Do parents have a say so in their kids sex life?

[Pinkie98]

I'm 22(f) still living at home (should be moved out by the end of the year if all goes to plan), and in the past my mom has made a bit of a deal about my sex life, she was in tears when she found out I lost my v-card (I was 19). She's emphasised that it is disrespectful to have sex while I'm still living at home. I understand her house her rules, but at the same time, sex is a biological urge and imo she's making it sound like it's wrong to do it and when I have done it, I usually feel guilty afterwards because of what she has said. AIBU to think that my mom is overreacting? Is it disrespectful to have sex in your family home? Surely it would be considered better to do it at home than some random place? Am I in the wrong here?

[CleanQueen123]

Time to put firmer boundaries in place. Politely say it's not something you're prepared to discuss with her and then walk away.

You're an adult. You don't need to tell her a single thing about your life if you don't want to.

[justasking111]

There's some odd parents out there I have read on here people who live together that are separated bedroom wise when they go home to visit

[TheNestedIf]

@Pinkie98

My mother never changed. She was still pulling the same huffing and puffing with disgust in her voice crap when I decided, after a few years of singledom, to attend a singles event and met someone who went on to be my partner for over 10 years. I was 34 and living over 100 miles away from her!

I'm now single again and have half an eye on trying to seduce an acquaintance so it's just as well, for this and several other reasons, I've gone non-contact with the silly bitch.

You definitely need to get away from your mother, so it's good to hear you're working on that. Always try to remember, you're doing nothing wrong.

[CorianderBee]

God no. You're an adult and your sex life is your business. She can ask you not to bring strangers home due to safety concerns and not to have sex when she can hear it but I think that's about it.

[Eggsc1t1ngDay]

Ahhh - swingers

[Eggsc1t1ngDay]

Should say - none of your parents business

[Eggsc1t1ngDay]

At 22 your sex life is money of your parents business

If she asks again, you could wind her up & talk about threesomes or singers or tinder

Some people have a rule of "not in my house"
My parents had this rule

It is definitely time to move out

[Pinkie98]

@Mothership4two idk why everyone thinks I'm talking about bringing random people home haha! What you said is correct and I think some people are missing my point

[Pinkie98]

@StardewMelons

OP. Get the hell out of there. Nobody has the right to control your body or mind as an adult like this. You only live once, and not a single person including your mother should have a say in anything you do with you body. And before people say "Her house her rules" (still weird) but Op has stated she feels guilty having sex outside the home.

When I used to come home from my ex's house my mom would question whether or not I'd be doing it there which is why I started to feel even more guilty and uncomfortable

[BigSandyBalls2015]

I happy for proper boyfriends to stay the night but not casual FWB types.

[Pinkie98]

@TheNestedIf

I feel this is not altogether about the mother's house. The issue is more that Pinkie98 is being made to feel ashamed for having sex at all, anywhere. The house is just one means that the mother is using to control. It's a damaging mindset the mother is instilling.

@TheNestedIf Yes exactly this!!

[Pinkie98]

@CleanQueen123 that's the thing. i never shared information willingly, I just get grilled by her

[DeadButDelicious]

Her house, her rules, so if she says not under her roof then that's it but I do think she's being unreasonable to make you feel guilt about having sex at all and it's definitely unreasonable to get so upset over a 19 year old losing their virginity. As you've already said, time to move out!

When I first met my husband, we'd been out for the evening and he'd had too much to drink to drive home so he came back to mine and his mum was on the phone first thing in the morning, wanting to know where he was, who he was with, where had he slept, who were my parents, what did they do, we were 19 and 22!

[Trinacham]

@Bluntness100

I allow my daughter and my partner to share a bed and can’t imagine even thinking about what they do never mind giving an opinion, it’s nothing to do with me.

However I’m not your mother, and it’s her house, her rules so you need to abide by them, if you don’t like it then you leave.

Had to read that a few times! I'm sure you meant her partner

[Toebean]

What? Your DM has odd ideas. You are old enough to do what you want. My dd is19, I would never dream of commenting. Move out quick

[lastqueenofscotland]

Old fashioned but my mum always used to say “it’s your home but it’s my house” regarding rules.
That said, I moved out at 18 but my sister was at home until she was nearly 30 and she didn’t mind steady partners, but not flings/people she was bringing home on the first night etc as these were men she didn’t really know from Adam.

[Bluntness100]

I allow my daughter and my partner to share a bed and can’t imagine even thinking about what they do never mind giving an opinion, it’s nothing to do with me.

However I’m not your mother, and it’s her house, her rules so you need to abide by them, if you don’t like it then you leave.

[knittingaddict]

I was ok with our daughters having their long term steady partners to stay. I would not have been happy having random men sleep over and for them to have sex in our house. Fortunately this was never tested.

[CleanQueen123]

I think your DM is being unreasonable to be so dramatic.

However, why are you sharing this information with her when you know what her response will be?

She didn't need to know you'd lost your virginity and if the few times you've had sex at home, she's been out, why did you tell her at all?

Focus on saving to move out and keep your personal life to yourself. What she doesn't know can't hurt her

[EveryoneIsThere]

Maybe your Mum just didn't like your old boyfriend? I've never minded my kids having partners stay over but I've always liked their partners. If I really disliked one of the partners I imagine I wouldn't like them to stay over. I wouldn't say anything but I wouldn't like it.

[Trinacham]

@leeds2glasgow 22 is hardly too old to still be living at home! People thought I did well moving out at 24 (and that was with my partner!). How old are you? Thinking maybe times were different when you were young, as many years ago it was easier to move out younger.

[DrSbaitso]

@TheNestedIf

I feel this is not altogether about the mother's house. The issue is more that Pinkie98 is being made to feel ashamed for having sex at all, anywhere. The house is just one means that the mother is using to control. It's a damaging mindset the mother is instilling.

That's exactly it.

[RealisticSketch]

I think assuming you are considerate and are being discrete I think she is being heavy handed and probably hasn't really accepted your not her child anymore. It clearly isn't easy for her so try to understand that while exerting your right to be an adult.
Just don't do what my cousin did and being a screamer home! 😱🙉🙉🙉

[Londontown12]

I have 2 adult dc 18 d and 21 s
It’s there sexlife I have no problem with them being at home I’d rather that than some random place ! But I draw the line with random partners they have to be steady partners xxx

[leeds2glasgow]

@Pinkie98

Hey guys thanks for your input however I do feel like some people are missing the point. My main concern was about my mom's reaction to doing certain things or if I was being dramatic. I just wanted to know if other people ad ever experienced anything similar. This wasn't about being allowed sleepovers or how much the bills cost haha

Dramatic. Not on your mums side but at 22 why are you still there anyway?