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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My 18 year old DD’s manager is being difficult

116 replies

rumblefish23 · 22/06/2021 16:51

DD has left school and is working till Sept when she starts uni. She has a part time job as a waitress in a cafe/restaurant chain. The first week was great and the manager said “any problems or questions let me know”.

He has now turned into a complete arsehole, being really rude to her all day. We have spoken about it and how some people can be rude and just ignore it, I want her to be able to deal with situations and people on her own.

She was told she would be paid weekly and she is now in her third week of not being paid. I told her to keep asking the manager but because he is being an arsehole she doesn’t want to talk to him. When she does ask about being paid he replies with something rude. I was thinking I should contact their head office but she doesn’t want me to.

What do I do! One part of me thinks she should just leave the job and look for something else but then she won’t get paid!

OP posts:

Finfintytint · 22/06/2021 16:54

She needs to contact head office/ payroll herself.

FeistySheep · 22/06/2021 16:54

Unfortunately YOU can't do anything. She is 18, she needs to sort it out herself. The best people to get advice from is ACAS. Get DD to give them a call and ask advice about the wages and any specific incidents regarding his behaviour (if this has crossed over from grumpy into unacceptable).

BarbarianMum · 22/06/2021 16:54

Support her to stand up for herself but do not ring head office for her. He will not be the last arsehole she works for, so horrible as it is, she has to deal w it. She could contact head officer herself, or confront him, or leave. But it should be her choice.

DPotter · 22/06/2021 16:55

I know others will disagree with me and possibly your DD will as well, but I'd be Mama Bear here and walk in, ask to speak to the manager and insist she's paid there and then. She won't be the first young woman he's done this to. Would also complain to head office - they may well come back with some cock and bull story about not having her bank details but they will have been given the heads up and may keep an eye on him. Ask on your local Facebook gossip girls group - bet he's got form for this.

HRVY · 22/06/2021 16:56

Really sorry to hear, OP! Sounds like a really frustrating situation.

I completely understand where you’re coming from and where your daughter is coming from.

Have you spoken to your daughter about her contacting head office? How does she feel about doing it (even doing it anonymously)?

Is there a deputy manager or other senior member of staff, aside from the manager, your daughter would feel comfortable approaching?

SofiaMichelle · 22/06/2021 16:58

Oh god no! Don't contact her employer yourself.

Support her to do that, but definitely don't get directly involved.

Mojitofairy · 22/06/2021 16:58

Is there a central payroll dept that she could contact to ask when she might get paid? I know it can take a few weeks to get all the info set up on our systems at work, and there have been delays due to staff working from home and not receiving copies of documents. So a delay initially might not be anything to worry about, but it might help to check they do have all her info there.

As far as being an arse, I think unless he’s actually being offensive or inappropriate it’s a good life lesson to learn. Many people you work with are arses. So are the customers. If she’s otherwise ok with the job, hours, role, location then I would stick it out until September myself. But there are very few temp jobs where I am and so many teens looking for work.

SofiaMichelle · 22/06/2021 16:59

I'd be Mama Bear here and walk in...

transformandriseup · 22/06/2021 17:00

I would call the head office ASAP and find the correct person to speak to and then pass the phone to your DD.

Frlrlrubert · 22/06/2021 17:01

It depends on the form 'being rude to her' is taking. If it's being sharp/short tempered and snappy I think she probably needs to ignore and bluntly ask 'when am I getting paid?'. If she doesn't get an answer then go to payroll.

If it's more than that, crossing the line into something she shouldn't have to tolerate, she should look for another job AND report him to HR.

UnChatNoir · 22/06/2021 17:01

I know others will disagree with me and possibly your DD will as well, but I'd be Mama Bear here and walk in, ask to speak to the manager and insist she's paid there and then

Ah yes, i'm sure that would make hostilities much better! 🙄

Northofsomewhere · 22/06/2021 17:02

If she works for a chain I would assume they have some online presence for employees to check their wages and book holiday etc and would ask a colleague who'd been there a while if they could give me the website. I work for a supermarket and about a year ago they made all our login details for onsite devices and work/home logins the same so it's possible if she has a login at work it might work on the employers staff site.

If she can't get any info that way as well as the next pay day (staff always know next payday) I wouldn't hesitate to go above his head. It doesn't sound like he's done the correct hiring process if she won't give her those details. Make sure she's kept all correspondence saying she's hired etc and keeping a record of everything she's worked and any interactions with the manager. Is there only one manager, I work in a superstore where there's multiple levels of management and multiple different people I could turn to if my manager was behaving like this one. Even if she goes one step down to a supervisor she might get the answers she wants.

I wouldn't rush to quit the job until she has another (I worked before I went to uni and found the money helpful, including a job I should definitely have walked out on more than once) however I'd be looking and saying I can start immediately. Get her to try and get the info about pay as above but if nothing forthcoming I'd contact head office using their staff phone number if you can find it - staff toilets might have a useful sticker, usually about unacceptable workplace bullying or something similar.

JellyTumble · 22/06/2021 17:06

I'd be Mama Bear here and walk in, ask to speak to the manager and insist she's paid there and then.

@DPotter I’m a manager in a place where we employ a lot of young people. We don’t talk to parents or guardians - if they’re old enough to get a job, they’re old enough to deal with everything that comes with it too.

(Obviously we pay our staff and take care of them, but the point remains that it’s really nothing to do with you and they don’t have to deal with you. If you refused to leave you would be removed from the premises.)

BarbarianMum · 22/06/2021 17:12

I'd be Mama Bear here

Is that code for "make an absolute tit of myself and ensure my daughter never brings her work problems to me again"?

RaspberryCoulis · 22/06/2021 17:14

"Mama Bear". For fuck's sake.

OP you can't tackle this yourself. You can and should support your DD to tackle it herself, either with the manager, deputy manager, shift leader or by escalating it to Head Office.

Finfintytint · 22/06/2021 17:14

@BarbarianMum

I'd be Mama Bear here

Is that code for "make an absolute tit of myself and ensure my daughter never brings her work problems to me again"?

Believe it is

Majorfluff · 22/06/2021 17:16

She needs to pull her big girl panties on and call head office.

newnortherner111 · 22/06/2021 17:18

If it's a chain, it may not be down to the inadequate manager that your DD has not been paid. I agree with the call head office and then hand the phone to your DD.

I don't think nasty reviews or tweets to them will achieve anything, which is the usual effective tactic for poor customer service.

VodkaSlimline · 22/06/2021 17:23

What does her contract say about payment? Regardless, it's for her to sort this out, not you.

Original poster

rumblefish23 · 22/06/2021 17:23

Thanks for the replies.

I am definitely not going to show up at her work. She needs to be able to deal with shitty managers and work colleagues on her own. I have had a look on line and it’s a small chain of four restaurants not sure if they have a head office.

OP posts:

lastqueenofscotland · 22/06/2021 17:25

They might not have a head office but they’ll have a central contact somewhere. Have a look on companies house maybe?

Daphnise · 22/06/2021 17:27

There is no need for you to be involved in this at all.
It's a lesson for parents to learn- leave adult children to lead their own lives.
I hope you are not going to be a helicopter parent when she is away (if that still happens with Covid) at college.

LadyPoison · 22/06/2021 17:28

There is a severe shortage of hospitality staff at the moment.

She'd walk into another job tomorrow around here at the moment. Half the pubs and restaurants are on short hours as they can't get the staff. If it's the same around you I'd just walk and then start a small claims court action.

LittleMG · 22/06/2021 17:29

@DPotter

At first I thought it’s up to her but actually totally agree with this. That twattish manager needs sorting out by someone he can’t intimidate!

ivykaty44 · 22/06/2021 17:32

Has your dd taken all her details in, bank details etc so that she can get paid?

It’s really unusual for companies to pay weekly, even is hospitality it’s more likely to be fortnightly. Are you sure your dd has got the pay schedule correct?

In what ways is the manager rude to her? Is it what he says or how he says it?

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