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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Best/worst/untraceable revenge

479 replies

namechangeforwrongdoing · 22/06/2021 21:12

Just tell me the best (worst?) but most untraceable acts of revenge/comeuppance that you've heard....Asking for a friend.....Wink

OP posts:
thedancingbear · 23/06/2021 16:36

@NotPersephone

Suggested my ultimate fantasy was to shag him in the on top position while he was incapacitated by being wrapped in cling film.

Laughed my arse off watching him jump after me with his tiny, now-flaccid penis hanging out. Grin (I’d already taken the precaution of filling all his coat pockets with Branston pickle in case he tried to follow me outside).

Brilliant! Sexual assault is all shits and giggles, isn't it?

Fucking idiot.

ravenmum · 23/06/2021 16:40

The guy wanted to have sex wrapped in clingfilm; he was all excited about it. The woman didn't mean it, though: she wrapped him up and then left him wrapped, no sex, and left: the revenge was that he was disappointed and it would have been hard for him to undo the clingfilm.

NotPersephone · 23/06/2021 16:43

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

SionnachRua · 23/06/2021 16:44

I sped up my boyfriend's click speed on his mouse once. Was very funny when all of a sudden, double clicking wouldn't work for him...

porkincider · 23/06/2021 16:45

Fucking hell that guy could’ve died trapped in cling film Confused. There’s a massive difference between changing someone’s key words in their phone and leaving someone naked and tied up!

caringcarer · 23/06/2021 16:48

When I found my ex had been having an affair with his best friends wife I told his best friend. He smashed his face in, breaking his nose in 2 places, black eyes and split lip. I did this 3 days before he had a very important business meeting that he could not change as person came over from US to meet up with him. I'd have loved to hear his explanation of what happened to his face and where his wife was.

NotPersephone · 23/06/2021 16:50

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

OurChristmasMiracle · 23/06/2021 16:50

I haven’t blocked my ex and since I kicked him out I am now no longer funding him so I have more money and have been able to do more things which he can clearly see. He hates that I am doing better without him and have freedom and money whilst he run off with another woman who doesn’t let him do anything and they can barely afford the rent!

He asked me a while back to send him some money and I just sent him a laughing face.

Babygotblueyes · 23/06/2021 16:53

I was bullied out of a job by my manager and his horrible boss. Tried to move within the company but horrible boss blocked it, and took the opportunity to make some really nasty personal comments to me. Made me work a full 3 months notice. I did not tell anyone what he had done, but his secretary did and it was all over the company. My manager and horrible boss were fired 6 months later, partly because of what they had done. About 6 years later I came back to do a short piece of work for the company. Turned out horrible boss was now the head of a consultancy which was doing some work for us about - oh the irony - bullying at work. Met him at a work event and engaged him in a long conversation about the work we had commissioned and how bullying at work is so prevalent, and unfair, etc etc. He couldn't walk away because they were hoping for some more work from us which I was in a position to commission. He was squirming by the time I let him go, and over his shoulder I could see the rest of the people there, who all knew the back story, pissing themselves laughing.

ravenmum · 23/06/2021 16:53

@NotPersephone People are reacting to your post based on the level of some of the other replies - a deleting cat killing, serious injury through superglue, or the "caring carer" above who's just admitted to a punishable crime.

Changethetoner · 23/06/2021 16:54

The soap on a toothbrush trick. Invisible to the naked eye. It's been 19yrs, and I'm still not sorry.

MondayYogurt · 23/06/2021 16:54

@edwinbear

I can’t take the credit for the idea as I got it from MN, but I bought up all the domain names for his business. Best £100 I ever spent.
This also works for their business social media accounts...and it's free.
KeflavikAirport · 23/06/2021 17:08

Cheating ex with a huge CD collection. Took them all out of their cases and muddled them up.

Fromage · 23/06/2021 17:19

My sister was on holiday with her ex pighusband when she discovered he had been having an affair. She came home early, taking his passport with her.

Dohrehmee · 23/06/2021 17:32

A group of women bullied me as they were jealous I got on And did the work. They started a vicious campaign belittling me and telling lies One woman made a log of all the things I had done. It got too much. . On my last day, I wiped my bum and rubbed it into the bullies sandwich. She ate those sandwiches with love. The other bully was kicked out as she had been rude to a customer.

MostTacticalNameChange · 23/06/2021 17:32

It's hard to live a good life (in the short-medium term at least) if someone has hurt you physically, emotionally or financially. And some repercussions can last a lifetime, like bullying which can mess up your education and self esteem seriously limiting your life choices. So I totally get the urge for revenge - it's natural when someone has taken your power.

But I can't imagine much satisfaction with all the toothbrush in the loo, bum sweat on their cup stuff - they will never know, and unless it poisons them (which hopefully no one means to do), there's no harm done - it is no punishment for them.

For me, they'd have to know I was behind whatever was done, to know I haven't let them 'get away' with hurting me. But I'd also need it to never come back on me and not make me look psycho. Probably not possible.

Upgrading to better partners/jobs is a good one but it's not revenge is it. Unless you are doing it solely to make them jealous and get their reaction, it's just a nice side effect.

I have a vile ex boss and 2 horrid exes that I wish zero success on but I'd never risk their downfall being linked to me.

ILoveYourLittleHat · 23/06/2021 17:45

@SionnachRua

I sped up my boyfriend's click speed on his mouse once. Was very funny when all of a sudden, double clicking wouldn't work for him...
If they use Word for work, change their autocorrect settings, so normal words are changed to slightly rude or odd ones. "Counting" becomes "cunting", "arise" to "arse" etc.
GreyhoundG1rl · 23/06/2021 17:59

On my last day, I wiped my bum and rubbed it into the bullies sandwich
Oh, get out of it. How on earth would you have access to her sandwiches, even supposing you'd be disgusting enough to do this?

81Byerley · 23/06/2021 18:01

I made the OW very suspicious by continuing to be very affectionate to my ex when we met at family occasions, and signing birthday cards to him "With my love always". Still very friendly and affectionate to him now, and he and my husband get on very well. The OW is long gone!

MostTacticalNameChange · 23/06/2021 18:17

Another one wondering how you collected enough cat piss to dilute rum (or any cat piss at all tbh, unless you squeezed it out of cat litter, which is much more of a punishment for you than her).

And how you wiped your bum on sandwiches without her noticing the sandwich had been taken apart/ bread ripped etc. Or if you ended up with tuna mayonnaise or corned beef up your bumhole, which, again, is punishment for you rather than her. And if she enjoyed the sandwiches, then where's the revenge - she'll never know you got one over on her.

Eskarina1 · 23/06/2021 18:26

On the best revenge is living well, I did get some vicarious enjoyment from watching fil mooning over mil. He cheated on her a lot when they were married. She threw him out. Decades later they spent a bit of time together as grandparents and he made it very clear he'd never stopped loving her. She could not have been less interested, not angry, not sorry, just he was irrelevant to her and she was loving her life.

Newestname001 · 23/06/2021 18:36

@Pandora64

I probably will let her sweat for a bit, then help and just move on to be honest. The person in question is such a bitch, I really think that living with herself must be like living with a stink she can’t get rid of because it’s her own. And I don’t want to be contaminated any more than I have to be.

I'm sure this is the right thing to do. It would grind my gears to do it, but maybe it would be a weight off and you can leave her in your past, where she belongs... 🌹

turtletaub · 23/06/2021 18:37

@MostTacticalNameChange

Another one wondering how you collected enough cat piss to dilute rum (or any cat piss at all tbh, unless you squeezed it out of cat litter, which is much more of a punishment for you than her).

And how you wiped your bum on sandwiches without her noticing the sandwich had been taken apart/ bread ripped etc. Or if you ended up with tuna mayonnaise or corned beef up your bumhole, which, again, is punishment for you rather than her. And if she enjoyed the sandwiches, then where's the revenge - she'll never know you got one over on her.

Howwwwwwling....
ButItRingsAndIRise · 23/06/2021 18:45

@miltonj I can assure you that, if you don’t need a laxative and you take one, you really don’t need a couple of doses for it to cause an issue!
I have a prescribed stool softener and didn’t order my repeat in time. DH went to the pharmacy with strict instructions to buy dulcoease-a stool softener, he bought dulcolax-a laxative. It was an issue Blush

NotLettingItSlide · 23/06/2021 18:52

Name changed for this. Though I'm not sure if it counts as 'revenge,' as such.

A friend of mine received some horrific racial abuse from a chap on social media. It was so awful, it made her cry in the loos at work. I was outraged.

The chap in question was very indiscreet about using his real name online and connecting various social media accounts to his LinkedIn. When I found out who this person was - he touted himself as a professional - I gathered screenshots of the racial abuse (being sure to blur my friend's name out) and reported it to his local police force. They invited me in to give a statement, which I did. What he had done was a criminal offence.

I was later updated that the chap in question was arrested and charged. He couldn't deny it because the evidence was there. He now has a criminal record, I believe his highly professional workplace quietly let him go and his father, who was active in the multicultural/interfaith community, was highly ashamed of what his son had done.

And no, I don't regret it or feel sorry for the man. Though I do feel a little bit sorry for his father who quite clearly had integrity where his son did not. He should have thought about the consequences before racially abusing my friend.