Aibu how seriously should the schooltake this?

[a8mint]

This picture of Dd 15 was passed around the classroom with her name on. Dd is upset but the school are not treating it as a bullying incident just general 'off task' behaviour and she is yoo sensitive. I am not sure. I think the boobs make it bullying
Yabu - bullying incident
Yanbu-bullying incident

if it has made your daughter feel upset and embarrassed and that was the intention behind it then yes its bullying.

on the surface, it might look like "oh its just a stupid drawing" but you certainly dont want this to be the start of anything.

It's a naked drawing of a real person created and passed round at their place of study with them specifically named! That's degrading and sexual harassment.
It would be seen as totally inappropriate and unacceptable in a place of work so why should it accepted as par for the course in school?
It's degrading. Its designed to make the target ashamed and uncomfortable and to remind them that they're seen as a sexual object. And if the person who drew it doesn't understand that consciously then they need educating about their behaviour and taught some respect for women. Which won't happen if it's all laughed off.
A women's body/boobs/crotch isn't there for others' entertainment. What's next, upskirting?

I think it depends on the context, but from what you have said in your OP I think it's probably meant to be unkind.

Yabu!

It's an extremely odd thing for anybody of that age group to be producing. (I have 4 classes of 15 year olds) Is there a massive backstory about the dynamics?
If one of my female students came to me either as subject teacher, form teacher or in my role as deputy safeguarding lead, I'd certainly be having a word with whoever did it, in a "what pathetic immature shit is this exactly?" (not in so many words obvs!) but unless there was more, it wouldn't be down as bullying.
Such a strange thing for that age group. Drawing tits and bums (sorry for crudeness) tends to be much younger kids.

My teenage DS would be in huge trouble with us if I was told he had done this.
On the other hand, I’m in favour of helping girls to build resilience. I’m afraid I see quite a few female students who will scarcely open their mouth in classes. One or two male students contributing in class and the women seem to be completely intimidated whereas other female students have no problem at all engaging with that and debating effectively.
I know what I would have done at your DD age - but it would probably have got me in trouble , but I would have done it anyway. Return picture passed round of perpetrator ( if I knew who it was) with small dick label pointing at the groin.
I have no time for Thatchers legacy mostly but the girls I grew up with in the 80s mostly took no crap from boys.
But then I’m assuming the perpetrator is male- I’ve no daughters so am not sure what is going on here if it was done by a girl.

At first glance it's a pretty horrific picture. But really the green felt tip is just adding features, not like spots or a moustache but make up. (green mouth, eyebrows, blush) - they're not trying to make her look ugly.

I would very likely have drawn a friend like this at school! And they would have drawn me the same.

If boys drew that I would be much less impressed than if it were female friends simply because it's a sexualised image.

I don't think it's bullying although I totally understand why it's not kind. If she wasn't part of the conversation when they drew it, and depending on what the rest of it says!

The drawing looks more like it’s done by a 5 year old not a 15 year old. Where my daughter goes to school (rated outstanding by ofsted) smoking weed is rife, many of the girls post nudes, drink, do nos, acid, ecstasy, have sex, some have even had children at that age.
I’d say a stick drawing is the least of your worries.

I’m going to suggest that, if you do contact the school OP, you do it initially via the teacher of the lesson it happened in. If it’s being described as ‘off task behaviour’ that teacher will be aware of the context and subsequent action or sanction.

Escalating immediately to the HoY or SLT, will delay the process, because they will then need to find out from the teacher what the circumstances were.

I speak from experience.

@a8mint

This picture of Dd 15 was passed around the classroom with her name on. Dd is upset but the school are not treating it as a bullying incident just general 'off task' behaviour and she is yoo sensitive. I am not sure. I think the boobs make it bullying Yabu - bullying incident Yanbu-bullying incident

No the boobs on the stick figure do not make it bullying. Bullying means a repeated pattern of assault / teasing / name-calling etc., nothing to do with boobs. As a one off it was mean and unpleasant, but the school may be correct that it is not a bullying incident.

It's not nice but is it bullying?

The word bullying can be flagged up so much these days but ask:

• was it deliberate
• was it more than once
• did they stop when asked to stop
• did they apologise

so if
yes
no
yes
yes
then it's not bullying and making more out of it than it is might lead to a worse situation for your daughter

Calling a one off incident bullying does diminish ongoing bullying. It can be nasty and should-be-called-out without it being bullying.
I'm sure we can all remember occasions where we said or did something which was nasty, sometimes intentionally, sometimes taken the wrong way because we hadn't thought how it would sound.

The situation here may depend. Was it targeted at her, or have they all been drawing pictures of each other-I've known that sort of thing happen, where a group are being silly together and one person suddenly gets upset even though they've done similar to others.

If she's already been having comments about "big boobs" or similar then, yes, it may be bullying-it's part of a pattern of behaviour. If that's the case then speak to the head of year and explain that it's part of what is needed to be addressed. In that way this could be helpful because you have a physical bit of evidence rather than he said/she said.

Other thing I'm just wondering if that's the exact picture or has your dd reproduced it to show you? Because it seems odd if the teacher is aware of it, that your dd's brought it home. If your dd has redrawn it for you, then she may well have emphasised the areas that she found upsetting-which is understandable, to her they will have looked like that.

It doesn't matter if it is bullying or not. It is a serious incident. In a workplace it could easily be considered sexual harassment. Teenage girls should not have to put up with it!

I don't think it's bullying and I speak as someone who's daughter was bullied for a year.
It's mean and unpleasant but so are lots of things but it doesn't make it bullying. If it's a one off the school won't do much more than talk to the artist, warn them it's inappropriate and what will happen if they do it again.
If it was described as off target then the teacher might have already said this.
I don't like the idea that if the artist was a girl it's okay but if a boy did it he's a pervert. Either it's acceptable or it's not. Talk about double standards!

@ChloeCrocodile

It doesn't matter if it is bullying or not. It is a serious incident. In a workplace it could easily be considered sexual harassment. Teenage girls should not have to put up with it!

So much this^

Whether or not it's technically "bullying" is frankly neither here nor there. The fact is, there has been a nasty incident centred on, and at the expense of the OPs daughter. She's upset by it. And, as the OP asks, should the school take it more seriously?

Yes of course they should. No blooming dictionary needed!

It’s sexual harassment, and that’s how you should word it in your complaint to the school.
Have people not see the news recently about how rife it is in schools? Incidents like this need to be dealt with seriously so the message is very clear this behaviour is not acceptable, and ensure it doesn’t escalate.

@Hermanfromguesswho

A one off incident is mean. If it’s part of an ongoing pattern then it’s bullying.

Exactly.

OP, your daughter needs to shake this off. It's not nice but that's life, these things happen. Nothing wrong with making her friends know how it made her feel though, and that she won't accept this going forward. Make sure she draws the line here so it doesn't happen again.

Stick thin with big boobs? Someone is clearly jealous.

But yes, it's 100% a bullying incident if your daughter isn't laughing along with them. Have there been any other problems or is it a one off? I could perhaps let it go if it's the only incident but if it's perpetual then the school should be dealing with it.

It’s silly, stupid and insensitive bit it’s not bullying. It’s 15 year old humour. Your daughter is being a little sensitive. She’ll have to deal with far worse things in life.

Bullying is repeated targeting of a person so it is not bullying. I don’t know why people are so quick with that label as I think it takes away from the severity of what is actually bullying.

This was a nasty incident and I’m not surprised your daughter is upset. Tell the school she isn’t being overly sensitive and the unpleasantness should be dealt with BEFORE it turns into bullying.

It's the tits and spots that make it nasty, both drawn in the same pen presumably by one person.

Surprised the school didn't do more under those circumstances but not sure what more you can do at this point, beyond getting DD to report any further incidents if they happen.

@Tangled22

Does no one remember being 15? It’s a silly incident that most 15 year olds would laugh off - or do the same thing back, and do a drawing of the culprit.

If it was targeting any of her physical features (or had stink lines off it or something) then I think that would be different. But what is she upset about, other than “they have drawn a stick girl and said it’s me”.

That’s just my opinion, but I remember being 15 in a rowdy classroom quite well. I think reporting the classmate for something so silly would go down badly, and wouldn’t do your daughter any favours.

Are breasts not a physical feature?

There was a girl in my school with HUGE breast which where hypersexualised by others... that is a physical feature no different than a big nose, fat belly or smell lines.

What was the point of drawing the picture & passing it around?

To deliberately get others to laugh at Op's daughter I'm guessing?

Is that not bullying?

I think it was pubic hair and someone has gone over the brown with black ink and drawn pants. Probably as they knew the pubes would be a step too far!

At 15 they should know better, some of them will start work soon. Good luck with drawing that in the workplace!

Everyone saying that bullying is more than one incident... no it isnt.

When I was the new kid in the area and very unpopular (it was a clique-y school where everyone grew up together) and a girl I had never met before from completely different classes jumped me and beat me so bad I was put in hospital while her friends cheered her on, she apparently did it for popularity points.

It was DEFINATELY classed as serious bullying even though it was one incident.

I didnt even know her before that and only saw her once afterwards when she apologised. We where then deliberately kept seperate by the school because of it being bullying.