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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My 18 year old DD’s manager is being difficult

116 replies

rumblefish23 · 22/06/2021 16:51

DD has left school and is working till Sept when she starts uni. She has a part time job as a waitress in a cafe/restaurant chain. The first week was great and the manager said “any problems or questions let me know”.

He has now turned into a complete arsehole, being really rude to her all day. We have spoken about it and how some people can be rude and just ignore it, I want her to be able to deal with situations and people on her own.

She was told she would be paid weekly and she is now in her third week of not being paid. I told her to keep asking the manager but because he is being an arsehole she doesn’t want to talk to him. When she does ask about being paid he replies with something rude. I was thinking I should contact their head office but she doesn’t want me to.

What do I do! One part of me thinks she should just leave the job and look for something else but then she won’t get paid!

OP posts:
Bryonyshcmyony · 23/06/2021 09:04

I forgot how mumsnet gets outraged if you do anything to help a child once they are 18. It's like you'll contaminate them of something. It's weird.

Bryonyshcmyony · 23/06/2021 09:05

*or

Permanentlygrumpy · 23/06/2021 09:12

On the restaurant's website, is there a central email address? The chain must have a finance/payroll department where all salaries are processed from. If the manager is difficult, has he even sent her details to the finance department? It'll be worth asking her to check this herself but obviously support her if she needs a handhold.

Psuedoshoes · 23/06/2021 09:24

@Bryonyshcmyony

I forgot how mumsnet gets outraged if you do anything to help a child once they are 18. It's like you'll contaminate them of something. It's weird.
100% agree. At 18, they're new to a working environment and shouldn't have to deal with bullies. I'd certainly step in where needed - firstly by supporting DD by going through the correct channels. If that didn't work then I'd have no qualms in having a conversation. The OP and her DD aren't the ones who should feel embarrassed in this situation.
notapizzaeater · 23/06/2021 09:34

Has she asked the other staff how they get paid ?

Bryonyshcmyony · 23/06/2021 09:42

She doesn't have to have a written contract to have payment rights. A verbal contract is fine. She still has the right to be paid.

CrotchetyQuaver · 23/06/2021 10:12

If your DD is getting nowhere with him despite your support behind the scenes and the news from the other staff members isn't great then I'd be minded to use @InpatientGardener phrases and phone him up.

You need to step in, I went through some of this with my daughter and there are hospitality employers who take the piss. Trial shifts with no pay at the end of them. Bet they never had any intention of taking them on, just free labour. Another wanted my daughter to pay them for a trial shift.
If all else fails then yes personally I would walk in there (maybe with dad too) in the middle of service and ask for her wages in cash there and then and refuse to leave without them.

Some employers really are this unscrupulous.

SofiaMichelle · 23/06/2021 10:15

@Bryonyshcmyony

I forgot how mumsnet gets outraged if you do anything to help a child once they are 18. It's like you'll contaminate them of something. It's weird.
Bollocks.

Just look at all the threads where 14-16 year olds call all the shots because a good percentage on MN think you can't tell teenagers what to do.

Psuedoshoes · 23/06/2021 10:24

Forgot to mention, a few years ago my little cousin (16/17 at the time) had left her job after being consistently put down at the bar/restaurant she'd been working at. They owed her about 200 quid. After about 6 weeks with the money still not forthcoming, a few of us went there for drinks. When the bill came I explained to the manager we'd be happy to pay when they paid my cousin and invited them to call the police should they wish. She wasn't happy but called my cousin there and then and invited her to pop in for her wages Grin

Roselilly36 · 23/06/2021 10:30

@Bryonyshcmyony

I forgot how mumsnet gets outraged if you do anything to help a child once they are 18. It's like you'll contaminate them of something. It's weird.
It’s not about not caring or helping once your child gets to 18 at all, it’s about helping them to stand on their own two feet and learn to deal with situations that occur the right way. I wouldn’t dream of speaking to either of my DS’ employers ever, it’s not my place to do so.
Bryonyshcmyony · 23/06/2021 10:32

Just look at all the threads where 14-16 year olds call all the shots because a good percentage on MN think you can't tell teenagers what to do

But this isn't about telling a 14 year old what to do Confused

poorbuthappy · 23/06/2021 10:36

It's a part time job at a cafe.
There will be no contract, no handbook, no central HR function.

Don't get me wrong she needs to deal with it herself - with the twatty manager but the advise about emailing payroll and all that prob doesn't apply.
Ask the other members of staff - get the information on how they're paid and then she has to push it.

poorbuthappy · 23/06/2021 10:36

advice
Hmm

melj1213 · 23/06/2021 13:14

Surely there are other members of staff beyond the manager and your DD so I would get her to speak to a coworker and ask for advice.

I work in a supermarket now but even when I was a student working in a cafe my first port of call for any issues was to ask the advice of the other staff. Can she not ask a coworker for advice as to whether this is normal? eg if they get paid 4 weekly not weekly then your DD may have misheard the manager; or its weekly but can take a couple of weeks to be on the payroll system initially and then depending on payroll cutoff dates the money is delayed etc

SummerWhisper · 23/06/2021 13:52

She has an unwritten contract if she has started work. She needs to ring ACAS and ask for advice on pay and how to report the company for abusive practices. ACAS may well contact the owner on your daughter's behalf. The shitty manager may well be pocketing her wages. Don't go in all Mama Bear, but you might want to pop in anonymously for a cuppa and observe how he treats her.

SummerWhisper · 23/06/2021 13:54

Anonymous to the manager, that is. I don't mean go in with a fake moustache and sunglasses so your daughter won't recognise you Grin

maddening · 23/06/2021 13:59

There is nothing wrong with the OP hand holding her dd through this.by doing so she can help teach her dd about handling such issues in the future.

SunSunSunshine · 23/06/2021 14:02

@DPotter

I know others will disagree with me and possibly your DD will as well, but I'd be Mama Bear here and walk in, ask to speak to the manager and insist she's paid there and then. She won't be the first young woman he's done this to. Would also complain to head office - they may well come back with some cock and bull story about not having her bank details but they will have been given the heads up and may keep an eye on him. Ask on your local Facebook gossip girls group - bet he's got form for this.
Don't donn me this. My husband owns a cafe business and employs young waitresses. The amount of times he's had deal with the 'mums' who only know half of the story come down and start causing problems. So much so he's doesn't recruit anyone under 21.

One girl told her Dad that she hadn't been paid for a month.
The reason she had not be paid was

  1. She had failed to provide her NI number which he had been asking her for ages
2.She had turned up to work still drunk from the night before so got sent home so not paid for that day (she hadn't told her Dad this).

It is often the staff member haven't provided the right info for payroll or want to be paid that day. They get paid monthly.

SunSunSunshine · 23/06/2021 14:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

fluffiphlox · 23/06/2021 14:26

They won’t deal with the mother. Many moons ago I worked somewhere where the mother of a woman in her fifties came in to ‘sort something out ‘. We didn’t talk to her either.

GlencoraP · 23/06/2021 14:28

I work in payroll. You can pay someone without an NINO providing you have established their right to work, you should not refuse to pay because of this. The RTI does not require one but you should advise them to apply for one . This is another excuse that people frequently use to not pay young people.

canigooutyet · 23/06/2021 14:33

She searches for the company to find anything on the web about the company and not just from companies house.
She could call one of the other establishments and ask to speak to their manager and ask for contact details of the HR/Head office/payroll/someone more senior.

What things that are said to her?

Working in these places can be a nightmare as there's little thankyou and pleases especially during a busy shift and it's very easy to feel barked at constantly, disrespected and undervalued as you're getting it from all sides.

The wages - hey boss can I double check i've given you the right details for the bank as it's been 3 weeks.

I wouldn't do the mama bear thing. Imagine how ridiculous you would look if it turned out the manager meant to say monthly wages and shifts given on a weekly basis.

AryaStarkWolf · 23/06/2021 14:34

How long is she going to carry on working her shifts and not being paid? My advice to her at this point would be to tell her boss (rude or not) that she won't be turning up for her next shift unless she's paid. I mean yes she might lose the job but she hasn't been paid anyway?

GlencoraP · 23/06/2021 14:37

The one thing I would check is that it’s very unusual to be paid weekly these days , are you sure she isn’t confused. My ds works in hospitality he gets his shifts weekly and is paid monthly .

canigooutyet · 23/06/2021 14:38

I would also suggest to her to sign up to things to learn how to assert herself.

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