DS's girlfriend is pregnant

[vorladung]

I've name changed

My DS has just turned 20. His girlfriend is 28 and she has an almost 8 yearold son. They've been together for just over a year and half. When they got together I was a bit but I never told DS and I always supported their relationship and supported him helping his girlfriend bring her son up (his biological dad isn't involved). He now lives with her and her son.

Today he came around and told me that she's about 18 weeks pregnant, I was very shocked but I was supportive and he told me he didn't tell me earlier because he needed to get his head around it but now he's happy and so is his girlfriend.

I feel a bit sad as well as he's only 20 and he's already got a family but I'm also proud of him because he's helping to bring up another mans child.

I just feel terrible for being sad as I should be happy for them.

[UhtredRagnarson]

@Daphnise

Did they not realise contraception was available?

Do you not realise thinking is an option?

They’ve been together a year and a half and she has only been pregnant for 4 months so I reckon they were aware of contraception.

[malificent7]

It dependsbif you are a glass half full or empty person really. Is HE happy about it?

[UhtredRagnarson]

Fwiw I was a teen parent and my mother being gutted and angry totally ruined my pregnancy and my sons first months. Yes I’m sure it wasn’t what she wanted for me but it was the situation I was in and her being miserable didn’t change a damn thing. I couldn’t go to her for support or talk about my fears. I couldn’t share my excitement when I had a scan or felt my baby’s first movements. Don’t do that to your son OP.

[Thewinterofdiscontent]

Life is long.

Honestly anything that happens at 20 years old is not a death sentence. Be supportive because who knows?

[Lolamambam]

@ohdearjack

I had my daughter at 21, pregnant at 20 and she was the making of me. I wouldn't be where I am today if I didn't have her as my motivation. I feel she was the reason I have worked so hard because I want to be able to provide her with everything she needs and more. If I hadn't had her I could have seen me staying lazy and complacent the rest of my days. She was the kick up the arse I needed. Additionally it's great now being under 30 and having an 8 year old who is like mini best friend. Your son sounds responsible, it doesn't need to be a negative thing.

Aww that is so lovely! X

[Dunnesstores]

Is he happy in his relationship and with the realisation he's going to be a dad?

That's the important bit. It doesn't matter what you or others think is the best way to spend your 20s it's what he thinks.
He's in charge of his own life and if at some stage he regrets spending his youth raising children and feels he missed out then he can make sure not to have any more and when they're raised make up for lost time. If on the other hand having a family young is making him happy maybe he'll go on to have more.

Not everyone places value on living it up in their 20s, having lots of freedom or focusing on building a career. There's no right or wrong let people find their own way.

Like you I would have concerns about their age gap but look at it this way, she's more mature, has experience raising a child and is obviously capable. I'm assuming they have their own place too.
At least you don't have to worry that it's a pair of very young adults who won't be able to cope or wonder where they'll live and raise the children.

[QuimKardashian]

Your son must a lovely man to take on a child that isn't his. My son has done the same thing and I am so proud of him ❤️
Yes you will be a granny, but a year from now I guarantee you would not change a thing. You will have this gorgeous grand child who you will love like no other. So what if it isn't what you had hoped for? It isn't your life.. just you wait and see!!

[Viviennemary]

I would be furious. This really is exploitation from this woman. She should have known better at her age.

[parsnipsnotsprouts]

If it makes you feel any better most men do not take the brunt of the childcare and general emotional and physical exhaustion children involve so his life won’t be that different

[Viviennemary]

Tied dosn to a woman nearly 10 years older than he is who already has a child. Its a recipe for disaster imho.

[osbertthesyrianhamster]

@Viviennemary

I would be furious. This really is exploitation from this woman. She should have known better at her age.

He was over 18 when they met and got together. He's been with her a couple of years. She's 28, not 40.

[maddiemookins16mum]

I’d be gutted.

[Nightbear]

So she was 26, with a 6 year old child, and she started a relationship with an 18 year old? I would have been furious with her then and so sad for him now. All you can do is hide the disappointment and be there for him.

[DariaMorgendorffer]

That's tough op. There is a world of difference between a 28 year old mother, and an (until very recently) 19 year old man. Worlds apart. When I was a 28 year old mother I wouldn't have glanced at anyone younger than me, particularly taking into account the age difference between the man and the child. 11 or 12 years? So small.

However, it is happening, and you will make the best of it I'm sure. It's not the end of the world. Be kind to yourself

[DarcyLewis]

I'd be sad too, but you are where you are so being supportive and making the most of a lovely new grandchild is all you can do.

[Sweettea1]

Everyone saying its so young children holding you back an so on is wrong. My good friend fell pregnant while still in school (16) then had another a year later she Is now only 40 with a good job owns her home and 2 grown adult daughters it's not all negative having children young.

[MrsIsobelCrawley]

It's sad for your DS to be tied down with so many responsibilities so young when he should be widening his horizons and having fun.

It rarely works out for the best.

[HowToMurderYourLife]

What’s done is done so all you can do is support your child but I would be gutted. I would also do my very best not to show it.

A 26 year old of either sex with a six year child dating an 18 year old is very dodgy too. It’s very different to a 36year old dating a 28 year old. he hasn’t had a chance to live as an independent adult. That should be a huge turn off for any reasonable adult. 18 year olds are still kids to people in their mid twenties or above unless they are predatory or deeply immature, neither of which bodes well for the future.

[Runnerduck34]

I have a 20 year old son, I would be shocked and a bit upset too tbh, although swiftly excited about a grandchild!
I think the issue for me would be the age gap in his relationship, thats a significant gap at his age and he was only 12 when his partners child was born and also parenthood will restrict his life choices for example going to uni will be harder if you have a child to support
So I think your feelings are reasonable and tbh I would wonder why a 28 year old with a child would want to be with a 20 year old as usually they are in completely different places in their lives ,
All you can do is be supportive and be there for him, there will be lots of positives too and your grandchild will bring you lots of joy.

[England101]

They’re red flags here. Why would a woman who’s almost 30 and has a child want/pursue a relationship with a teenager!?! You have obviously raised him well as he is facing up to his responsibilities. But he should definitely get a DNA test. If roles were reversed (pregnant teen girl with a 27/28 yr old guy with a kid) I doubt there’d be so many responses of ‘it’s not so bad/it was the making of me’

[MrsIsobelCrawley]

So she was 26, with a 6 year old child, and she started a relationship with an 18 year old?

More than likely grooming. The pregnancy is part of the plan.

[SofiaMichelle]

Oh dear, I'd be gutted too, OP.

[Viviennemary]

I agree with a DNA test for starters. I doubt I would encourage him to be overly involved with the child. He should be out with his friends and free to meet somebody his own age not tied down with responsibilities to an older woman and her family.

[Lovenahla]

I would be disappointed.

[UhtredRagnarson]

I doubt I would encourage him to be overly involved with the child.

You are a very strange person @Viviennemary