by their actual parent*

I get your point, but if OP is making dinner for joint DC and taking joint DC to school - why not include dsc

Completely agree father needs to pull his weight. but i dont think it should be taken out on DSC.

Maybe im projecting my own issues on OP. My DC are treated very differently at their fathers house to his partners children and it utterly breaks my heart.

I'm with you on this. He's basically got himself a skivvy and thought you wouldn't notice.

How long has this been going on for?

That said, I wouldn't treat the step dc different from your own.

He said he thinks I shouldn't be 'bringing the children into our issues' which I feel is just a way to guilt me into continue doing this.

How can you ever discuss issues concerning care fir the children with that attitude?

At least you have a good reason for not doing things for the kids at the moment - what was his excuse for the last however long?

So are you still doing all this for your joint children and just excluding the step children. Or have you ceased caring for all the childen?
Are you making lunch your yours and then telling DH that he has to go out and buy food for the others?
Are the children there to hear you say they arent mine you look after them?

So our DC are small and not in school so it's not s case of dropping one lot of kids at school and not the others or making packed lunch for one and not the other. These are things I do for DSC which I don't need to for ours on top of looking after our DC most of the time.

@lovelybitofsquirrell

so have i got this right?

you have had a row with your DH and now refusing to take DSC to school, or feed them?

If i have understood that correctly, you are being awful.

I dont agree helping with the DSC is a favor to him, you are all a family

I totally agree. You’ve married a man with children, you can’t now start picking and choosing whether to be involved with their day to day lives or not. If there’s an issue with him not doing enough, then you need to address that with him, not take it out on his kids.

So what is your solution then? I don't think he does enough for his kids but I'm also not allowed to stop doing anything for his kids either? How is that ever supposed to change then?