MIL and Father’s Day

[EllaBlaire]

DH and I have a 2 month old DD, so this will be DH’s first Father’s Day.

MIL has sent a personalised gift for DH “from” DD. This has annoyed me - I wouldn’t mind if it was a small present from MIL herself, but I feel that I’m the only person that should be buying presents “from” DD for Father’s Day. It should be about celebrating between the three of us as a new family.

Either she doesn’t trust me to get something, or she wants to overshadow my gift.

It’s gone over DH’s head and he thinks it’s a nice thought, and I’m not intending to mention my annoyance to him or MIL…. But would you be annoyed in this situation?

Bizarre

She’s lost her husband and is clearly excited that her son has become a father and that she’s a new granny. Why shouldn’t she be excited?

she should. and she should buy a fathers day card and write in it how proud she is and how proud his dad would have been of him. and how she is excited to see their family grow and see him excel in his new role of a father. LOVE MUM.

she shouldnt send a card addressed from a child that isnt hers and potentially step on the toes of their mother. Because shes also a mother and deserves respect and to thank her co parent for the support he shows her and their children.

I would be annoyed and wouldn’t say anything, however I would buy a nice present and card myself and know that your present is the one that matters.

MIL is a CF.

“Father’s Day really isn’t about you OP!
Can you try to imagine being widowed and alone with an adult son who has left home?”

Actually it is partly about me - it’s my opportunity to show my appreciation to DH as a great father and partner - DD is 2 months old, she doesn’t care!

And as mentioned in my OP, a gift from MIL wouldn’t bother me. What I don’t like is that her gift is “from” DD - that should be for me to organise, not her.

I really don’t understand why grandparents do this sort out stuff. MN is full of these stunts. They have had their go and need to stop bloody interfering.

I would hate this and it is the kind of thing my MIL would do.

Your MIL had her turn at buying gifts from her own kids, she can still buy for him from herself, but it’s your turn to do Fathers Day from your DS to DH.

I think each of our responses are tempered by our relationship with our own MiLs.
Personally, I'd think it was a bit odd, but just put it down to being her being over excited. Couldn't raise the energy to get upset about it. But then, I'm not suspicious of or mistrustful of my MiL. We're not great mates but we get on okay.

The widowed, lonelyass MIL is trying to steal that
What a spiteful thing to say.

Fuck me. This place sometimes.

This really isn’t something I would get bothered about, she is trying to do a nice thing, if you are trying to see it as something more sinister, that is your problem

@Neron

The widowed, lonelyass MIL is trying to steal that What a spiteful thing to say.

Fuck me. This place sometimes.

Ain’t it just. I comfort myself that their time will come. Their dils will hopefully treat them like this one day.

And as mentioned in my OP, a gift from MIL wouldn’t bother me. What I don’t like is that her gift is “from” DD - that should be for me to organise, not her. But your partner will know neither present is from the baby as she's a baby.

Unless there's a huge backstory of his mum having no boundaries I'd just see it as something nice for my partner from his mum as that's all it is!

I’d be pissed too! This is a stunt I’m expecting mine to pull on Sunday.

I'd find it annoying and wierd but I'd keep it to myself. I think it's just overstepping and not letting go of being in control of things like that anymore.

I'd be furious. Only two people can legitimately act on the baby's behalf, and neither person is your MIL.

@Neron

The widowed, lonelyass MIL is trying to steal that What a spiteful thing to say.

Fuck me. This place sometimes.

Quotes half the comment

Out of context.

And unironically...

You spectacularly missed the point. And no I won't fuck you as I prefer intelligent bed partners.

Hmmmm, slightly different dynamic but my mum told me today she'd got a little pressie and card for DH's 1st Father's Day from my DD. I thought it was sweet!

Whether I'd feel the same if MIL did this not so sure, I'd probably think nothing of it aslong as she did the same for me on Mother's Day

I think you are massively overreacting.
She was just doing a kind thing and really all this preciousness of adults buying presents pretending to be from the kids is a bit ridiculous and meaningless. No matter who bought the gift it certainly didn’t come from your child.
It is more meaningful when they get older and start making stuff.

My xh walked out when dc was too small to think about mother's day. That year I had several cards+gifts supposedly from my dc, but actually from my parents, my friends and a neighbour who all didn't want me to miss out as they rightly assumed xh wouldn't bother doing anything.

That is a really thoughtful gesture, no problem either with a parent sending a card+gift to their adult child from themselves. It's different if the GP sends something in the child's name when the actual parent will be doing something.

“I think each of our responses are tempered by our relationship with our own MiLs”

I agree absolutely

Annoying. If she will get wind of it, you could post a pic of dh and baby with gift dd gave him, don't mention the gift from your mil. If mentioned only refer to it as from mil, not from dd.

@blubberyboo

I think you are massively overreacting. She was just doing a kind thing and really all this preciousness of adults buying presents pretending to be from the kids is a bit ridiculous and meaningless. No matter who bought the gift it certainly didn’t come from your child. It is more meaningful when they get older and start making stuff.

I’m not sure how being privately annoyed is overreacting? I literally haven’t reacted.

DH and I have found having a new baby pretty challenging so I was looking forward to doing one of the “nice” things that come with being a new parent. I think she should have just let me have that.

It would annoy me. I’d probably mention that if already organized a gift from my child, but DH would appreciate the gift from MIL.

This wouldn’t bother me, at all. But I’m lucky that I have a really lovely mil. She’s not undermining or interfering in general. If she’d sent my dh a gift like that, I’d know it was 100% well meaning. If mil had a history of behaving thoughtlessly, being overbearing etc, I’d possibly feel different, I don’t know. I agree with a pp, how we’d feel about the gift probably depends mainly on how we feel about our mil’s.

@EllaBlaire I’d be annoyed too! A gift/card from her to her son to celebrate him being a dad is a lovely gesture. But a gift from your children to their dad is a huge overstep in my opinion.

My MIL phoned me on Wednesday “just to remind me” that it was DHs first Father’s Day this year (just incase is forgotten that he was now a dad 😐) and ask what I had planned to make it a special day for him. Or should she come round and celebrate with him so that it’s “more special” 🙄😬 Thanks for that reminder love - here was me completely forgetting that we’d had our first child this year 🙄
Always had a great relationship with her prior to having our DC but since then it’s as if all boundaries have gone out the window! She’s been spoken to multiple times by myself and by DH and still can’t help herself from getting over involved 🙄

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest and definitely would read into that age wants to outshine your gift or doesn't trust you. It's likely that she's excited and incredibly proud of her son. It doesn't have to effect your little families first Father's Day at all.