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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My 18 year old DD’s manager is being difficult

116 replies

rumblefish23 · 22/06/2021 16:51

DD has left school and is working till Sept when she starts uni. She has a part time job as a waitress in a cafe/restaurant chain. The first week was great and the manager said “any problems or questions let me know”.

He has now turned into a complete arsehole, being really rude to her all day. We have spoken about it and how some people can be rude and just ignore it, I want her to be able to deal with situations and people on her own.

She was told she would be paid weekly and she is now in her third week of not being paid. I told her to keep asking the manager but because he is being an arsehole she doesn’t want to talk to him. When she does ask about being paid he replies with something rude. I was thinking I should contact their head office but she doesn’t want me to.

What do I do! One part of me thinks she should just leave the job and look for something else but then she won’t get paid!

OP posts:
icelollycraving · 22/06/2021 17:35

Absolutely do not do the ‘mama bear’ routine. Cringe.
I am baffled when parents want to be involved in their children’s work lives. She is 18. She is being employed as an adult and so needs to follow procedures. She will feel proud of herself if she does.

KrisAkabusi · 22/06/2021 17:36

Let her/make her fight her own battles. Do not go 'Mama Bear'. I can't think of anything more likely to embarrass her.

SofiaMichelle · 22/06/2021 17:43

@LittleMG

At first I thought it’s up to her but actually totally agree with this. That twattish manager needs sorting out by someone he can’t intimidate!

She'll get sacked

AffableApple · 22/06/2021 17:43

@SofiaMichelle

I'd be Mama Bear here and walk in...
Glad I wasn't the only one
Geamhradh · 22/06/2021 17:47

What does her contract say?
If it's a chain (even of only 4) there is someone who drew up and issued the contract.

Mistyplanet · 22/06/2021 17:49

I'd be walking in there as well and demanding to know why she hasnt been paid. All very well saying posters saying dont embarass her etc but shes being taken advantage of and likely because of her young age. I would be demanding to know what was going on. Get her money then leave this job.

Stompythedinosaur · 22/06/2021 17:50

I'd say she needs to talk her manager about it even if she doesn't want to. No one higher up is going to be interested unless she's already discussed it with her line manager.

I'd coach her through "what is the worst that could happen" - he might be rude or mean but she will survive and hopefully get paid.

Geamhradh · 22/06/2021 17:51

In fairness, unless it's a dodgy cash in hand job, then the manager of one of the restaurants isn't going to actually be the one deciding when someone gets paid, or how.

DishingOutDone · 22/06/2021 17:54

Adults who want to treat very young people like dirt rely on those young people not being able to speak up for themselves, and others not being allowed to speak for them. So what if he sacks her, she's not being paid anyway. How much longer is she intending to volunteer there?

By all means help her to find an office, look at the contract etc., but ultimately you have to help her make a judgement on this; if she wants to leave but can't get what she's owed I'd be in there like a shot. Its not "Mama Bear" its helping a young family member FFS.

sneezypants · 22/06/2021 17:55

@Mistyplanet

I'd be walking in there as well and demanding to know why she hasnt been paid. All very well saying posters saying dont embarass her etc but shes being taken advantage of and likely because of her young age. I would be demanding to know what was going on. Get her money then leave this job.
You could demand all you want but it wouldn't help. They won't talk to you, it has nothing at all to do with you. The only thing this would achieve would be embarrassment all round. She needs to demand to know what's going on. She needs to sort her own job out, she's an adult.
blubberyboo · 22/06/2021 18:04

The manager is unlikely to be involved in payroll at all so she needs to contact them.

You could help her compose a polite email enquiring as to why she hasn’t received wages yet, but it should be sent from her email address. And definitely don’t use it to criticise the manager at this stage.

It is illegal for a firm to deduct wages from an employee so if she gets no response then she could take it further, but best to establish if there has been a misunderstanding or error first.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 22/06/2021 18:16

When she does ask about being paid he replies with something rude

What does he say exactly that is rude ?

She should just ask "Oh BTW Mr Forbes can you give me the number for Payroll as I've not been paid these last x weeks"

Non confrontational , and if there's anyone else in the vicinity even better , they might throw in with "Yeah you need to get onto them that's shabby"

cupsofcoffee · 22/06/2021 18:19

@Mistyplanet

I'd be walking in there as well and demanding to know why she hasnt been paid. All very well saying posters saying dont embarass her etc but shes being taken advantage of and likely because of her young age. I would be demanding to know what was going on. Get her money then leave this job.
What do you think this will actually achieve?

They won't speak to you and will most likely just tell you to get out, tbh.

ilovesooty · 22/06/2021 18:21

@transformandriseup

I would call the head office ASAP and find the correct person to speak to and then pass the phone to your DD.
She's quite old enough to pick up the phone and do that herself.
TriangularPrism · 22/06/2021 18:22

Christ, mama bear ConfusedBear

Soontobe60 · 22/06/2021 18:24

Around here bar and restaurant staff are as rare as hens teeth. I’d coach her in how to get her pay off her boss then tell him she’s leaving.

LeJessi · 22/06/2021 18:26

Firstly she should have a contract of employment and either a handbook or access to an online handbook which outlines all of the policies and procedures including wages and raising grievances - was there any form of induction? To whom did she supply bank details so wages could be paid? if any of these are missing I would contact ACAS and/or Citizens advice.

She should ask for a handbook/online access

If its a limited company you can find out who the owners are by looking it up at Companies House - if an handbook/online portal is not forthcoming I would support her to write to the owner asking when and how she will be paid and raising a detailing clearly the issues she is unhappy with particularly if the manager has made derogatory comments or used abusive language, and give them a timescale to reply.

A friend of mine's DS was unfairly disciplined at work and as he was an apprentice and under 21 and they had not followed any procedure correctly she was allowed to accompany him at the subsequent appeal meeting, I Also once had to discipline an apprentice and allowed them to be accompanied by a parent instead of another member of staff or a friend as they were under 21 and this is what I was advised to do by our HR consultant

Original poster
rumblefish23 · 22/06/2021 18:34

I have had a look on Companies House and the company is owned by an individual so it looks like it is up to the manager to pay her.

OP posts:
Geamhradh · 22/06/2021 18:36

Not unless that manager IS the owner.
What does her contract say?
This has been asked now many times.
She does have one? The contract will name the company and your daughter, the terms of employment and the rate of pay plus the frequency with which she'll be paid.

Bluntness100 · 22/06/2021 18:38

What do you mean he says something rude when she asks about her pay? What does he say exactly?

Wearywithteens · 22/06/2021 18:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

2bazookas · 22/06/2021 18:41

If he's not paying weekly then he'll surely payup at the end of the month; so I'd advise her to wait. If he doesn't pay then, THEN she contacts HQ, in writing, to complain she has been repeatedly refused her pay by Mr Name.

Meanwhile she should keep an exact record of the dates and hours worked.

altiara · 22/06/2021 18:45

Has she checked her contract on what it says about pay day? And what about other staff?

3scape · 22/06/2021 18:53

In her shoes she could ask one of the nicer staff members if they had problems with pay, get an idea if this manager has form, or if it is in fact 4 weekly or something (?). Other than that. Getting there earlier than the start time, complete with a copy of bank details that "appear" to have been lost, putting it conveniently in writing that she hasn't been paid. 'Manager, further copy of bank details as haven't received pay since start date. Thanks in advance for speedy resolution' kill him with politeness.

Rudeness wise. What is he saying?

cupsofcoffee · 22/06/2021 18:53

@rumblefish23

I have had a look on Companies House and the company is owned by an individual so it looks like it is up to the manager to pay her.
Why would that be the case? Confused

The manager may not be the owner.