What should I tell my sister? I don't want to tell her the full truth!

[glowyowy]

Ok so long story short my sister is a mortgage broker. I am in the process looking to buy a house with dh.

Without getting into it we have the cash necessary to buy a house outright. My sister does not know this...for two reasons

1. She talks A LOT and would find this great gossip.
2. She has an enormous jealousy problem.

So, she knows we are looking as it was hard to keep that a secret but now she is asking why we didn't use her as our broker. I don't know what to say. Either way she'll be upset/insulted/jealous and therefore angry.

What do I say? Lie? Or tell her the truth! Wwyd??

So, she knows we are looking as it was hard to keep that a secret but now she is asking why we didn't use her as our broker.

My and dh's financial circumstances are private to us and I won't be discussing them any further.

Remind her that if she starts rootling around and trying to elicit confidential information about you that she has no business knowing she will be in direct contravention of the rules governing her profession.

The Land Registry’s got a huge backlog at the minute so she won’t be able to see that you haven’t got a mortgage for months anyway, if she brings it up just say the solicitor/Land Registry made a mistake and didn’t put the charge on and they’re in the process of rectifying it. She’d have to be mental to keep going back and checking if it’s been “updated”

@PurplePansy05 has a brilliant excuse also I imagine it’ll be EVEN slower ‘because covid’

Can't you just say, because we like to keep things private and you don't.

It would be worth more than their job to tell her anything.

I signed a confidentiality agreement when I joined an investment bank nearly 35 years ago.

[quote glowyowy]@cauliflowerkorma we don't have one currently as we were house sitting for the last 4 years for a friend. It was a large house that needed managing. Before that we lived abroad with accommodation paid for.

She will ask so many questions if I say we went with our bank. She knows everyone in each bank that works in mortgages. I have no idea how mortgages work so I can't lie about the process.

I'm going to have to tell the truth aren't I!? [/quote]
Nope
You dont have to say anything.
My family are like this
I just say " not discussing money"
Endless digging " not discussing money"
Just choose a phrase to close it down.
No need to lie

[quote glowyowy]@cauliflowerkorma we don't have one currently as we were house sitting for the last 4 years for a friend. It was a large house that needed managing. Before that we lived abroad with accommodation paid for.

She will ask so many questions if I say we went with our bank. She knows everyone in each bank that works in mortgages. I have no idea how mortgages work so I can't lie about the process.

I'm going to have to tell the truth aren't I!? [/quote]
Just say you didnt want to mix family with money. And you want to keep your finances private.

And if she asks any more questions just keep repeating you dont want to talk about it and want to keep your finances private.

@HollowTalk

So take out a mortgage for a very small sum which won't charge you to repay it early, give it a year and repay in full.

This.

Because she will check, but probably only once. So 'no mixing family and money', tiny token mortgage with no penalties, then just pay it off in 12 months and never discuss it again.

Sounds like she's going to have a strop whatever you do or don't do. Go with the "finance is private", change the subject, repeat...

Plus if a member of bank staff did gossip about your private business, you'd be able to complain. It's all very confidential. When I worked for a bank, we couldn't even say who we were when calling, if it wasn't the right person.

@Iveputmyselfonthenaughtystep

You didn't want to mix money and family. Simple

This

Conflict of interest. As a professional I'm surprised she doesn't know this herself.

Why on earth would anyone go to the length of taking out a small mortgage to detract the attention of her nosy sister? OP's financial affairs are precisely none of her business. Perfectly easy solution: refuse to discuss it.

Its a 1 minute land registry search to find out if someone has a mortgage. Not how much they have. Just that they have one and with which lender. If you really don't want her asking questions take a tiny % out so it appears though there is a lender and then pay it back as soon as the fixed term is over.

Personally I would just tell her as it's too much hassle not to.

I wouldn't tell her. I'd just blame your partner and say "X is a very private person and feels awkward about sharing income/outgoings" and leave it there. Will she really check land registry? Is she that nuts? If so then cross that bridge when you come to it. How frustrating!

@Shoppingwithmother

I can’t believe the advice to take out a completely unnecessary mortgage just because your sister is a nosy cow!

Neither can I, equally can't understand the need to lie and squirm for fear of upsetting someone, the simplest answer is "Our finances are none of your business" and leave it there. OP's dh has a right to keep his finances, whether joint with the OP or not, private from her family members.

If sister gets upset, feels insulted or is jealous - so what? Her problem not yours OP don't give it the time or headspace.

oo oo "feck off you nosey cow might work"?

too much?

@DulseSeaweed

I wouldn't tell her. I'd just blame your partner and say "X is a very private person and feels awkward about sharing income/outgoings" and leave it there. Will she really check land registry? Is she that nuts? If so then cross that bridge when you come to it. How frustrating!

This

You sound scared of your own sister. Just tell her it's none of her business FFS.

just say “we had to do it through our bank” and chnage the subject.

Why would she be angry?

I really don't see why you need to lie unless you won your money and chose to keep it a secret and not to give any to your sister.

Keep it very simple.

If it was me, I'd say that you didn't want to mix finance and family.

If she was your broker, you'd have to give her bank statements and details of all credit in your names, so it is reasonable to keep this separate from family.

@TheRebelle

Presumably she couldn’t be your broker, it would be a conflict of interest, even if it’s not just tell her that’s what someone told you so you didn’t want to put her in an awkward position.

This

Just tell her you sorted it yourselves and it's none of her business

Why does her perceived right to know about - and gossip about - somebody else's financial situation trump your actual right to privacy when it comes to your own financial arrangements?

She can get angry if she wants. I could get angry about somebody down the road buying a shiny new top-of-the-range BMW if I wanted to, but it would be none of my business and wouldn't make the tiniest bit of difference if I did do that.