What should I tell my sister? I don't want to tell her the full truth!

[glowyowy]

Ok so long story short my sister is a mortgage broker. I am in the process looking to buy a house with dh.

Without getting into it we have the cash necessary to buy a house outright. My sister does not know this...for two reasons

1. She talks A LOT and would find this great gossip.
2. She has an enormous jealousy problem.

So, she knows we are looking as it was hard to keep that a secret but now she is asking why we didn't use her as our broker. I don't know what to say. Either way she'll be upset/insulted/jealous and therefore angry.

What do I say? Lie? Or tell her the truth! Wwyd??

yup, never a good idea to mix business and family. Once the house is bought then let her tantrum!

@cauliflowerkorma we don't have one currently as we were house sitting for the last 4 years for a friend. It was a large house that needed managing. Before that we lived abroad with accommodation paid for.

She will ask so many questions if I say we went with our bank. She knows everyone in each bank that works in mortgages. I have no idea how mortgages work so I can't lie about the process.

I'm going to have to tell the truth aren't I!?

Stop trying to manage her emotional state. That is her job. Well done and not your problem .

you could say its none of her damn business?

I can’t believe the advice to take out a completely unnecessary mortgage just because your sister is a nosy cow!

What is the problem with just telling the truth?

No you dont have to tell her anything other than you are not mixing business and family, and just keep repeating

@LuluJakey1

Read the post

No you really don't...
Just say "oh we were totally going to use you but then DH got a recommendation from a work mate whose broker got a crazy cheap deal like sub 1% or something" and you've gone for that. You don't know the details, you just cant remember but he's handling it... fiddle dee dee... what nice weather... traa la laaaa

I would tell her the truth. She may be surprised and wish she was in such a fortunate position too, but lying may make her feel you didn't use her as a mortgage broker because you don't trust her or think she would get a good enough deal. I think that would be more hurtful to her. I would say something like...

Thanks, but we are lucky enough to not need a mortgage, please don't mention to anyone I don't like talking about finances. I am sure you understand. I am just telling you as need to explain why we don't need a mortgage broker.

If she’s discussing your mortgage then she’s breaching GDPR and I’d shop her for being a nosy twat.

I would tell her the shortened version of the truth - that you don’t feel comfortable with people knowing your financial business. It’s private.

Just say " Because we value discretion".

Which is the reason you haven't told her your financial circumstances, so you're not lying to her. Just telling the truth.

Tell her you don’t want to mix family with business. If she checks the Land Reg -though why would she, unless she already thinks you are cash buyers - you can either lie and say it must be a mistake, or tell her then.

If she’s THIS much of a problem, then if it’s not this, it will be something else. So either tell her firmly that you are NOT discussing anything to do with your finances with her so stop asking, or tell her the truth and have done with it. Either way, brace for impact and put your tin hat on - there’s no way out of this without her reacting. It’s up to you to decide whether you’re going to let yourself accept responsibility for her behaviour.

It’s her with the issue, not you.

I’d just stick to the ‘not mixing business with family’ thing with an added ‘we won’t discuss our finances’.

I would just say I have it sorted and refuse to discuss any further. If she really is that much of a pain, tell her you’re renting rather than buying.

She sounds like a right pain in the arse.
I would just tell her straight that your finances are absolutely nothing to do with her especially as you know she has a loose tongue.

Conflict of interests.

@glowyowy tell her the truth.
Dsis we don't want you to know our business because you gossip.
It might shut her up and make her think.

@LivingLaVidaCovid

No you really don't... Just say "oh we were totally going to use you but then DH got a recommendation from a work mate whose broker got a crazy cheap deal like sub 1% or something" and you've gone for that. You don't know the details, you just cant remember but he's handling it... fiddle dee dee... what nice weather... traa la laaaa

Why bother with all that stuff? Just tell her you didn't want family involved in your financial affairs as others have suggested.

Yep don’t I dont mixbusiness with pleasure

Why is this even an issue ???

You went with someone independent as it was easier. ie Not Nosey. The End.

Congratulations on your new property..

@glowyowy

If she had a good old nose on the Land Reg after purchase, she could see whether there’s a mortgage on it or not. Just saying. It wouldn’t say for how much, but IIRC it will say who the lender is. So maybe you’d like to take out a tiddly little one, in case.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER really? Ah ffs this is driving me crazy. 😭 she'll want to know!! She is so flipping nosey

Yes! And this is what I was going to mention but PP beat me to it :)

It is very easy indeed for her to obtain this information - I have had to do it multiple times through work, and if you're a private person (ie not a company doing the search it just costs £3 and takes about 5 mins).

Whats to stop her doing this? I probs would if I were her! But then... I am nosy!

Conflict of interest they will have to declare which could impact on you
So just say you want to keep it separate