MIL and Father’s Day

[EllaBlaire]

DH and I have a 2 month old DD, so this will be DH’s first Father’s Day.

MIL has sent a personalised gift for DH “from” DD. This has annoyed me - I wouldn’t mind if it was a small present from MIL herself, but I feel that I’m the only person that should be buying presents “from” DD for Father’s Day. It should be about celebrating between the three of us as a new family.

Either she doesn’t trust me to get something, or she wants to overshadow my gift.

It’s gone over DH’s head and he thinks it’s a nice thought, and I’m not intending to mention my annoyance to him or MIL…. But would you be annoyed in this situation?

I would be annoyed, yes.

But then I also think that your MIL is trying to do a nice thing and is probably just excited and happy about your DD and that it's her son's first Father's Day.

Let the annoyance go. I would get your DD to make something if you haven't already. That way you know you're giving your DH something personal and special.

Yeah I’d be raging.

Massively overstepping. How will he feel if your parents if you have some do the same for you next year?

I was annoyed my MIL sent a card from the babies last year, felt like she didn't trust me to do it. Fine sending a card, happy 2nd father's day from mum but it just felt weird sending a card signed from my children.
(most things she does annoys me though)

I'd be annoyed with a gift. That's your job and only yours!

I mean it wasn't her place to do it but unless there's some history I would just assume she was excited and accidentally over stepped the mark.

I’d be annoyed but if it were my MILit wouldn’t be malicious, she just wouldn’t see that it’s overstepping a bit. She would just be excited for his first Father’s Day. MIL always buys me a Mother’s Day present (although not from the kids).

Excitement is clouding her judgement. She is buying for 'her' boy from 'her' grandchild and has forgotten this is your time to be doing the buying.

Very annoying.

Not a clue what you can do about it!

I'd think it was rather odd but I'd find it funny rather than annoying.

@AnneLovesGilbert

Massively overstepping. How will he feel if your parents if you have some do the same for you next year?

Most blokes don't tend to notice these little social slights or mis-steps. However it is intended by your mil it is a bit of a stepping on your toes. Has she also bought a nursery set for her own home, first Christmas gift, first pair of shoes? Some people don't mind this level of interference and welcome it, but I would expect most to find it overbearing. How you handle it is up to you. Grin and bear it for familial harmony or say something gently to try and calm her jets. Good luck

I can see where you’re coming from to some extent….but would you have felt the same way if your mum sent you a present from your daughter for your first Mother’s Day? Or would you just think it was a sweet gesture from a parent to their child to celebrate the fact that they were also now a parent?

I don’t know your MIL, to be fair - if she has form for overstepping the mark, then it’s understandable that you’re a bit miffed. But I don’t think it’s necessarily awful in and of itself.

On Valentine’s Day send your FIL a card ;)

It's funny isn't it - i read a lot on here about MILs/DMs overstepping boundaries into roles which are really for their DDs and DILs to do.

I cannot imagine for one moment either of my nans (who would both now be 100 if either were still alive) doing this to my mum. Gran's really seemed to be happy to be just Gran's back then.

Send a present from her to her DP on their anniversary. (Voice of someone whose XMIL overstepped all the time)

Great minds Shirley

My parents get me a mother's day card every year from my kids. I don't see an issue tbh.

“but would you have felt the same way if your mum sent you a present from your daughter for your first Mother’s Day?”

I have asked myself the same question! She wouldn’t do this, she wouldn’t want undermine my DH.

“On Valentine’s Day send your FIL a card ;)”

That would certainly cause a stir as he’s been dead for several years..

Truthfully? It wouldn’t bother me. One less job for me to do! But I don’t care about “occasions”. And my in laws are not “boundary over steppers” so it isn’t a sore point.

But I am me and you are you and we all have our things that matter to us.

@Laiste

It's funny isn't it - i read a lot on here about MILs/DMs overstepping boundaries into roles which are really for their DDs and DILs to do.

I cannot imagine for one moment either of my nans (who would both now be 100 if either were still alive) doing this to my mum. Gran's really seemed to be happy to be just Gran's back then.

This sadly isn't true for me. My Nan (dad's mum) was an absolute witch (she's dead now) and did this kind of thing all the time to undermine my mum - she'd find out what my parents were getting us for Christmas/ birthday and would buy bigger / better every single time. I didn't notice when little, but did as a teen and I actively distanced myself from her when I saw for myself what she was doing. Took my dad years to realise what she was up to.

Sorry Op, no advice and not sure how you can make it stop, but I would say to let it go if you can as otherwise it'll ruin things for you and you alone, so don't let her spoil it for you!

I think it’s a bit strange she sent it from your DD! If it was from her then i’d have no problem with it!

My mum always gets me mother's Day stuff. I think it's so sweet and DH gets me a card from toddler DS too. It's a lovely thought. My mum also gets DH a fathers Day card from DS (as do I) mind you, DH's mum died when he was a boy so my mum is very close to him as a mother figure.

Op, I hope your MIL gets you another's day gift next year. Otherwise, to me, it's weird.

Really weird. I could understand her sending something from herself.

If it was a small token gift, I don't think I'd care, but that's assuming I didn't already dislike her for other reasons.

A large, expensive gift, I'd raise my eyebrows. That would be odd, imo, even if she signed the card from herself and left your child out of it entirely.

I think it's a lovely tradition she's started and you should encourage it. So from now on mil will be buying all gifts from dd for both parents on all occasions and you get to save money while receiving gifts.

I don't think I'd be arsed. It's his day, not mine.