How many weekends in advance are people booked up ?

[vaccinelover]

I think my social life just totally sucks clearly. Everyone I know is literally booked up for at least a month every weekend ( if not longer ). Is that how everyone's life is ? Or just the people I know ?

Lighthearted post.

I actually would find it quite rude if I suggested getting together with a friend and they couldn’t tell me a single date that we could book. It strikes me that they’re not that arsed about seeing me and waiting for something better to come along, or don’t respect my time and expect me to drop everything to see them on a whim when actually I have plenty of things planned with people who are keen enough to do things together that they’ll commit.

Ultimately it’s just different personality types, the planners can’t be bothered with waiting around to see if the spontaneous ones deign to see them and the spontaneous ones never get to see the planners because they’re already busy with other planner friends :)

I'm always amazed at how many hundreds of friends that mumsnetters have, and how large their families are. Most of our long standing friends are not local. Our families live hundreds of miles away and DD is a student.

Add to that, DH is very much an introvert and deeply unsociable. He hates crowds and doesn't really like going anywhere unless he knows it won't be busy. I am envious of those of you with a busier social life TBH.

If someone told me that they were busy every weekend until November I would assume that they didn't really want to see me.

In your case though @LadyMargaretBeauforte regarding the coffee meet-up, she clearly didn’t want to see you but instead of telling you that she came up with flimsy excuses like the lack of a fiver. If it wasn’t ‘I’m tired from socialising’ it’d have been something else, because she didn’t want or feel able to say look, I just don’t want to meet up with you. As you’ve said, people make time. If I want to see someone and they want to see me it happens. If either person isn’t into it, it won’t.

@PassionfruitOrangeGuava

I actually would find it quite rude if I suggested getting together with a friend and they couldn’t tell me a single date that we could book. It strikes me that they’re not that arsed about seeing me and waiting for something better to come along, or don’t respect my time and expect me to drop everything to see them on a whim when actually I have plenty of things planned with people who are keen enough to do things together that they’ll commit.

Ultimately it’s just different personality types, the planners can’t be bothered with waiting around to see if the spontaneous ones deign to see them and the spontaneous ones never get to see the planners because they’re already busy with other planner friends :)

Somewhere in the middle is probably ideal. Plan for big events and weekends away. Other than that, leave it open.

I have three weddings and two trips abroad this summer. These will not move. But if my friends who I need to book two months in advance, want to go to the park on a Saturday in late august- and it happens to be the weekend that my parents decide on a whim they want to come and see me from abroad, I know what I'll choose. I wouldn't tell my parents not to come because I'm going to the park with friends who I needed to book two months in advance.. To go to the park may I add. Not even a birthday or anything.

That's why I don't like booking stuff like going to the park, two months in advance.

Also interesting to understand what people define as a ‘plan’. For example I would say this weekend I don’t have much on. I am going to see my mum this afternoon and my dad tomorrow.

To me that’s just normal family stuff. When I say I have plans it means actually going somewhere like pub, cinema, restaurant, weekend away

Just popping in on someone or meeting them for a walk isn’t a planned activity for me it’s just life. If it got cancelled or change neither side would be upset.

[quote vaccinelover]**@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba* @ADialgaAteMyDog*

We should be friends ! I could probably call you now and we could meet up for dinner later if you both fancy it.

I can guarantee if I ask anyone I know if they're free for dinner later, it's gona be a NO.[/quote]
@vaccinlover

we are watching all the games but do come over, we have extra pizzas!

I have nothing booked in aside from this weekend, and I only made my plans (for this evening) last night. I do have plans to go and visit a friend for a weekend in August but we haven’t specified which weekend yet, we’ll do so nearer the time. I don’t usually make social plans more than a week in advance (and often only a day or two in advance or even on same day) and that’s how my friends work too, the only difference would be plans for a specific date (Eg: a birthday) or an organised event (Eg: hen do, wedding) but generally our plans are pretty ad-hoc. Personally I would find it suffocating to have to book things out weeks or even months in advance.

I have plans for one weekend and that's cause it's DS birthday. That's it. I have sod all to do 😂

That is crazy !! You're busy every Saturday and Sunday until NOVEMBER ??

So if I was your friend and asked if you wanted to hang out next Saturday, you'd say no. And if I then asked you when are you next free, you would say ' Not until November?’

Ummmm, no. But I have children so either DH or I have plans and the other looks after the kid so I’d say you could come over on one of those days. Otherwise, we have 5 weddings (2 of them overseas), 2 weekends away, a load of birthdays / engagements / christenings to get through. Everyone postponed their events from last year to this which is why we are so busy.

I’d have nights free during the week. I’d never be so rude as to say “no I can’t see you until November”

So hang on, I really find this hard to understand - to the people saying they are booked up until November or however long - do you mean you are meeting people for dinner Friday eve, then out for drinks with a different group of people, then Saturday morning taking kids to football, then meeting a different group for lunch, then going on a planned 4 months in advance walk with someone else, then at a birthday party, then another planned dinner meeting with drinks after, Sunday morning meeting someone else for breakfast, taking the kids 4 months planned in advance swimming, going for a 4 months planned in advance bbq, then a 4 months planned in advance coffee meeting, then take kids for 4 months planned in advance park play date with friends, then home and having people round for 4 months planned in advance drinks in the evening? And are they all things that invitations can’t be extended to other people?

This is a genuine question I can’t imagine how it works. I am very much a spontaneous planner and I am also introverted so don’t like too much of weekend taken up meeting other people but if I have a BBQ planned for Sunday and a friend asks if I’m free I’ll say yes I’ll meet you for a coffee before this BBQ, or yes was planning on meeting so and so do you want to come along? Want to take the kids swimming etc.

I can’t wrap my head round how you can every minute of your weekend planned without any wiggle room to meet a friend for a walk or for brunch or whatever. And do you all have very separate groups that you socialise with?

The problem atm with covid is you cant just go out to dinner when you feel like it has to be booked or at least organised with the venue

I have something on lots of weekends, and for that reason I'm protective of the hours that aren't booked up.

I think a lot of people have realised similar and are cutting down on their "on" time.

Much as it's nice to be spontaneous, you need to leave gaps to be spontaneous in (then spontaneously decide to chill out instead...)

DH and I sat down to try and schedule in a weekend to do a big job in the garden and realised we'd somehow got ourselves booked up every Saturday and Sunday between now and the first weekend of September. We are not usually in any way normally social butterflies, but I think post-lockdown people have made an effort to book up and see friends and family they've not seen for a year or more.

That said, the thought of it depresses me a bit seeing it all in the calendar but when you look at it week by week there's no family member or friend I have the heart to cancel.

Of course we could end up with more restrictions so things will get quieter anyway...

@whynotwhatknot

The problem atm with covid is you cant just go out to dinner when you feel like it has to be booked or at least organised with the venue

I have been out for plenty of meals since things have been lifted, few have been booked

Plenty of places allow walk ins and those who don’t are probably smaller independent restaurants where you had to book even before Covid

@whynotwhatknot

The problem atm with covid is you cant just go out to dinner when you feel like it has to be booked or at least organised with the venue

that's why most of our stuff is either at home or someone else's home or already booked by schools.

I can't bear the idea of having to book to go swimming for example, which is a "feel like" thing for me!

@Flippanty, no I’d class that as 18 different events in one day.

If we had a bbq on the Saturday, for example, I’d say that’s my whole Saturday booked up. Because once baby DD has had a morning nap, we’ve taken the dog for a walk and DH and I have both exercised then I wouldn’t have time for a coffee in the morning too. But also, I live in Home Counties and all my friends live other Home Counties / London so nearest friend is about 20 mins drive away. So we tend to make bigger plans of a stay overnight with each other / long lunch plus walk etc etc

I imagine spontaneous plans are much easier when you all live in the same town

I'm not even booked to do stuff this weekend let alone any future weekends

As few as possible.

We have 4DC and the weeks are so busy that we need the weekends to recover.

I spend my life surrounded by other people telling me how incredibly busy they are. In most cases, it's a choice and I can never understand why people take on so much.

Flippanty I have a friend who is like this. Her life looks exhausting from the outside but she clearly loves it.
We had an Extremely Busy weekend last weekend which was lovely but we ran out of food and I had to wash the school uniform at 11pm on Sunday. Thank god for tumble driers! I think you have to also be highly organised and hate sitting down.

But op you say you wouldn't consider them your friends - why haven't you initiated planning just a couple of things if you know they're busy?

I have a few friends that don't like booking ahead. Fine, no worries.

But I'm not going to keep random days here and there free on the off chance they'll also be free, if I'm invited to other things.

One of my best friends is always super busy with friends and her big family, so I also say to her let's get a pub dinner in the diary for a fortnights time so I know I'll get to see her.

Adult lives are busy and complicated. I don't think it's fair to say you wouldn't consider them to be friends just because they have a lot going on and don't work to the same way of thinking as you do.

I try to keep one weekend in four empty/flexible.

I have a rugby tots franchise so thats every Saturday and Sunday morning booked unless its a weekend another coach can cover for me. I have my own rugby training on Saturdays as well.

A lot of our weekends are booked at the minute as we can now go and visit people, at the minute we’re generally seeing grandma every other weekend, she lives quite far away so when we visit her the rest of the day is gone as we can’t leave until after rugby.

Thing is, the people who prefer a spontaneous way would equally make the effort to plan something in with friends with full diaries if they wanted to see them. If I ask someone to coffee a month from now and get a ‘ah I dunno what I’m doing let’s see nearer the time’ in response I’m not going to keep that date open for them in case they decide to see me, it’s still free and something else will get booked in.

Yes this it what I meant.

@BlueBoob

But op you say you wouldn't consider them your friends - why haven't you initiated planning just a couple of things if you know they're busy?

I have a few friends that don't like booking ahead. Fine, no worries.

But I'm not going to keep random days here and there free on the off chance they'll also be free, if I'm invited to other things.

One of my best friends is always super busy with friends and her big family, so I also say to her let's get a pub dinner in the diary for a fortnights time so I know I'll get to see her.

Adult lives are busy and complicated. I don't think it's fair to say you wouldn't consider them to be friends just because they have a lot going on and don't work to the same way of thinking as you do.

But if they said today - that the first time they're free to see me is NOVEMBER ??? That's the point at which I would consider them NOT to be my friends.

Unusually I have my sister visiting end of next week, that’s rare! But otherwise no plans from now until the end of time!

I have no kids, partner and only a small handful of friends that aren’t mega close. Trying to organise a pub drink is difficult and rarely happens!

Today I’m currently still sat in my pj’s deciding what shop to drive to for dads day present, that’ll be the highlight of my weekend! I’d love to have a full calendar of fun social events with friends though.

We have lots of plans now for the rest of the year! We were overly busy at the weekend pre covid (and I have loved having a relaxed year) but now everyone we haven't seen for that period has rearranged everything...