Punished at school for saying ‘flipping heck’

[porkincider]

At pick up yesterday the teacher asked me to wait behind for a minute as my 8yo Ds had been put on red (they have a traffic light system- start on green, if really good go to silver and then gold, if naughty go to orange and then red. Get on red twice in a term and you have to go to the headmaster’s office). Ds has always been really good, he’s incredibly shy, hates drawing attention to himself and normally just bobs along on green every week.

He looked mortified when he came out and the teacher told me he’d had to go straight onto red for bad language during PE. Ds tried to say “I only said” but teacher interrupted and said “please don’t say it again, you’ll only get yourself into more trouble”. Anyway, he apologised, we walked home and that was that.

I asked him what he’d said and why when we got home and he told me he missed a goal in PE and said “oh, flipping heck”. I asked him if he was sure that was what he’d said, that he hadn’t said the F word but he was adamant he hadn’t and was in tears of frustration at this point as he kept trying to tell the teacher what he’d said but she just kept telling her not to repeat it.

I messaged the teacher on the school app and said “Ds is very sorry for upsetting you today. He’s adamant that he only said ‘flipping heck’ though and wanted me just tell you that he would never say anything ruder than that either at school or at home”. Teacher immediately messaged back to say that she was aware that was what he’d said, it was more the tone that he’d said it in that she was disappointed about (which wasn’t what she’d told me at pick up) and that I needed to ensure that he was aware that language of that type is not acceptable at school.

Is ‘flipping heck’ rude? I say it all the time and I’m certain that is where he’s picked it up from but I’ve never told him not to say it. I thought it was just a nonsense exclamation.

Would “oh sugar” be allowed ? We say that a lot.

Yabu. It may be swearing but an 8yo should not be speaking like that. Also, the teacher said it was also the tone so I can imagine how it was said. Instead of nitpicking on whether it was swearing, address the words your 8yo is using.

"address the words" - there's nothing wrong with the words and this isn't swearing. They should be pleased that they have a child who is able to use moderate language like this.
The world's gone fucking mad.

@porkincider

I think the teacher probably misheard, assumed he said “fucking hell” but then decided to dig her heels in when I messaged her. I hate making a fuss at school but poor Ds was absolutely gutted about it and I feel like crap for letting him say it.

I think you're spot on here

Ridiculous. I’d just say I think there are obviously some huge cultural differences between school and home or anywhere! and that you’d like her to suggest what school would find appropriate for ds to say if he misses a goal because expressing emotions isn’t harmful and you don’t want him upset for behaviour you were unaware was frowned on at school.

@Zari29

Yabu. It may be swearing but an 8yo should not be speaking like that. Also, the teacher said it was also the tone so I can imagine how it was said. Instead of nitpicking on whether it was swearing, address the words your 8yo is using.

But what is wrong with expressing frustration with himself when he missed a goal by saying flipping heck?

Reminds me of when I was playing a game in the playground in primary school and said ‘Jesus Christ’ - I went to a catholic school and a staunch catholic was supervising us at dinner time.
I look back at it now and can not believe that I was punished for it. It’s absolutely ludacris and I feel the same about your situation too.

I too was a shy child who was very sensitive. It traumatised next and I was horrified about standing in the hall with all the children looking at me and the staff looking down on me.. I sobbed and sobbed and was left to it..

Absolutely crazy!!! Has this teacher nothing else to be concerned about with all the pandemic and ‘the risk of burnout, ofsted, up to their neck in work etc etc‘

This is not a major issue! Especially if your son is an achiever anyway.

Agree with @5zeds completely! The world has gone absolutely crackers!!!

My 8 year old says that as well. We are in Scotland, not really a common phrase, but the (soon to be ex husband) is from Manchester and he always says that as does his side of family. I don't personally find it offensive. I think that teacher needs to take the stick out of her rectum (I am being polite) and put it into context. I think OP stated that this was during a football game in PE? So wee one would have been high energy and excited / frustrated. I don't think this is acceptable at all from the school!

OP are you from the North of England but now live in the South?

Another one from Yorkshire (Sheffield) who's been saying it since she could talk. Flippin' 'eck, my mother said it - and she didn't even like referring to the plant Dicentra by its other name of Bleeding Heart. (If you had a cut, bleeding was OK though.)

Clearly at least in Yorkshire things have evolved, no-one takes it as a substitute for fucking hell even if it originally was/might have been.

When I was in reception I vividly remember reporting to my Mum and Dad that the dinner lady had said "the eff word". Didn't even know what it meant, I was just repeating what I'd heard other kids saying and it sounded scandalous. They were furious until they got it out of me that it was "flipping". No harm done. The teacher is beyond ridiculous.

Can you email her to say - I'd say 'I was a bit confused by our chat today and just wanted to clarify whether it was the words DS used or the tone he said them in that was the issue and what would be a school appropriate way to express annoyance that I can ask him to use in future, many thanks for your help.'

I would imagine damn it and for god's sake are probably out - or maybe kids are just not allowed to express annoyance at all??

I’d tell him that these things happen and to forget it, but reassure him that he was not wrong.

Wow, there are some prissy people about.
An extremely staunch Baptist ex-boss of mine used 'flipping heck', so I think it's pretty mild.
A total overreaction from the teacher (and from quite a few people here).

Primary teacher here and I've heard far worse from kids a lot younger.
Flipping heck I might say isn't words we use in school if it was being used all the time but I certainly wouldn't be putting him on red (maybe if I'd already told him 3 times in the past hour I would but not for a one off) even then probably only if he was directing it at someone else e.g flipping heck x you should have scored etc.
In your ds case where he said it in response to himself missing the goal id have just pretended I didn't hear it. He wasn't doing any harm or directing it at anyone else.

"Flipping heck" might not be rude at home or at Sunday football, but this sort of episode is a great opportunity to teach kids that adapting your language for different settings is an important skill.

Also, the teacher said tone was a problem.

I agree with. I'm a teacher too and a child yelling 'flipping heck' in an annoyed tone definitely isn't acceptable at school. However I do think the teacher has made it bigger than than it needed to be.

East Mids here and flipping heck is commonly used. Blimey, goodness me, gosh and crikey would all be off the agenda if you were to take away anything that is or is possibly in some places a substitute for swearing.....

Crap, bloody and fart are far ruder.

However I was told recently that berk (which I use affectionately and have called my kids etc) comes from the rhyming slang Berkeley Hunt = c*nt! So I may not be a good source of info.

Yes but the teacher hasn’t taught him to adjust his tone because she didn’t tell the child that was the issue and she hasn’t as far as we know told the child what he should say.

I resorted to using various food items such as fudge and rhubarb.
I've also been known to shout "shagpile carpets." On the odd occasion "fudging nora".
My xmil used to use "sugar it".
I personally would not think that flippin heck is a bad swear.

Good grief - total OTT reaction from the teacher. I’d second asking her for phrases which are acceptable in that situation (and would think she should be glad she hasn’t heard worse in her career).

"Flipping 'eck, Tucker" is all I can think of. That was considered ok in children's TV
It's not swearing, and not like swearing.
Teacher is imo, totally in the wrong.

I think the teacher's reaction is over the top. Which region are you from? It's quite commonly said where we are from, dm says it a lot. Definitely wouldn't say it's interchangeable for fucking hell.

We said flipping heck, in the 50's when to say fuck was not a usual thing at all, so not a substitute for fucking hell, more on the level of 'hecky thump'! I had a very sheltered upbringing where damnation was the worst thing I heard my father say, and i thought to call someone a twerp, was swearing, because my grandad used it.

@FindingMeno

I don't think that would even be rude in an Enid Blyton book.

🤣

Seriously, it’s a way of expressing frustration without swearing. What is he supposed to say? Kids get frustrated as well as adults and there must be some acceptable words to say. Definitely not bad language!