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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Punished at school for saying ‘flipping heck’

483 replies

porkincider · 19/06/2021 16:22

At pick up yesterday the teacher asked me to wait behind for a minute as my 8yo Ds had been put on red (they have a traffic light system- start on green, if really good go to silver and then gold, if naughty go to orange and then red. Get on red twice in a term and you have to go to the headmaster’s office). Ds has always been really good, he’s incredibly shy, hates drawing attention to himself and normally just bobs along on green every week.

He looked mortified when he came out and the teacher told me he’d had to go straight onto red for bad language during PE. Ds tried to say “I only said” but teacher interrupted and said “please don’t say it again, you’ll only get yourself into more trouble”. Anyway, he apologised, we walked home and that was that.

I asked him what he’d said and why when we got home and he told me he missed a goal in PE and said “oh, flipping heck”. I asked him if he was sure that was what he’d said, that he hadn’t said the F word but he was adamant he hadn’t and was in tears of frustration at this point as he kept trying to tell the teacher what he’d said but she just kept telling her not to repeat it.

I messaged the teacher on the school app and said “Ds is very sorry for upsetting you today. He’s adamant that he only said ‘flipping heck’ though and wanted me just tell you that he would never say anything ruder than that either at school or at home”. Teacher immediately messaged back to say that she was aware that was what he’d said, it was more the tone that he’d said it in that she was disappointed about (which wasn’t what she’d told me at pick up) and that I needed to ensure that he was aware that language of that type is not acceptable at school.

Is ‘flipping heck’ rude? I say it all the time and I’m certain that is where he’s picked it up from but I’ve never told him not to say it. I thought it was just a nonsense exclamation.

OP posts:
DietrichandDiMaggio · 19/06/2021 18:46

Crap, bloody and fart are far ruder.

Fart is not rude and nobody should get told off for using it instead of one of the euphemisms for it, though depending on the context it could be inappropriate and worthy of consequence because of that.

ObviousNameChage · 19/06/2021 18:46
  1. The traffic light system ,especially with the kid's pictures/names on them is slightly outdated and not great behaviour management.
  1. Intent to swear is just as bad. A lot of teachers know and can tell (by tone, circumstances, facial expressions etc) when a child's intent is to swear. Just because flipping heck comes out of their mouth doesn't mean it should be ignored. Just like a child sticking the wrong finger up repeatedly at a teacher (instead of the middle one) when angry wouldn't be ignored.

The closer the substitute words are to actual swear words , the harder they are to ignore. They shouldn't be either.

I bet he wouldn't be in trouble if he shouted "sugar plums!" Instead.

BeckyWithTheCurls · 19/06/2021 18:48

Flipping Eck isn’t rude where I come from! Hmm

Over the top imo!

Lotsolove · 19/06/2021 18:56

Teacher is bang out of order on this. Speak to the head. She has changed her story from the issue being what your son said to the tone he said it in. She clearly isn’t going to understand she has done something wrong without her boss explaining it to her.

RavingAnnie · 19/06/2021 19:01

Why is she making up her own list of swear words. What are you supposed to say when frustrated that isn't a "swear word substitute". Surely anything can fit in that category. If that's the "rule" where is the line, you can't say "sugar" or "fudge" or similar???

Ridiculous.

NC276 · 19/06/2021 19:10

So weird, my 6 year old and I had a conversation about exactly this today. Words being used as substitute for a "bad" word. Flipping, sugar etc. So you're not technically swearing but you're using it as a substitute for a swear word. I said it was fine as you're not using the swear word, but his argument was if you're using it like a swear word why is it bad to say the actual swear word? Fair point mate. We just agreed not to use the substitute whilst with anyone other than me or his dad. This is after me explaining that "oh my God" is offensive to some people and would count as swearing (or worse) to them. Been a long day of self isolation 😉😂.

NC276 · 19/06/2021 19:11

Also, his school have the traffic light system and the anxiety it causes him is ridiculous.

DysmalRadius · 19/06/2021 19:11

Intent to swear is just as bad. A lot of teachers know and can tell (by tone, circumstances, facial expressions etc) when a child's intent is to swear. Just because flipping heck comes out of their mouth doesn't mean it should be ignored.

So if a child gets angry and does their best to moderate their language and avoid swearing, you punish them anyway if you suspect that they actually wanted to swear? How on earth is that enshrined in the school behaviour policy?

Justgettingbye · 19/06/2021 19:16

Seems like an over reaction. I associate 'flippin heck' with Yorkshire folk Smile

I'd say to him just don't say it again and don't worry about it!

woodhill · 19/06/2021 19:17

@WeatherwaxOn

"Flipping 'eck, Tucker" is all I can think of. That was considered ok in children's TV It's not swearing, and not like swearing. Teacher is imo, totally in the wrong.
Yes, my post upthread said similar - thought it was only me

And ecky thump - the Goodies?

bargelights · 19/06/2021 19:19

Do some teachers seriously punish children for "intent to swear"? Wow.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 19/06/2021 19:21

@shouldistop

It's a stand in for 'fucking hell' as pp said. I wouldn't want my dc saying it tbh but straight to red was maybe a bit much.
If people are going to be chastised for using stands in where are we going to be with the humble asterisk, it's splattered about all over newspapers and the internet as a stand in letter - and you usually only have to try the five vowels to establish the original word!
looptheloopinahulahoop · 19/06/2021 19:25

I don't think flippin heck is rude. I think the teacher thought it was something else too and refused to admit she was wrong.

Mind you, my childminder raised her eyebrows at me when I said something was crap so maybe I am just very uncouth, even though I actually don't like swearing at all.

As for stand ins, isn't the whole point that you are not saying the rude thing. I read a book recently where one of the characters says "oh fox" when something goes wrong Grin

looptheloopinahulahoop · 19/06/2021 19:26

@DysmalRadius

Intent to swear is just as bad. A lot of teachers know and can tell (by tone, circumstances, facial expressions etc) when a child's intent is to swear. Just because flipping heck comes out of their mouth doesn't mean it should be ignored.

So if a child gets angry and does their best to moderate their language and avoid swearing, you punish them anyway if you suspect that they actually wanted to swear? How on earth is that enshrined in the school behaviour policy?

I've heard some silly things on MN but this is right up there with them.

So moderating language is a bad thing now?

Sigh.

ObviousNameChage · 19/06/2021 19:31

@bargelights

Do some teachers seriously punish children for "intent to swear"? Wow.
Mostly when it's aimed at others, yes.

Even if not, normally at least chat should happen.

You're free to disagree.

Serin · 19/06/2021 19:32

How ridiculous.

Classica · 19/06/2021 19:34

I bet he wouldn't be in trouble if he shouted "sugar plums!" Instead.

But plums are slang for testicles so that might be dangerous territory too. What if you suspected he wanted to shout 'BIG HAIRY BOLLOCKS'. What if the intent was there?

A month in solitary for shouting 'sugar plums'.

orphananniesmum · 19/06/2021 19:36

How silly

I'd email her back and tell her it's not a fucking obscenity and to grow up

bargelights · 19/06/2021 19:36

I absolutely disagree. Good heavens. Teachers are not clairvoyant, for one thing. They can't possibly know from a child's tone or facial expression what he/she may have considered saying. Moreover, even if the child wanted to swear but chose not to, he/she should not be punished for having the self-control to avoid the inappropriate language. Any teacher who punishes children for the offense of "intent to swear" should leave the profession immediately IMO.

bargelights · 19/06/2021 19:39

Sorry, my previous message was in response to ObviousNameChage.

MargaretFraggle · 19/06/2021 19:39

Flipping 'eck, Tucker" is all I can think of. That was considered ok in children's TV

So agree Smile

This teacher was totally overreacting to talk to you and put him down a traffic light.

Tell your DS to call her a Great Galah.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 19/06/2021 19:39

The people who think a child shouldn't say this, what IS acceptable?

Merriwicks · 19/06/2021 19:47

I think it is an over reaction. It is about use in the scenario as well though. If the teacher has asked him to do something and he said flilling heck, that is rude. He was frustrated at missing a goal, flipping heck is Ok in my book.
My 4 year old says oh my god all the time when something fun or exciting happens. Someone above mentioned that wouldn't be tolerated in her school. I wonder if it is a region thing as well. I found when I lived in England people took offense to swearing a lot more compared to Ireland where it does form part of every sentence for some people.
I would never have been allowed to swear and I still don't really. I don't even notice when other people do swear though. Except for my Dad as he never would swear and when he does it sounds very strange haha
I wouldn't be happy with that punishment for mh child. Not sure there is a lot that can be done. It is difficult to undermine the teacher as well when they do have to respect who is teaching them. I would maybe just be honest and explain, I don't see an issue with what you said, however some people don't like certain words and this seems to be one your teacher didn't like. You had no way of knowing this before this happened, so don't give it another thought but try and not use those words when in school again.

DeflatedGinDrinker · 19/06/2021 19:54

It's not even a swear word. My sons got introuble for saying 'for God's sake' at school as it uses the lords name in vain. Not that we believe in god.

TheMarzipanDildo · 19/06/2021 20:04

2. Intent to swear is just as bad.

No it isn’t. It just really isn’t.