Punished at school for saying ‘flipping heck’

[porkincider]

At pick up yesterday the teacher asked me to wait behind for a minute as my 8yo Ds had been put on red (they have a traffic light system- start on green, if really good go to silver and then gold, if naughty go to orange and then red. Get on red twice in a term and you have to go to the headmaster’s office). Ds has always been really good, he’s incredibly shy, hates drawing attention to himself and normally just bobs along on green every week.

He looked mortified when he came out and the teacher told me he’d had to go straight onto red for bad language during PE. Ds tried to say “I only said” but teacher interrupted and said “please don’t say it again, you’ll only get yourself into more trouble”. Anyway, he apologised, we walked home and that was that.

I asked him what he’d said and why when we got home and he told me he missed a goal in PE and said “oh, flipping heck”. I asked him if he was sure that was what he’d said, that he hadn’t said the F word but he was adamant he hadn’t and was in tears of frustration at this point as he kept trying to tell the teacher what he’d said but she just kept telling her not to repeat it.

I messaged the teacher on the school app and said “Ds is very sorry for upsetting you today. He’s adamant that he only said ‘flipping heck’ though and wanted me just tell you that he would never say anything ruder than that either at school or at home”. Teacher immediately messaged back to say that she was aware that was what he’d said, it was more the tone that he’d said it in that she was disappointed about (which wasn’t what she’d told me at pick up) and that I needed to ensure that he was aware that language of that type is not acceptable at school.

Is ‘flipping heck’ rude? I say it all the time and I’m certain that is where he’s picked it up from but I’ve never told him not to say it. I thought it was just a nonsense exclamation.

I am honestly dumbfounded at some of the replies! How is flippin heck anything like swearing? I wonder if it is a regional thing as I’m sure no one would bat an eyelid where I live?? Mine also went to an infant CofE so I was very clear to not say ‘Oh God’, ‘Jesus’ etc but I wouldn’t have thought to tell them not to say flippin heck.

Suggest you ask Miss Prim what she says when she stubs her toe on the coffee table.

This is definitely not rude (and this is coming from someone who doesn't let their teenagers swear at home)!

I mean, it's not ideal but the reaction is way out of proportion. I think a quiet word about it not being a phrase to use in school would have been the most she should have done

Sounds like he argued with the teacher quite a bit, which probably wound up the situation more than it needed to be:

he kept trying to tell the teacher what he’d said but she just kept telling her not to repeat it.

• Once should have been enough - she asked him not to repeat it so that should have been the end of it.

The traffic light system is disgusting and no decent school uses humiliation as discipline.

And I do giggle at the parents on here who say they would NEVER say 'flipping heck' in front of their child and would be 'disappointed' to hear it, because I know what's waiting for them up ahead in senior school, sooner than they think...

This reminds me is the constant argument with my mum about bloody hell 🤣

That is frankly ridiculous!

Perhaps you could send the teacher links to some of the many studies that link (appropriate) swearing when frustrated or angry with better emotional health, and with wider vocabularies…

IME, having a vocabulary of inventive but nonsense phrases to be used in just such circumstances is a good alternative. Or learning a few apt phrases in other languages

This is really over-reacting! Considering some of the language you hear every day, ‘flipping heck’ is not even swearing.

To be honest, I’m not sure what they say as an expression of frustration. They probably wouldn’t say anything to missing a goal, but then they’re not the most sporty and are used to missing goals all the time .
I grew up in a part of the country where flippin’ ‘eck was used and I remember being told by a teacher that it wasn’t polite. I now live in a part of the country where the expression isn’t really used, so therefore it’s never really been an issue.
It really wouldn’t bother me hearing it, however as I’m aware that some people don’t like it I just wouldn’t use it.

I do say ‘bother’ a lot, and it makes me laugh when I see people say it’s a ‘Famous Five’ expression. However, I’ve also stumped my toe and nearly crashed the car in front of my kids, and I’ve shouted ‘shit!’ - which they’ve thought is hysterical..
The teacher is definitely being over the top, however I’m not sure what you can do about it, as it’s about her perception. Explaining to your child in the way you have about different people finding different things rude is probably all you can do….
Or you can send a thank you card on the last day of term saying DS had a flippin amazing year!

Of course it's not a swear word!

They shouldn't swear in school, but this child did not swear.
But should they be allowed to curse when frustrated? Well, the reason we use an exclamation like "flipping heck" is to release tension or frustration, or express surprise or shock. It serves a purpose in helping us express and regulate our emotions. It is part of most peoples emotional tool box for good reason. Saying "oh my gosh" or "oh bother" or "what the heck" are not swearing, they are expressing a feeling through words. Are we really telling kids that's not ok in school?
Instead of disciplining this child it could have been used as a teaching opportunity. The teacher could have said "flipping heck does sound a lot like swearing and could seem a but aggressive, what words could you use instead?"

I don't think flipping heck is swearing or bad at all.

@porkincider

lincolnshireyellowbelly what do you encourage your children to say as an exclamation of frustration? Genuinely everything I can think of other than “oh no” is a minced oath.

What about “Oh, rats!”?

Aside from the language issue, this whole traffic light system with a public shaming wall sounds barbaric. Glad this didn't happen to my kids when they were at school.

This stuff does my head in. The day before the last day of term my then 10 year old DS (who like yours was never in trouble and never dropped from green) got dropped off the cloud for reading a book after he'd finished his maths sheet. He moved up a class for maths and they had a substitute in. He was always allowed by the normal teacher to get his book out when he was finished as it saved disturbing the rest of the class. Substitute decided that it was rude.

Anyway, he went back to his own class in tears and his own teacher was gutted. The point was that as the next day was the last day, he'd have no opportunity to "earn" his way back and therefore couldn't participate in the last day movie treat. So he ended up sitting in the library instead, ironically, reading a book....

I complained and got an apology but he never did and as the slate was wiped clean at the end of term, he was back where he started anyway.

There is so much of this shite that goes on that it detracts from the good work that teachers do.

redactedtaefeck it is so frustrating for the kids to have the traffic light system. In ds’s class it’s always the really bright kids who get put on gold for answering questions in class or the really naughty kids who get out on gold for not being as naughty as they usually are (one child was put on gold for picking a chair up in class but then deciding not to hit another child around the head with it like he normally did 🙄). Meanwhile kids like mine who just plod along doing their work at an average level and keeping their head down get completely overlooked until they say ‘flippin’ ‘eck’ in PE. I just feel a bit sad for Ds and annoyed with myself that I’d taught him that it was an acceptable thing to say.

Language is a minefield isn’t it? I have two boys and I hear them say (and I say!) flipping heck, what the heck, what the hell, oh my god etc regularly. It isn’t really swearing BUT it is a stand in phrase for swearing without actually using the words. If your son missed the goal and said “oh fricking heck” in a sweary tone way, is that really acceptable? And I mean that as a question au don’t really know the answer to myself!

The problem in school is that you have up to 30 kids in a class, is it ok for them to use these language regularly. Is it ok to say it at home in a more
one on one situation?

Parenting is a minefield.

I think a quick reprimand would have been sufficient.

Yes OP, there comes a time when you need to have a conversation with your DC that whilst they should always try their best and behave in school, teachers don't always get things right and sometimes it's not fair. Just sucking that up is sometimes the right strategy but they can always write a note to express how they feel and think about whether it would be worth giving it to the teacher.

Mine are adults now and we can laugh about these things, like the time the teacher told my DS it wasn't his birthday during the holidays so he didn't get a pencil from the headmistress, or the times he missed an extra playtime every week to man the toilet door for the infants as the boy who's turn it was couldn't be trusted...

As I say, there are many great teachers but they are human and make mistakes, it's just sad the impact that these things have.

Ridiculous to say it's swearing; we all have words to use in exasperation to avoid using swear words, and that's what flipping heck is! I used to use 'sausages' instead of saying shit when the kids were little, are you going to say that is now a swear word? 😂

When DS1 was little his speech was a bit delayed and sometimes incomprehensible. A few times when he was in the back of the car, he shouted out "arser, arser". I got really worried that I had said asshole out loud in response to being cut up or something whilst driving. Turns out that he was just trying to say "faster, faster" and liked it when the car went fast! 🤣🤣

I'm embarrassed for the teacher from Manchester . Definitely not offensive here.
What a mard !

bettytaghetti my 5yo still says F for Th sounds. He has a Thor costume which he calls his Thor skin as his brother plays Minecraft and the different outfits are called skins. He is often in the park by school shouting “I have the power of my For Skin” 🤦‍♀️😂

I think that having the kids' photos on a 'wall of shame' is disgusting. How degrading. That is far worse than any kid saying 'blummin Nora' etc.

@porkincider,all these silly systems are just basic behaviour modification techniques tarted up a bit.
They are an attempt to keep kids with challenging behaviour engaged ( ie not throwing a chair)
If class sizes were smaller and/or more staff emplyed they would not be needed.

@porkincider

bettytaghetti my 5yo still says F for Th sounds. He has a Thor costume which he calls his Thor skin as his brother plays Minecraft and the different outfits are called skins. He is often in the park by school shouting “I have the power of my For Skin” 🤦‍♀️😂

🤣🤣

As it's a C of E school perhaps he could quote the bible?
'Jesus wept' is a good one.
Or perhaps the staff could remind themselves about suffering little children and turning the other cheek?

If taking the Lord's name in vain is bad, does that mean that saying 'Satan' in moments of frustration is acceptable?

This is so ridiculous.
I'd be asking the school what it is acceptable to say in moments of frustration? And do they really think it's a good idea for young boys (who will grow up to be young men, who have the highest suicide rates) to bottle up their emotions for fear of punishment if they express themselves?

I would have been angry at my child being punished for that and would be very tempted (fuck it, I would have. I'm sick of the shit from my kid's teacher) to send a message back saying that you will now advise DS to say, "Fucking Hell" instead, so that he at least would be getting punished for a good enough reason.