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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bitter about missing school occasions

273 replies

Rhinothunder · 18/06/2021 21:31

Just really beginning to hate this government. Parents have been banned from sports days at all our local schools as they say its too much risk and they can't police lots of bubbles as required by govt guidelines.

We've also been banned from assemblies and shows even if can hold them outside. I haven't seen a single thing yet in my 6 year olds school career. We saw so much for the older ones and was a real high for us and the kids.

Meanwhile on the news we are watching g7 encourages, football officalls and z list celebrities swan round the world and mass together.

It's so galling and I'm getting really angry about it.

Struggling to accept it and thinking of how I can take action.

OP posts:
MargosKaftan · 19/06/2021 10:26

The big transition day in our county happens on the same day - this year it was scheduled for 8th July and all state secondary schools had planned a transition day on that day. (And primary schools often put things on for younger children that day as the year 6 staff have no kids in so have the capacity to help out.)

The year 6s all spend the day at their new school. But they count as parts of different school bubbles until the end of term, so can't mingle, even outside as it will be over 30 for most classes.

Some secondary schools who take the majority of pupils from a small number of primary schools might be able to make it work, bringing all from one bubble together on one day, another school bubble another day etc. Our county has the 11+ meaning very few schools "feed" the majority of their children to only 1 or 2 secondary schools.

And it wouldn't annoy me if it felt like everyone was making sacrifices to the same level. But we are denying children their life events while making sure adults can have fun.

Dandelionstem · 19/06/2021 10:28

@Haudyourwheesht

Because it’s nice! Some people like to feel part of a community and not isolated. It’s nice to vaguely know someone before your child goes to their house to play etc. It’s good to forge relationships so you can help each other out- pick up kids in an emergency etc.

Clearly it’s not life or death but the point of this thread is that neither is football or ascot or any social contact in general. Why is this different?

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 19/06/2021 10:30

Things like transition days don't make a huge amount of difference in the long term but I do think they're significant and can relieve some anxiety over the summer about starting secondary. It's a shame some have been cancelled. (Some schools have managed to get around it by arranging a day's 'holiday camp' for free for the starting year 7s in the summer holidays. It's essentially a transition day but under the umbrella of childcare so different rules apply).

Personally I do like to some school events (I don't need to turn up to coffee mornings every week etc but sports day, school plays etc) but I can live with me missing out. The main thing for the kids is being with their friends in school which they're getting and we should be happy about but I do feel sorry for those who have or are going to miss out on fun stuff like leavers trips etc which only happen once.

lavenderandwisteria · 19/06/2021 10:31

Well, if you know different schools do things differently, why pretend to be bemused lemon?

ChloeDecker · 19/06/2021 10:33

But we are denying children their life events while making sure adults can have fun.

A very good point.

lemonsyellow · 19/06/2021 10:37

The OP is about parents missing out on school events, not the children, though. I was just pointing out that for the events she listed, parents would have never been invited to most of them where I am.

lemonsyellow · 19/06/2021 10:45

@lavenderandwisteria

Well, if you know different schools do things differently, why pretend to be bemused lemon?
I’m not bemused or even pretending to be. I’m just saying that what some people think of as normal and to be expected actually isn’t in other parts of the country. They are taking things for granted and assuming it’s the same elsewhere.
Passthesauce · 19/06/2021 10:46

@Haudyourwheesht As I said in my post,
I don't need to get to know the other parents, my youngest is my fourth child to go and I know the school well.

I do, however, have some empathy for those who might wish to. I know how much I benefited from the experience of others who knew more about the school. I wouldn't feel comfortable letting my DC go to someone else's house if I didn't know their parent. One of the mums has just had a baby - it would be nice to offer help with lifts but her DC doesn't know me as he hasn't seen me around the school.

Small things like that that make life easier for parents and children and engender a feeling of community.

Rainbowsew · 19/06/2021 11:05

Yanbu op. I'm surprised more people aren't feeling like you.

The "rules" are illogical. I can work in a hospital but not visit someone in it. Parents can meet for drinks in the pub but not go to a school fair/sports day outdoors.

And yet other events go ahead like G7 and the football/Olympics.

TempsPerdu · 19/06/2021 11:17

But why do you need to meet other parents? The kids go to school, not the parents

Sometimes I read comments like this and wonder if I’m inhabiting a completely different planet from other people.

Schools are supposed to be part of a community, not a mysterious place that your child disappears into for six hours a day and then magically appears back in your house around 4pm. Parents are meant to be involved in their child’s education, which means being involved, at least to some extent, in the life of the school. Many schools rely heavily on parent-run fundraisers to top up the paltry funding that they receive from the government. I totally get that many parents work FT and can’t attend all the school events they’d like to (I may well be one of them as I’m looking at retraining) but to suggest that they’re pointless and fulfil no wider purpose undermines how important schools are in building community ties.

DD is only 3 and hasn’t started school yet, but she’s been at nursery for 18 months now and I’ve only set foot inside the building once for a pre-Covid tour. DP has never seen inside. There have been none of the usual nursery fundraising events since 2019, so the nursery is currently running on reduced funds. Even though we’re now technically allowed, there are few play dates happening between the kids as none of the parents have had a chance to get to know each other (masked and staggered drop off and pick up prevents any of the usual chit chat). No trust between parents means fewer friendship opportunities for their kids.

We’ll be applying for a Reception place in January, and at this point I doubt we’ll be able to visit any schools beforehand (I’m a former local primary school teacher, so in a more fortunate position than most, but many friends have moved into the area recently are are going entirely on out of date Ofsted reports and past SATs results). If these restrictions continue into 2022 - no transition, no home visits, no parents allowed inside school buildings, Zoom parents’ evenings, no fundraisers, no class assemblies and drama productions, no trips and residentials, no outside guests like author visits etc - it won’t be just that kids are missing on the extra-curricular stuff; it will start to dramatically affect community cohesion, impoverish friendships between children whose parents essentially remain strangers and impact schools financially, as they’ll be unable to rely on in-person events for additional funds.

We really need to start looking at the bigger picture of how all these restrictions are affecting the well-being of children, families and communities, and what the future implications for our kids might be.

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 19/06/2021 11:21

But why do you need to meet other parents? The kids go to school, not the parents

Look I hate the school social scene a much as anyone but it's hardly surprising that parents would like to meet other parents. In the same way when you go to work it's nice to meet your colleagues. Not everyone has a social network and even those who do want to have a support network attached to their child so they can ask for advice specific to school age kids and the local area. It's also basically essential to know other mums so you can arrange social stuff for kids in the early years. It's not the end of the world but it's a bit ridiculous to pretend that just because it doesn't interest you other people aren't entitled to feel like they've missed out.

MarshaBradyo · 19/06/2021 11:23

@lemonsyellow

The OP is about parents missing out on school events, not the children, though. I was just pointing out that for the events she listed, parents would have never been invited to most of them where I am.
And that’s not the norm.

Plus it’s not just about chatting to other parents it’s more about seeing my dc enjoy it, do performances etc

And even then some are cancelled out right

And then isolation issue

MarshaBradyo · 19/06/2021 11:32

I find it difficult to read this without feeling angry at these idiots

But here’s DfE take

www.tes.com/news/covid-schools-told-plan-more-remote-learning

Why they don’t prioritise being in school I don’t know, I can’t see if testing will replace isolation just skimmed it to keep annoyance at lowest

MarshaBradyo · 19/06/2021 11:33

Temps yes entirely agree. Children should now be a priority.

MaybeCrazy2 · 19/06/2021 11:55

I can’t wear a mask due to medical conditions so I wasn’t allowed in the school office to collect my sick child. I thinks it’s reasonable as with a school it’s about everyone. I was happy to wait outside

hels71 · 19/06/2021 12:04

Our school are still having sports day with parents. The year 6 have been to PGL and parents are invited to their leavers assembly...

Haudyourwheesht · 19/06/2021 12:18

The "rules" are illogical. I can work in a hospital but not visit someone in hospital

Jesus Christ. Can you not understand that people working in hospital are essential, hundreds of visitors are not?

False equivalencies. They've been driving me up the wall for 15 months now. Those who make the rules (many, many of which I don't agree with) have to balance risks and rewards. So it's risky working in a covid ward, but they NEED people to work in them, so it's deemed worth the risk. Kids sitting exams may have some risk attached but it's deemed worth it as exams are a pretty essential way to demonstrate attainment. Unfortunately, parents watching a kids' sports day is not deemed essential enough to be worth the perceived risk.

Disclaimer: if I had kids old enough to be in school and worked in a job that would let me have time off during the school day, I'm sure I'd like to go to sports day. I'm just explaining that all things are not always equal. Again.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/06/2021 12:35

Many things I’m pissed off about with the govt but missing yr 2’s sports day isn’t one! In a way I think it’s easier for the kids without parents there. And I feel for the ones whose parents can never make it- often the key workers who have kept us going and alive throughout the pandemic.

I am very pissed off with the govt for not putting India on the red list early on though.

TicTacHoh · 19/06/2021 12:36

My child’s school is doing sports day outside as well as end of year assemblies, not sure why others are unable to.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 19/06/2021 12:36

(I would have taken the time to be there if allowed, but it would have involved asking work permission etc)

frysturkishdelight · 19/06/2021 13:29

@TicTacHoh

My child’s school is doing sports day outside as well as end of year assemblies, not sure why others are unable to.
Surely you can understand that all schools are different. They might not have space, they might have large amount of children and staff isolating, they might be in a surge area.

Don't assume staff are lazy or can't be bothered. I spent 8 hours editing and collating the nativity play this year to make into a video to send to parents. I normally spend 0 hours.

ChloeDecker · 19/06/2021 17:42

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

Many things I’m pissed off about with the govt but missing yr 2’s sports day isn’t one! In a way I think it’s easier for the kids without parents there. And I feel for the ones whose parents can never make it- often the key workers who have kept us going and alive throughout the pandemic.

I am very pissed off with the govt for not putting India on the red list early on though.

Could not agree more. Thank you for writing this. All of it.
Peace43 · 19/06/2021 17:45

I can’t think of anything worse than school sports day! Maybe the Xmas play…. I love my daughter and attend anything I’m allowed to but it’s not because I enjoy it, I do it because she likes to know I’m there!

cansu · 19/06/2021 18:48

I work in a school and a lot of events have been planned in a covid safe way that may now have to be cancelled as restrictions seem to be being brought back in. I actually think it should be less about parents watching events and more about events that involve larger groups of children should be able to go ahead. E.g. transition days, leavers events and sports days should and could go ahead without parents being present. We should be allowing our kids to experience these events and milestones in a different way. Sports day can still be great fun with the other children as spectators.

Comedycook · 19/06/2021 18:56

Seven years of primary school

Now two years worth of summer fetes, assemblies, sports day, trips missed.

That's nearly a third of their time at primary school. You can never get these years back. I actually think it's heartbreaking.