Do parents have a say so in their kids sex life?

[Pinkie98]

I'm 22(f) still living at home (should be moved out by the end of the year if all goes to plan), and in the past my mom has made a bit of a deal about my sex life, she was in tears when she found out I lost my v-card (I was 19). She's emphasised that it is disrespectful to have sex while I'm still living at home. I understand her house her rules, but at the same time, sex is a biological urge and imo she's making it sound like it's wrong to do it and when I have done it, I usually feel guilty afterwards because of what she has said. AIBU to think that my mom is overreacting? Is it disrespectful to have sex in your family home? Surely it would be considered better to do it at home than some random place? Am I in the wrong here?

[tricky29]

I’ve not read everything but...It’s your home but it’s her house.

I’m much older than you now but when I was your age my parents were ok (not comfortable) with longer-term boyfriends staying if it wasn’t in their faces but wouldn’t have been happy with more casual hook-ups being brought back. Same could be said for a couple of flat shares as well.

Some people are more/less relaxed about having randoms in the kitchen in the morning. Especially parents!

[User57327259]

I was against my DD having their boyfriend to stay over in my house. It was not so much about sex as the fact that if I had let him stay I might never get him back out the door. He would have moved in by stealth and like my DD would not have made any contribution to household expenses (he was unemployed), my DD was employed.
Later they got a house by claiming to be homeless. My daughter was not homeless, she could have stayed but I would have been so controlled by them both. Around here this is how couples get houses from the local authority, they go homeless even if they are both able to stay with their respective parents.
When I met my DH we were not allowed to stay over in either set of parents' houses. If we wanted to be together we had to buy a small starter flat. We did that rather than try to manipulate our parents to let us stay over. After we were married we stayed over one night in my PIL house. I was so embarassed that I would not hold a conversation with DH and definitely would not have considered havig sex. I doubt if it would be a comfortable situation even though we were married a few years by the time we stayed over.
DD's boyfriend is now c-cklodging in a local authority house in her name while he does not work does not act as a SAHP.
I dont see that it is for a parent of an adult to facilitate any other adults' sex life. Would all the young people wanting to have sex in their parents' home be happy to bring the boyfriend home to mum and dad having sex in the public areas of their house or be having sex themselves in their room while mum and dad are have sex through the wall.
It is just more comfortable all round to have one's own home for privacy

[starrynight21]

You mention that you've never done the deed when she's been home. So how does she know you've done it . Maybe don't share the information with her if she doesn't like that kind of thing in her house.

[HollowTalk]

I wouldn't do it if she was in the house - I couldn't get into the mood if I thought she might hear. I can understand her saying she doesn't want that. But if you're elsewhere, what's it to her?

[Taikoo]

You should move out.
Your mum sounds weird and creepy.

[thefishthatcouldwish]

Her house her rules but your mum does need to get a grip mind you!

Do you pay anything towards living there ?

[TheNestedIf]

in the past my mom has made a bit of a deal about my sex life, she was in tears when she found out I lost my v-card (I was 19)

Even when I did it with my ex at his house, I always felt guilty.

This makes me upset and angry on your behalf. My mother did the same, with a bit more shouting, and I loathe her for it. At the point she humiliated me, she had got it wrong and I hadn't actually lost my virginity at all. Shortly after, I decided I may as well be hung for sheep as for lamb and went ahead. It has caused me problems with sex throughout my life. As soon as there's any hint of awkwardness or embarrassment in the bedroom, it usually kicks off a downward spiral into not feeling safe and not wanting to be intimate any more with that particular partner. Despite understanding why I react like that, I still haven't figured out how to change my reaction.

Your mother is fine to say it's her house, her rules. She is being absolutely unreasonable for making you feel guilty and wrong for doing what is natural.

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

She was in tears when she found out you'd had sex at 19. I take it you were the emaculate conception then.

[tricky29]

Read a bit more...the crying about you having sex for the first time is weird to me as my mum wasn’t like that and I can’t imagine feeling that with my own children.

Your ongoing guilt is a problem. You’re an adult, unless you’re being coerced then your mum is being OTT. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having sex when you are 22, don’t let anyone make you think otherwise. You say you want to move out soon, probably the sooner the better.

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

I mean dont get me wrong no parent wants to think of their child having sex just like no one likes,to think of their parents having sex.
If I didn't have my DD my mum and dad would still be thinking I was Virgin😂

[Summerfun54321]

I think it’s normal for parents not to want to think of their own daughter’s sex life any more than you want to think of your parent’s sex life. Don’t do it under her nose but for her to cry that you’re even having sex is ridiculous.

[SD1978]

Her house, her rules. My parents were a hard no to bed sharing/ sex before marriage in their home. It's their home and that's their choice which I and my sisters respected. It's pretty simple- you want to bring men home you move out. You live with your mum in her house, you respect her rules.

[RosesAndHellebores]

My DC are 26 and 23. Steady bfriends/girlfriends who we have met, not a problem. Random one night stands absolutely no way.

FWIW I'm 61 and my mother's 85. DH and I have never dtd at my mother's house. Not even 32 years ago when we were brightly, sparkly, young things

[Pinkie98]

@starrynight21 she made sure to enforce the rule before anything ever happened

[me4real]

@Pinkie98 I think after you move out some of shame or whatever you feel about sex will pass or start to wane. There certainly is more chance of them doing so than if you stay in this situation with your DM saying stuff/pulling faces.

[Pinkie98]

@thefishthatcouldwish I pay £300 per month

[Pinkie98]

@Awwlookatmybabyspider I could understand if I was 13 years old but 19? C'mon

[Pinkie98]

@TheNestedIf yeah, I got a telling off and then some silent treatment, making me feel even worse

[Pinkie98]

@me4real I agree with you on this

[RosesAndHellebores]

£300pcm probably just about covers your food and a small contribution to utilities.

[Maggiesfarm]

Pinkie it might be better to not live with your mother. You're an adult, there comes a time when we go it alone.

Most parents don't object to their child having a sexual relationship but they generally like it to be a long term, committed thing; even if it doesn't last, they know the original intentions were good. They also like to know who is staying in their home, using their facilities, etc. I don't think that is unreasonable.

If your mother doesn't like you having sex at home, don't do it, leave home. You don't need it. Sex is more than just a biological urge.

[me4real]

Wow, you could definitely get a room in a shared house inc bills for not all that much more than that I reckon, not that I know much about rents now and of course it depends where you are- not London I supose. It mightn't be the swankiest or in the poshest area but you could start having your own life for real. Start saving a month's rent in advance or whatever you'll need now.

[Pinkie98]

@RosesAndHellebores tbf the rent isn't that expensive, it's £370 and the majority of the bills are my moms personal bills like loans, credit cards and car finance. When we do grocery shopping I'll pay for some things too if my mom wants me to

[Pinkie98]

@me4real I've got some money saved, I think a few more months savings and I should be good to go

[KangarooSally]

Her house her rules. If you want to exercise the rights you have being an adult you have to live independently. While you're dependent and living at home she has the right to enforce whatever rules she feels she wants to