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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to leave DD with strangers?

126 replies

SaveWaterDrinkGin · 21/06/2021 20:01

DD is in reception. Because of covid rules, children go straight in when you drop them off and you’re expected to leave straight away when you collect them, so I’ve only met a handful of the other parents.

She’s come home today with a party invitation from a girl she mentions a little bit but isn’t overly friendly with. She’s desperate to go as there haven’t been many parties this year obviously and she was delighted to be one of the ones who got an invitation. The invitation says two hours at their house and their address and mums phone number, that’s it.

I messaged the mum to say thanks for the invite, so kind etc. Was she wanting parents to stay or was it a drop and go kind of party? Her reply basically insinuated she didn’t want parents there, as she’s invited 15 children and was worried what the neighbours would think but one of us could stay ‘if we really wanted to’.

I don’t know this woman from Adam and couldn’t pick out her- or her daughter- in a line up.

AIBU to think you don’t invite that many four/five year olds you don’t know to a party and expect their parents to leave them?

I don’t want to be fed or hosted in any way and I’d happily help with anything. I really don’t want DD to go now but she will be devastated.

OP posts:
GraduallyWatermelon · 21/06/2021 20:04

What's the problem? She's says you can go

MinnieMountain · 21/06/2021 20:05

What do you think could happen to her?

Hohofortherobbers · 21/06/2021 20:06

I wouldn't be concerned at all unless your dd is usually nervous about being left or has allergies. You know where she is, what sinister things do you think she's got planned for 15 little 4 year olds? I wouldn't want an extra 15 - 30 adults at the party either.

RedHelenB · 21/06/2021 20:06

Let her go. She's a big girl now, you know where she'll be and you can leave your mobile number with the hosts.

shouldistop · 21/06/2021 20:07

Well the mum said you could stay so there's no issue.

mynameiscalypso · 21/06/2021 20:07

DS is too young for this kind of thing yet but I never remember parents hanging around at parties when I was a child; is it a new thing?

Original poster
SaveWaterDrinkGin · 21/06/2021 20:08

You’d all honestly leave your five year old at the home of someone you’ve never met?

OP posts:
DarcyLewis · 21/06/2021 20:09

She said you can stay if you really want to.

RandomCatGenerator · 21/06/2021 20:09

The mum said you could stay, so no issue!

MotorwayDiva · 21/06/2021 20:09

At that age I wouldn't, especially as you say you don't know them.

MinnieMountain · 21/06/2021 20:10

Yes, if your DD is happy to go. Why not?

DarcyLewis · 21/06/2021 20:10

Maybe just stay for the first 15 minutes, check the house isn't a crack den and they don't own any pitbulls, then leave if your DD is happy?

MotorwayDiva · 21/06/2021 20:10

But the mum has said stay, so id maybe wait in the garden?

Hellocatshome · 21/06/2021 20:11

I would maybe hang around for 10/15 minutes then make a quiet exit when DD was engrossed in the party. That way you have seen in side the house and sussed out the parents a bit.

OlympicProcrastinator · 21/06/2021 20:12

No I wouldn’t either OP, not at that age without knowing the mum or having ever visited the house. I’m surprised that other parents would. 5 is very little.

OoglyMoogly · 21/06/2021 20:13

Welcome to the world of school friends parties. Drop at the door, collect over-excited child clutching a party bag with a squashed cake two hours later.

Enjoy your wee breather in-between times.

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 21/06/2021 20:13

Tell the mum that you LO is a bit nervous in strange places and if it’s ok could you stay 20 mins to see she is settled in OK?

Undersnatch · 21/06/2021 20:14

It’s a tricky one - have you never even seen them on the school run? Even with covid I know what most parents look like and have some sense of them even if I don’t know them well. I understand your reservations and would likely share them, but I also think parties are a really important social experience, and would be reluctant to deny my DD of a similar age the chance. What are your fears exactly?

olidora63 · 21/06/2021 20:14

I absolutely never included parents at my children’s parties…it really was unheard of unless a child was particularly precious! I would have a couple of my friends and the grandmas to help and that was it . Most of the parents that I new were glad to have a couple of hours off .

Embracelife · 21/06/2021 20:15

She said you could stay. So stay.

Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 21/06/2021 20:16

If you're uncomfortable, I'd tell the mum that your DD sometimes has trouble settling in new places, so you'll hang around for 5-10 minutes to make sure she's happy and then make a quick exit. Definitely don't stop her going if she's excited.

cadburyegg · 21/06/2021 20:16

YANBU I have yet to leave DS1 on his own at a party and he’s 6, I expect over the next year I will start doing so

Original poster
SaveWaterDrinkGin · 21/06/2021 20:18

@Undersnatch nope, like I said I couldn’t pick out this woman in a line up. I don’t think she even does the school run, my DD says the little girl is always picked up by her nan.

I don’t think anything sinister is going to happen but as I’ve said, it’s fundamentally dropping her at the home of a total stranger- a stranger to both of us. My DD wouldn’t be bothered in the slightest but I don’t feel comfortable with it.

OP posts:
GNCQ · 21/06/2021 20:18

Stay then.
You can stay according to the host.

If you're worried about Covid, don't stay, don't send your child. It's really up to you.

Sally872 · 21/06/2021 20:20

Yes I would. The greater harm would be child missing out on many social occasions rather than the tiny risk of the parents being dangerous.

It isn't practical to have 15 parents stay in a house. If it was a playdate and mum didn't want me to stay I would feel a bit weird, but I can see why she couldn't have 15 adults.