AIBU to not want to leave DD with strangers?

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DD is in reception. Because of covid rules, children go straight in when you drop them off and you’re expected to leave straight away when you collect them, so I’ve only met a handful of the other parents.

She’s come home today with a party invitation from a girl she mentions a little bit but isn’t overly friendly with. She’s desperate to go as there haven’t been many parties this year obviously and she was delighted to be one of the ones who got an invitation. The invitation says two hours at their house and their address and mums phone number, that’s it.

I messaged the mum to say thanks for the invite, so kind etc. Was she wanting parents to stay or was it a drop and go kind of party? Her reply basically insinuated she didn’t want parents there, as she’s invited 15 children and was worried what the neighbours would think but one of us could stay ‘if we really wanted to’.

I don’t know this woman from Adam and couldn’t pick out her- or her daughter- in a line up.

AIBU to think you don’t invite that many four/five year olds you don’t know to a party and expect their parents to leave them?

I don’t want to be fed or hosted in any way and I’d happily help with anything. I really don’t want DD to go now but she will be devastated.

I’d love this! Can my DD take your DDs place if yours doesn’t go? I’m definitely not staying.

I would stay with my 5 year old too.

She’s only been to one party, before she was even 4 and even at that one, all the parents but me left!

I wouldn’t let her go on play dates without me either and have had to decline a few already, a party isn’t much different.

They’re still very young to be doing this at 5 I think. If the mum has said you can stay, I would explain you’ve never left her and offer to help out a bit or whatever.

I don't get why parents stay. When we were kids parents dropped us off and then picked us up at the end. All the parents, even those who didn't know the host.
It was a real shock when I took my children to their first party and realised I was expected to stay.

I would assume the mum in question is planning to have help - eg the dad and one or two of the other mums that she does know better.

I recently hosted a smaller party for 5/6 year olds. It may well be that they just don't have room (nor have catered for) 15 kids plus a potential 15 parents. It's hard to know what to supply when you dont' know whether one or both parents per child are staying, plus completely different type of catering required if so.

I would say that you will prob stay if that's ok, but that you are happy to help however she needs - that way she knows in advance she won't have to wait on you

I would stay for about 10ish minutes, make sure she's ok and then go and enjoy a couple of hours of you time.

My daughter has a party this weekend. She's 4. It's in their garden and I'm staying. Idgaf what anyone else does, I wouldn't leave my kid with a stranger at the park so why would this be any different?

I couldn't pick the kid out of a crowd never mind the parents.

I didn't even think about them not wanting parents to stay. They're 4 year olds.

Rosebel - I was shocked too, I dropped my DS (3) at a party, said a cheery goodbye and left ... never dawned on my that I was meant to stay, nothing was said & DS very happy when I picked him up.

I have always found this weird though. Even before I had kids.

Here, parents stayed until age 7 or 8, I think. Pre-Covid, obviously. In your shoes, would not want to leave my DD in a house she doesn’t know, with people she doesn’t know. She be happy enough to be left, but wouldn’t be brave enough to ask for a drink, or the loo. And my DS would have had a nervous breakdown at the idea of being left.

No, I wouldn’t have done this with either of my 2.
We all have to choose what we are comfortable with and if you aren’t OP then it’s fine

I'm with you on this op. X

Did this a couple of weeks ago. 5 yo had a great time

Mum presumably hesitant at having too many parents there due to Covid, but you could say DD is quite shy or nervous and so you'd like to stay for some or part of the party. Then see how it goes and whether you feel comfortable to go after 15 mins or so, and, if not, stay. My DD would have been nervous being left without me at 4/5. By 6 she would have been was fine.

My son is in reception. We had similar where he kept saying he wanted a certain friend over. I didn’t know the parents but we did a card and he came over. Dad came in for 15 minutes for a coffee then left. Boys played lovely together . It did feel a bit strange but only one way to get to know each other!

I wouldnt drop my 4 or 5 year old off with a stranger. She may be fine but what about her husband/brother/father in law etc. Also how many adults supervising that many children ??

Completely hear you OP, I wouldn’t be comfortable with this either.

Eek. My ds’s party of this weekend. We’ve hired a venue with outdoor space and invited the whole class on the proviso they need to be dropped off to keep numbers below the 30 allowed by current restrictions!

Most of the class are coming and the ones who aren’t can’t make it because of prior engagements not because we’ve asked the parents not to stay- most have said along the lines of being happy the kids will get a bit of normality!

I was nervous the first time ds did this,he's 7 now.I was inwardly panicking a bit until pick up but he came out smiling.

I wouldn’t have left my children at that age with someone I didn’t know. Luckily I got to know the parents before my children were invited to their houses or parties when they were younger. In the situation you describe, I’d stay. Some people don’t look after their own kids very well so there’s no way they’re capable of looking after 15 others. Don’t be pressured by the ‘cool’ mums.

In someone's house I'd stay until about age 7. It's different if it's at Go Ape or something. But then I have known the parents so far.

YANBU

I wouldn't worry what random people on MN think.

It's up to you, no one else, what you feel ok with. So what if you're THAT parent.

I have a child who is highly sensitive, possibly on the spectrum, and with some medical needs I wouldn't leave him on a playdate even with someone I'd met until both he and I knew them well, and I knew he could cope with it.

Another reception parent. This year has been really strange. We’ve had no parties so far this year but we have had a year of staying at home away from people. So no I wouldn’t just drop my child off at the door. The September 2020 reception have had a very different life and you can’t throw them in at the deep end. DC has been to playdates and we’ve had people to ours but we’ve had to say no to drop at the door simply because DC isn’t ready. Go with what your DC is comfortable with.

There’s no way I’d leave my child at a stranger’s house at that age. I’d go with her and stay. When my youngest was five he got invited to a 5th birthday party at a bowling alley. I was the only parent who stayed apart from the mother and gran of the birthday child. They were going to let the kids wander off and use the public toilets by themselves. I made the kids go into the toilets in groups and waited outside the toilets for them all to come out. Chances are they’d be fine by themselves but why take the risk.

But she's said you can stay so what's all the fuss??

Can you not compromise and drop her and let them know you are outside staying in your car ? Take some paperwork or a good book and sit in your car outside , she gets the freedom , you are to hand, the house isn't crowded even more , win win ?