Aibu how seriously should the schooltake this?

[a8mint]

This picture of Dd 15 was passed around the classroom with her name on. Dd is upset but the school are not treating it as a bullying incident just general 'off task' behaviour and she is yoo sensitive. I am not sure. I think the boobs make it bullying
Yabu - bullying incident
Yanbu-bullying incident

I can't believe the number of people who seem to think it's OK and that OP's DD should have laughed it off! She's clearly been upset by it, and it was obviously done with the intention of making fun of her.

I know my own DD would feel absolutely humiliated if anything like this happened to her - she hates any attention on her, good or bad. Plus the drawing was done to be mean.

I don't think it should have to be a series of incidents before it's classed as bullying - this has made her upset, it was done to be nasty - how is that OK?

Don’t put up with it OP. I had something similar happen to me at school and it was humiliating. Your daughter deserves your support right now.

And saying your daughter is ‘too sensitive’ is victim blaming. I’d be kicking up hell right now if I was in your position. If that’s their attitude it’s a serious safe guarding issue.

It's too sexualised.

In an ideal world, there would be a discussion about why it's inappropriate.

I can imagine the school might not want to make matters worse for the girl in question - but a culture where pupils know sexual harassment is utterly inappropriate has to begin somewhere.

All those who think this is a joke - would you tolerate this from work colleagues?

No, of course you wouldn't.

And all those saying that it's just children's humour - how do you expect 15 year olds to move from the point where they think this is OK to the point where they know it's inappropriate?

The answer is by being told.

And that, of course, comes down to being told that a given space (workplace or school) doesn't accept this behaviour within it.

The thing about an image like this lies precisely in the use of a sexualised image negatively, for harassment purposes - in order to make the person picked out feel vulnerable and mocked - sexually.

And that, of course, means that every female in the school is now mockable/harrassable on the same, sexualised, sexist grounds.

If I were a female teacher in that school, I would feel deeply unhappy with that image being found and dismissed.

Because I would know that the school doesn't take sexual harassment - on grounds of sex, by means of sexualised imagery - seriously.

All those saying it's a one off incident for OP's DD may well be right, it's still not nice and it upset her! Her feelings completely and utterly count in this.
Whoever drew this picture may have only targeted her once, but who's to say they didn't do it to someone else last week, or will do so next week. How do we know that they won't do something similar or worse. incidents start off little and often escalate.
If they are doing this to others as well then yes they/he/she is a bully, just because they are not targeting the same person all the time doesn't mean its not bullying.

I wouldn't class it as bullying exactly - more an example of unkind behaviour. Whoever drew it (presumably your daughter knows?) should be spoken to about being kind to others.

It's very unpleasant behaviour but being unkind isn't bullying. Bullying requires a power dynamic and is usually sustained over a longer period of time.

@mam0918

Everyone saying that bullying is more than one incident... no it isnt.

When I was the new kid in the area and very unpopular (it was a clique-y school where everyone grew up together) and a girl I had never met before from completely different classes jumped me and beat me so bad I was put in hospital while her friends cheered her on, she apparently did it for popularity points.

It was DEFINATELY classed as serious bullying even though it was one incident.

I didnt even know her before that and only saw her once afterwards when she apologised. We where then deliberately kept seperate by the school because of it being bullying.

In most schools' anti-bullying policy, there is specific terminology for what bullying consists of, and can be depicted as. These protocols are drawn up by consultation with various groups and agencies, from governors to PTA to social services in some counties. A one-off thing will not usually fit any of the descriptors. And, as others have said, sadly, "Fred thumped me once in the playground-Fred is a bully" does diminish acts of real sustained bullying. Which absolutely goes on. Fred was violent and needs appropriate punishment, but unless he does it regularly, no, his one off action would not be considered as bullying. Unless the OP's daughter is the victim of a more prolonged campaign of harassment, then the picture falls into "obnoxious action ", sure, but it's not bullying. However, the OP needs to look at her dd's school"s policy as it may be different.

Another thought - why were the children not occupied enough? A drawing like that takes time, which obviously should have been spent learning, listening or writing. I would want to know why the teacher in charge wasn't fully occupying the class.

@OrangeSharked

What else was on the picture? It just looks like a stick figure girl to me, yes it has boobs but they just look like normal stick figure boobs to me

Was it done by a friend or someone who has form?

Is there context to the picture perhaps? You don't have to say on MN, but my worry would be that a picture of DD had been sent around or something like that.

On its own, no I don't think the picture is bullying. But there maybe more to it

This was my first thought as it looks like the stick figure has underwear at bottom and bare boobs . Is there more to it ?

@Zanzibar55

Another thought - why were the children not occupied enough? A drawing like that takes time, which obviously should have been spent learning, listening or writing. I would want to know why the teacher in charge wasn't fully occupying the class.

OH FFS you obviously have no idea ! 😂😂😂

@vegas888

15 year olds?, a year off leaving school and going on to further education! Immature, yes but not bullying imo.

I think you've contradicted yourself. Surely "15 year olds a year off leaving school and going on to further education" or even getting jobs should bloody know better not still be labelled as immature. If they don't realise sexualising others and mocking them is not ok at 15 then what hope is there for when they leave school

YABU. This is not bullying, it’s just an unpleasant incident.

Bullying is an ongoing series of incidents.

@Zanzibar55

Another thought - why were the children not occupied enough? A drawing like that takes time, which obviously should have been spent learning, listening or writing. I would want to know why the teacher in charge wasn't fully occupying the class.

They're 15! That's what's so weird about the drawing. It may take an 8 year old a while to draw it but I presume a 15 year old could knock it up in 15 seconds.

If she doesn’t grow a thick skin now she’ll really struggle when she’s older.

If that's the best drawing a 15 yo can do, it's a bit of a worry.

@Zanzibar55

Another thought - why were the children not occupied enough? A drawing like that takes time, which obviously should have been spent learning, listening or writing. I would want to know why the teacher in charge wasn't fully occupying the class.

are we looking at the same drawing?!?

You are sounding even more ridiculous than the OP!

It's not about having thick skin - it's about expecting an acceptable level of respect from peers.

I'd say it's bully behaviour as opposed to bullying, but it's still a sexualised depiction of a minor, who is then told she's too sensitive. I'd be taking it up with the head and expecting the pups who drew it to be at least spoken to.

Benefit of the doubt would be school are labelling it as "off task" so that the kids involved don't feel that it's become a "bullying thing" (in a kind of "oh you've drawn such a horrible picture of X and it's really upset her" versus "you were farting about and misbehaving in science so you're in the shit for that" type contrast) and escalate it into something more on-going, and that by just clamping down on the "off task" element of it they can nip it in the bud that way as grounds for sanctioning the perpetrators.

It's a horrid thing and I'd be very very watchful for any other incidents (and keeping a log - and a copy of the picture - along with dates and school response) and I would be annoyed at labelling your DD's reaction as oversensitivity if that makes sense?

As for stick men with willies - yep we used to take great joy in "accidentally" drawing the body line too long so it was a stick dick.

a8mint

still waiting to see a reply on that one:

Your voting says both YABU and YANBU are for bullying?

It’s not about “be less sensitive” / “have a thick skin”. You can be resilient and thick skinned but still, quite rightly, kick up a stink when you’re being humiliated or taken for a ride. It’s being assertive and not allowing low level / one off incidents to shape culture.

I think the point is that, however others might or might not view it, the OP's DD was genuinely distressed by it. Therefore OP is right to feel aggrieved.

I was the first girl in my school year to develop physically; first to start menstruating (on the day of my 9th birthday; cheers for that, God) and the first to have to wear a bra. It was mortifying. I was the only girl who had to put her hand up in class to ask to use the bathroom for "period admin" and the first to need to wear a bra. I was teased, called names and had my bra-strapped regularly pulled by kids behind me, but I think the bit that hurt the most was the older girls in more senior years, already into those life-changes themselves, who joined in. The oldest, no flat-chested waif herself, came up with the principal nickname. My teacher was sympathetic and kind but what could he do? Punishing the other kids would probably have made it worse (though I think he did have stern words after one particularly bad episode, while I was out of the room).

OP - I am so sorry that your daughter has experienced this. I wish I had better advice for how to tackle it with the school but, I think, had my mum gone "full-raptor" on the school at the time I probably wouldn't have liked it. All I can really suggest is that you keep listening to her, believing her and reassuring her that she is beautiful, and that you believe her. That means a lot.

Only with hindsight (I'm now in my 40s) can I see that some of it was probably based in jealousy and nervousness about the perpetrators' own physical developments, but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt.

It might be worth pushing back with the school and requesting more in the way of talking generally to the school about body and image shaming. It is important. "Just one drawing" is still an act that can cause great distress and should not be disregarded.

Best wishes to you and your daughter, OP. x

I'm a teacher. I would 100% class this as bullying and address the sexualisation of the picture to boot - not on.

It’s bullying. Why was the picture being passed round the class? Presumably so other pupils could have a laugh at your DD?

To the people saying it’s a stick figure and the boobs are there to signify the fact it’s female - yep, that’s why we commonly see figures with prominent boobs on the signs marking out Female toilets. I mean, it’s not as though we have any other shorthand way of signifying sex, is it? 🙄

I put YABU but now confused by options and I think it is bullying and you should kick up a fuss. It is targeted, unpleasant and has made her feel small. The school are minimising.