To have said this?

[TheFrogNGoose]

I've been feeling quite underappreciated by DH recently and we had a bit of a row about it the other day. I ended up shouting to him that he would now need to sort everything for his children. Tbh I feel like it's the only card I really have as I know he struggles to do a lot of stuff without me helping.

I feel like I do everything for DC, ours and his and he seems to forget that this is, in regards to DSC, a favour to him and not something I am obligated to do.

Things like taking them to and from school. I now won't do it and he is having to get to work late/leave early to do it on his days (self employed). I can tell he is sulking about it and wanting to ask me again to keep doing it.

I also always sort out things for lunches all the time so the other day I told him a few times that he'd need to get something in for them on the way home and he didn't. So I didn't remind him again meaning he had to go early in the morning to the shop and get something which he was cross about.

He said he thinks I shouldn't be 'bringing the children into our issues' which I feel is just a way to guilt me into continue doing this.

So AIBU to say that doing these things absolutely are a favour to him and if he doesn't appreciate the things I do, including for DSC, then I am not unreasonable to stop doing it.

The sense of entitlement he has is quite something.

If your joint kiddos are little, I'd suggest it's a carry over from maternity leave and the attitude that you're at home anyway, so I'll just leave everything child-related to you. Grrrr.

Keep it up. He needs to understand that he's the one actually responsible for his children when they're with him. Hope it opens his eyes about what his responsibilities are for ALL his children.
If it doesn't, you need to decide if it's a deal breaker or not.

I think what you're doing is fine.

If you were treating his and your kids differently then that wouldnt be good. If he had a job where it was very difficult for him to do these tasks then that might not be fair if you stopped helping with no notice.

But as it stands, you are just forcing him to do his share of the drudge of dull bits of parenting, without negative effect on him (other than pissinf him off, but it's not causing him less sleep or getting him into trouble at work or anything that actually matters) or any negative effect on the kids (they still get their packed lunch, they still get taken to school and so maybe actually spend more time with their dad). So why not

presumably you are suffering financially from his time off work!

Not at all. He doesn't lose any time at work making a packed lunch anyway but the school runs don't take that much up of his day and his work doesn't really go like that anyway. He's quite happy and able to be flexible with it when it suits him.

YANBU obviously. I feel for you, it must be exhausting for you to get him to pull his weight.

Is there tension in the house because he feel he has been wronged?
Does he share the parenting of your own children?

I'm assuming that you've tried all the reasonable options involving talking and working something out, then actually changing things? If so and nothing has changed, then that doesn't leave many options.
It's a depressing situation and there aren't any easy answers.

This thread is appalling honestly. The amount of women who are happy for another woman to be taken completely for granted and do the 'wife work' just so that a man doesn't have to actually step up is laughable.

It doesn’t bloody surprise me on here to be honest. Depressingly, it happens all the time.
Somehow the men in these situations aren’t the problem and the stepmum is the one who should be bending over backwards to make everyone happy.

@funinthesun19

You’ve married a man with children, you can’t now start picking and choosing whether to be involved with their day to day lives or not.

Bit ironic seeing as the FATHER is picking and choosing where HE wants to be involved and you’re placing the blame heavily on the op?

This!! It's okay for the father to opt out of caring for his children, but not their step mother! What the fuck?!

OP YANBU. Your 'D'H is a dickhead.

@Ohmygoshandfolly

Difficult situation by the sounds of things. I never understand why anyone chooses to marry someone who already has children if they don’t really want anything to do with said children. I think when you marry and then have children with someone, their existing children are a part of that family too and every bit as important even though they aren’t biologically yours. You work together as a family and do whatever works best for you all. He’s now late to work because you won’t take his children to school for very little reason other than pettiness.

She's not ss

@Ohmygoshandfolly

Difficult situation by the sounds of things. I never understand why anyone chooses to marry someone who already has children if they don’t really want anything to do with said children. I think when you marry and then have children with someone, their existing children are a part of that family too and every bit as important even though they aren’t biologically yours. You work together as a family and do whatever works best for you all. He’s now late to work because you won’t take his children to school for very little reason other than pettiness.

Where has she said she doesn't want to do anything with her husband's children? She hasn't, she's just said she doesn't want to do everything for them (so he, their actual father) does nothing! I think she wants a balance and is happy to help care for them but doesn't want it to all be down to her.

Stick to your guns. He'll get better at it and start planning food and his time better. He needs to step up, it's unacceptable to expect you to do it.

@Sunshine4you

Women like this clearly only ever cared for the man and having their own children with him. They didn't take it as a package deal and love his children whole heartedly before they had their own. As a child to a step mother who was like this when I was small.. I have no compassion or care for threads like these.

I mean, the idea that women should care so deeply about her SC she wants to be the one to take them to school without fail, and if she doesn't we should somehow be appalled by her, is a bit laughable really isn't it.

You may not have any compassion or care but it seems you also don't have any proper insight.

Yeah. I've learned a lot about being taken a mug of recently.
If he's taking the piss the resentment will build and build. It will be very damaging.
Op has had her husband's needs and the top of his list and so has her husband. That's a shit example for the kids whichever way you look at it.

I'm thinking his inability to do basic parenting is one reason he has an ex to begin with.

If he's taking the piss the resentment will build and build. It will be very damaging.

This is so very very true. And then it will still be the op who’s in the wrong because she feels resentful 🙄