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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Punished at school for saying ‘flipping heck’

483 replies

porkincider · 19/06/2021 16:22

At pick up yesterday the teacher asked me to wait behind for a minute as my 8yo Ds had been put on red (they have a traffic light system- start on green, if really good go to silver and then gold, if naughty go to orange and then red. Get on red twice in a term and you have to go to the headmaster’s office). Ds has always been really good, he’s incredibly shy, hates drawing attention to himself and normally just bobs along on green every week.

He looked mortified when he came out and the teacher told me he’d had to go straight onto red for bad language during PE. Ds tried to say “I only said” but teacher interrupted and said “please don’t say it again, you’ll only get yourself into more trouble”. Anyway, he apologised, we walked home and that was that.

I asked him what he’d said and why when we got home and he told me he missed a goal in PE and said “oh, flipping heck”. I asked him if he was sure that was what he’d said, that he hadn’t said the F word but he was adamant he hadn’t and was in tears of frustration at this point as he kept trying to tell the teacher what he’d said but she just kept telling her not to repeat it.

I messaged the teacher on the school app and said “Ds is very sorry for upsetting you today. He’s adamant that he only said ‘flipping heck’ though and wanted me just tell you that he would never say anything ruder than that either at school or at home”. Teacher immediately messaged back to say that she was aware that was what he’d said, it was more the tone that he’d said it in that she was disappointed about (which wasn’t what she’d told me at pick up) and that I needed to ensure that he was aware that language of that type is not acceptable at school.

Is ‘flipping heck’ rude? I say it all the time and I’m certain that is where he’s picked it up from but I’ve never told him not to say it. I thought it was just a nonsense exclamation.

OP posts:
Foxhasbigsocks · 19/06/2021 20:13

I have intent to swear every day Grin

DahliaMacNamara · 19/06/2021 20:22

It must be a very genteel little community if children are given this ridiculous sanction when they haven't actually sworn at anyone. At my local primary they'd probably think it wasn't worth the effort of trying to tone their language down for school if this is what they got.

SamanthaVimes · 19/06/2021 20:28

I’m astonished people think flipping heck is a punishable phrase.

It’s polite words to say instead of swearing… literally the whole point of it is you aren’t swearing!

I can understand if it was directed at someone else/ the teacher but then it’s about the attitude rather than the words. To be punished for directing it at yourself is mad to me.

I can’t think of any workplaces I’ve been in where it would raise an eyebrow and I certainly wouldn’t be surprised at a child of any age saying it.

porkincider · 19/06/2021 20:30

How can intent to swear he just as bad when he doesn’t know any swear words?! I feel guilty as I know I say “oh, God” and “Jesus Christ” a lot which I know wouldn’t be acceptable at their CofE school. For the last couple of years I’ve been consciously trying not to say that and have been saying “flipping heck” or “sugar” instead. Im not going to actively start saying “golly gosh” or “crikey” as I don’t want to encourage kids to bully my child. But apparently even substitutes are unacceptable to some and no exclamation of surprise or frustration should ever be uttered by a child as it’s the equivalent of saying “fuck off you cunt” Confused.

I live in a fairly rough part of SW but Yorkshire family. Teacher is from NW and has a Manchester accent so maybe it’s rude there?

OP posts:
OrangeRug · 19/06/2021 20:32

Omg what an absolute joke. They are utterly pathetic.

DeciduousPerennial · 19/06/2021 20:34

His teacher needs to get a grip

a8mint · 19/06/2021 20:43

I don't think 'flipping heck' is remotely rude. Either the teacher made a poor judgement call, or the context and tone was the issue.
Still 'red' seems very harsh yanbu

iklboo · 19/06/2021 20:48

I live in a fairly rough part of SW but Yorkshire family. Teacher is from NW and has a Manchester accent so maybe it’s rude there?

Is it fuck Grin.

Not rude here - even the teachers say it on occasion.

WildRosie · 19/06/2021 20:48

I would be very interested to hear how these whiter than white teachers express their own frustration when they fuck up. Where do these people come from ?

itsgettingwierd · 19/06/2021 20:50

Problem with punishing what some see as "swearing substitutes" is that you then are actually completely removing the ability to express anger verbally.

I didn't think flipping heck was that bad (but I work secondary special so being called a cunt is an occupational hazard Grin).

But even then we don't punish heavily for anger or frustration. What exactly does that achieve?

Namechangedlady · 19/06/2021 21:04

[quote KingdomScrolls]@Arbadacarba crikey, gosh, golly, oh no, no way! The more American shoot ..... All preferable to flipping heck from an eight year old[/quote]
Please don't teach your child 'Golly', they'll be in the office for racism the first time the mutter it.

ObviousNameChage · 19/06/2021 21:12

@itsgettingwierd

Problem with punishing what some see as "swearing substitutes" is that you then are actually completely removing the ability to express anger verbally.

I didn't think flipping heck was that bad (but I work secondary special so being called a cunt is an occupational hazard Grin).

But even then we don't punish heavily for anger or frustration. What exactly does that achieve?

I got called worse too, including threats, and I'm only in primary.Grin

I just know some schools have that policy for various reasons , including "I said flapping cows miss" not "fucking cunt" .

DD is at a Catholic school so OMG, Jesus, oh God etc aren't allowed including everything else . That was a pain to explain and rationalise.

Some schools have a blanket policy, some judge depending on the situation and context, some allow it.

likeafishneedsabike · 19/06/2021 21:13

@Mousetown

I wouldn’t say it around my dd and would be disappointed if I heard her say it.
Good grief. YOU must really clutch your pearls when somebody properly fucking swears.
Tornfelt · 19/06/2021 21:24

Flippin' 'eck Alan!

iklboo · 19/06/2021 21:26

Never watch old episodes of Grange Hill. Flipping' 'eck Benny!

MorriseysGladioli · 19/06/2021 21:39

I thought it was encouraged for all of us to express our emotions more in healthy ways.
Flipping eck sounds healthy enough to me.

CorianderBee · 19/06/2021 21:48

That's ridiculous. You can't start treating all exclamations as swear words when they're not.

MorriseysGladioli · 19/06/2021 21:51

I wonder if "Ouch!" will be outlawed soon?

SapphireSeptember · 19/06/2021 21:51

@shouldistop

It's difficult to think of a more tame curse than 'flipping heck'.

But an 8yo shouldn't be 'cursing' at school, tame or not.

I do think the teacher over reacted though and should have just asked him not to say it.

I used to say 'drat' (courtesy of Wacky Races) and 'rats' at school when I was 8, (24 years ago) and no one raised an eyebrow. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Was that allowed? Are 8 year olds not allowed to vent their spleen?
CorianderBee · 19/06/2021 21:54

Some people are just weird and think any exclamation of surprise of frustration is bad language and that bad language is the worst thing ever. In reality it's just words and people need to grow up.

Saying flipping heck won't hurt him or anyone else around him.

CorianderBee · 19/06/2021 21:55

@arethereanyleftatall

Rude for me, I'm afraid op. It's not really a particularly rude phrase for an adult, but completely different that an 8 year old said it. Must be regional. Round my way, at 8 they're still saying 'Jack said a a rude word today. He said shut up.'
Shut up is rude. Much, much ruder than flipping heck...
SummerBreeze1980 · 19/06/2021 21:55

That traffic light system sounds horrible. As does the teacher! Of course 'flipping heck' is not rude atall! It is completely normal to use words to express frustration and by not allowing it the school just encourage frustration to build...and then it might come out not just as words. This is the complete opposite of looking after the DC's wellbeing which includes helping them recognise and express their emotions. I would be talking to the head of year.

SummerBreeze1980 · 19/06/2021 21:59

@arethereanyleftatall - 'shut up' is aimed at someone and my DC would never say that. That would not be acceptable round here. 'Flipping heck' on the other hand is a completely normal way to express frustration at yourself. Really surprised 'shut up' is ok for you but not 'flipping heck'.

SummerBreeze1980 · 19/06/2021 22:02

@CorianderBee - completely agree. I have never hidden the fact I use swear words in frustration from my DC. Consequently, they are just words for them and unlike all the DC swearing to shock their parents or the minute they are away from adults using swear words to 'look cool' mine have never done that. But ffs 'flipping heck'!! Can they not say 'sugar' either?

mrsjoyfulprizeforraffiawork · 19/06/2021 22:04

Flipping heck! I can't believe anyone would find that swearing. My parents were vehemently against bad language. Not even damn and blast were allowed. However flipping heck was not considered swearing by anyone when I grew up (London suburb) and I am pretty sure I recall some characters in the schoolboy comics saying it.