Punished at school for saying ‘flipping heck’

[porkincider]

At pick up yesterday the teacher asked me to wait behind for a minute as my 8yo Ds had been put on red (they have a traffic light system- start on green, if really good go to silver and then gold, if naughty go to orange and then red. Get on red twice in a term and you have to go to the headmaster’s office). Ds has always been really good, he’s incredibly shy, hates drawing attention to himself and normally just bobs along on green every week.

He looked mortified when he came out and the teacher told me he’d had to go straight onto red for bad language during PE. Ds tried to say “I only said” but teacher interrupted and said “please don’t say it again, you’ll only get yourself into more trouble”. Anyway, he apologised, we walked home and that was that.

I asked him what he’d said and why when we got home and he told me he missed a goal in PE and said “oh, flipping heck”. I asked him if he was sure that was what he’d said, that he hadn’t said the F word but he was adamant he hadn’t and was in tears of frustration at this point as he kept trying to tell the teacher what he’d said but she just kept telling her not to repeat it.

I messaged the teacher on the school app and said “Ds is very sorry for upsetting you today. He’s adamant that he only said ‘flipping heck’ though and wanted me just tell you that he would never say anything ruder than that either at school or at home”. Teacher immediately messaged back to say that she was aware that was what he’d said, it was more the tone that he’d said it in that she was disappointed about (which wasn’t what she’d told me at pick up) and that I needed to ensure that he was aware that language of that type is not acceptable at school.

Is ‘flipping heck’ rude? I say it all the time and I’m certain that is where he’s picked it up from but I’ve never told him not to say it. I thought it was just a nonsense exclamation.

Coupled with a sigh and an eye roll it probably was offensive. Maybe this is what happened. Or something similar. More to this than meets the eye I suspect. The teacher said it was more the way he said it. Take it on the chin and roll with it. As a teacher, I know that teachers don’t have the time and inclination to punish children for nothing. There’s usually a reason.

@strangeshapedpotato

What I find hardest of all to believe about this is the OP wants to tell everyone!

Frankly if my kid was swearing - not in private among other kids, but openly in front of a teacher, I'd be embarassed... but then again, I wouldn't have trained an 8 year old to swear in the first place.

But.....it's not swearing 🤷🏻‍♀️🙄 kinda the point of the whole thread!

Yes, surely the whole point of using a substitution is so that you don't swear.

If the substitution is going to be punished in the same way as using the swear words, then you might was well use the swear words…

• I would E-mail the head and CC in the chair of Governors, asking that said teacher not psychologically abuse your child by repressing his right to explain himself when he expresses his emotional frustration. Advise them that if it happens again, you will directly report the teacher to Ofcom for abuse of powers.

This is highly inappropriate and bullying behaviour to intimidate and rwpeess your son from talking.*

Flipping heck! Get a grip woman!

Psychological abuse.

@ObviousNameChage

* I would E-mail the head and CC in the chair of Governors, asking that said teacher not psychologically abuse your child by repressing his right to explain himself when he expresses his emotional frustration. Advise them that if it happens again, you will directly report the teacher to Ofcom for abuse of powers.

This is highly inappropriate and bullying behaviour to intimidate and rwpeess your son from talking.*

Flipping heck! Get a grip woman!

Psychological abuse.

I don't know which is funnier - the hyperbole or the idea of reporting a teacher to Ofcom.

@RedactedTaeFeck

So do we expect everyone to be emotionless nowadays? What is the appropriate reaction from a young child in this situation? "oh dear, how very disappointing"?

Yes, apparently we all have to behave like robots, never displaying any emotions unless they are approved by those in charge.

DS(8) Said to his scooter as he loaded it into the boot of the car...
Get your butt into there, scooter! I hope he doesnt say this in school! Its all the you tube videos of roblox he watches.

Flipping heck is mild.

It’s said here a bit like you’d say, ‘Oh bother’! 😂

As a teacher and a person who values the mental health and self-esteem of children. I think the teacher has dealt with this very poorly! Very poorly indeed. The phrase itself is not swearing. I have used it numerous times in front of pupils. For example, if I forgot to bring something in to class one day, or if I dropped something I wished I hadn’t. It’s not poor language in my opinion.

However, the teacher has NOT listened to the child, not give him a fair chance to explain himself.
The teacher has publicly shamed him by pulling him up in front of his peers, adding him to the ‘red’ list on the wall, and then continuing to shame him in front of his mum.
The teacher could have dealt with this verrrrry differently. If she was hugely against this phrase in school, she could have pulled the boy over, quietly said to him ‘Name, that phrase is not one, we like to use in class. Please don’t use it again. Ok?’ Thus supporting the child in understand her expectations and possibly giving him the chance to ask any appropriate questions then. At home time she could have said to mum ‘Hi Mum, today Name used the phrase ‘Flipping ‘eck’ in class, and we would appreciate it if he didn’t use that phrase.’ This would have allowed mum the opportunity to learn the class expectations too.

Personally I would have another conversation with the teacher and then escalate to the head of year, if there is no understanding between teacher and mum.
This boy is confused, embarrassed and feels hard done by, by his teacher. That is not a good mental state for him.

I hope that you find some kind of catharsis with this.

Sounds a bit OTT, but then so is telling everybody on here. Listening to parents slagging off teachers for real and perceived injustices was an eye opener for my mum when she picked my children up for me.
Tell your son you believe he only said flipping heck and let it go.

Goodness me. This is everyday common talk in much of Yorkshire on a daily basis. Certainly not considered rude or offensive. That teacher needs to get a grip

Personally don't think flipping heck is rude unless was at someone and it was rude in that context. But for missing a goal yanbu.

Don't like damn though, a couple of people have said to me they dont think it's rude but I consider it a mild swear word

God I'm so confused. I don't get the "it's a stand in "for fucks sake"" anything said at that point would be, it's an expression of frustration, but it's not "for fucks sake". I wouldn't think twice. But tbh, I'm not bothered by swearing at all.

I don't think its swearing but then again I heard a 10 Yr old at the school j work out shout Fuck off you Motherfucker so maybe that's why

Who the ‘heck’ would teach their child to swear..? 🤯

😂

Bonkers

When will parents realise that a teacher cannot deal with a child in the same way as a parent would at home. There are approximately 20 children in the class. The teacher can't say, gently, 'we don't say that in school ' without other children hearing and picking up on the fact that cheeky language will only merit the mildest of scoldings.
Another child, or even a whole group of children would then imitate, saying words that are not quite swearing, to get a reaction.
Teachers have to be clearly seen to be in charge, and sometimes this means treating an individual child more harshly than a parent would.
To parents who think the teacher overreacted, I would only say, 'go into a classroom yourself and try it.' There would be a riot in less than ten minutes.
(Ex teacher here).

Zanzibar55:
‘Ex teacher’ for a reason in my opinion.......

Sugar is used as a substitute for shit.
I wonder if the teacher would have moved the child to red list for using that.

Complete over the top madness.

zanzibar I disagree. I do agree that we can’t always treat the children exactly as parents would, but you can absolutely say gently “We don’t say words like that in school.”
I have done, and it has never lead to an outbreak of nearly-swearing, or even actual swearing. In fact, I find that the children show you more respect - it means that when you do have to go nuclear, they know you mean it. If you go nuclear over something that they don’t understand and don’t think is a big deal, where do you go when it really really does matter?

@Zanzibar55- with respect, I disagree; good teachers do not need to make an example of a child to get a point across.

Zanzibar55: Ex teacher’ for a reason in my opinion.
How rude! Actually I am a retired teacher. I taught very successfully for over thirty years, and many of my former pupils are now 'friends' on Facebook. They send me photos of their children and I correspond regularly with several of them.
Oh, and I have brought up two children, both of whom are well adjusted, successful adults in their own right.

To those of you who disagree with me, that's fine, you are entitled to your own opinions, and thank you for disagreeing politely. I appreciate good manners.

@Zanzibar55
I also disagree. It appears the boy was playing in PE. Children are scattered about. Plenty of space and opportunity for the child to be asked to come over out of earshot and spoken to.
And in regards to the class then going into a kind of chaos and all following an example of ‘cheeky’ language. I don’t think that would happen. Yes teachers need to be seen to be ‘In charge’ but there are many ways to lead that don’t involve ignorance and public chastising. I work in a behavioural school and we never shame in front of others.

I don't think it's rude in any way at all and I think the situation is ridiculous. I'm very surprised that some people here are saying they wouldn't want their child saying it. Flipping heck, get a grip! I'd be inclined to bring this up again with the school and explain that you and your family do not consider it offensive and will not be reprimanding DS at home or discouraging him from saying it. What nonsense. Your poor boy x