Upset for my daughter

[Theblacksheepandme]

My daughter is friends with a group of five girls. They are not close friends but meet up once a year through parents organising this. They also stay in touch through social media. There is a reason for the meet up but it is personal. One of the Mums sent me a text about a month ago asking if my daughter would be free to spend a week at her house and she was going to ask all the other girls also. I asked my daughter and she was quite excited and jumped at the chance. I told her my daughter would love to go and thanked her for the invite. She informed me that she would let me know further details when she heard back from everyone else. Today my daughter was on social media and could see the girls together at this Mums house having a great time and posting pictures. I told her to send a message asking why she didn't know about this as she would like to have been there. The Mums daughter acted clueless and said she didn't know. I later received this text from the Mum. I have put fake names in place of real names. One of the other girls was not there but because her Mum said she couldn't go. AIBU that she shouldn't have sent me an invite if she was then going to do this?. She should have thought about how many her car can carry before sending an invite out to all these girls parents. I assumed she had a people carrier based on the invite to all. It looks like she needed to drop one of the girls in order to fit four in and my daughter was the one dropped. It may be that she asked her daughter to pick who she wanted. I think this should have been done in the first place and send invites out to the four girls her daughter wanted. This would have spared my daughters hurt feelings. She would still have seen photos but she would have understood that sometimes it doesn't have to include her. I want to reply to this text but want it to be civil. My daughter is not at all confrontational and does not want to upset anyone. It is important for her to remain in contact with these girls. I had doubts even to say yes to her going as this woman has in the past been quite passive aggressive with me and my husband. Below is the text. Sorry for the long rant.

Anna is more than welcome, Lucy hope to come later in the summer, so we'll plan for that. I have room for four in my car so could not have all at the same time as there is just me! Justine is a bit iffy about Covid but I'm sure we'll have them down.I am more than happy to have Anna come!

Homemadearmy
The Annual meet up never happened due to Covid as it is earlier in the year. I think her organising this was her cock handed way of getting all the girls together in the summer. Only one couldn't go and one was dropped. The annual meet up will be next year again.

Cocomarine
But from everything you’ve said - it just sounds like a group where the annual meet just isn’t as important to the other kids or parents as it is to you.

As I said before I go with the flow every year when 4 Mums and their daughters take control of the annual meet up. I don't push my daughter in going. In fact every year I ask if she still wants to do this. She told me that she thinks it will be important in later years. I honestly wouldn't be bothered if I never saw them again
We bring her and go home. I hear nothing from them again until the following year.

I know the Mothers have set up a group through social media amongst themselves leaving me out. They have for years been meeting up outside this annual meet up along with the kids. That is not nice but I can't force people to include me or my daughter. She knows that is just life and people can be like that. But if you decide to suddenly change things and ask her after over 10 years of not asking and she is excited about it. I then get annoyed by her being the one chosen to be dropped.

Now you are probably going to say that it might be down to her daughter and you are probably right. Is it not a parents responsibility to make sure shitty behaviour does not happen I certainly know my daughter wouldn't do this. I would have considered the logistics of how I can do this in the first place before I would disappoint anyone.

Op, if it’s meant to be then the girls will find each other in later years and I’d let this go now.

I’m someone who over the last 10 years has been contacted by 4 half siblings all born to separate mothers during the course of my parents marriage. It’s why I’m of the belief that where there’s a will there’s a way and I wouldn’t be giving myself, or letting anyone else give me a headache in the here and now with regards to whatever situation you’re in.

Life really is too short and too difficult at the best of times to bother with this meet up nonsense.

MaBroon21
Thanks for your kind advice. I am not going to do anymore about this. I think you are completely right.