Aibu how seriously should the schooltake this?

[a8mint]

This picture of Dd 15 was passed around the classroom with her name on. Dd is upset but the school are not treating it as a bullying incident just general 'off task' behaviour and she is yoo sensitive. I am not sure. I think the boobs make it bullying
Yabu - bullying incident
Yanbu-bullying incident

@Macncheeseballs

It's bullying if it belittles someone and makes them feel shit about themselves

This is the only definition you need really.

I would also add 'especially if it is intended to mock or belittle'

I suspect this is. Yes, I remember being 15. I was insecure and hated my body, I would have been distraught.

I am ex HOY. Absolutely I would deal with this.

15 year olds?, a year off leaving school and going on to further education! Immature, yes but not bullying imo.

It’s grossly inappropriate and should be dealt with as such but I wouldn’t say it’s bullying unless it forms part of an ongoing campaign.

She should have just laughed it off.

I'd like to ban this phrase for everyone.

No-one should have to 'laugh off' anything that demeans, hurts or belittles them.

Everyone saying 'it's not bullying', it's really not the point.

This is offensive. It's demeaning. OP's DD is upset.

That's the starting point & the school should take it seriously.

Exactly how it's qualified can come later. It might be part of a pattern of bullying behaviour or not.

But this specific act needs addressing, regardless.

Bullying is when an individual is repeatedly targeted by another person or group of people. A one-off incident is just that- an incident.

If once at work a colleague made fun of you for doing something wrong- it's a one off incident- not bullying.

The school have dealt with it presumably, just not treating it as bullying.

Dammit! I voted YABU because the first option said bullying incident, then realised you’d used both options with the same explanation. Not sure how accurate your poll result will be, but I think commenting on a person’s body in a negative way is bullying, and at 15 it’s especially nasty.

Those posters who think it's just banter and that she should have laughed it off, do you realise, as a female, that you've been conditioned to think that way? "Oh boys are silly and immature aren't they"

My 14 year old would be mortified if someone had drawn this of her and passed it around. It would have caused her to have a panic attack, followed by weeks of school refusal.

OP's DD doesn't need to toughen up, she needs other people not to be dicks and think it's ok to make fun of others

@PinkyDozza

Well said in your posts 👏

Difficult. I can see why she’s upset, and it’s definitely not ok. I can’t tell if it’s what I would class as bullying without knowing more about who did it and their relationship with your DD. I had some awful treatment at school, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Putting the school and their abilities to deal with this to one side for a moment, I would be wondering whether you should be helping your DD to work on her resilience. There will always be dickheads around (I work with a few), and being able to dig deep and rise above is a useful skill.

I wouldn’t be happy with the school though, but I would ask open questions that focus on their bullying policy and it’s wording. You also have more context about the perpetrator - are they a known bully? Or is it a ‘friend’ who has made a bad judgement?

Personally I wouldn't be surprised if there's a backstory. At 15 I would have been able to discern the intention behind this and if it was just friends being childish I'd have known. If I was upset it would be because it was not meant to be a "laugh".

If this is part of a wider picture where people are making fun of her appearance then it is bullying.
Otherwise it is rude/mean but I wouldn't label it as bullying.

Sexualised bullying is currently a hot topic with Ofsted - which might be worth highlighting to the school.

@Wheelz46

How is this not bullying? It's a picture being passed around a bunch of 15 year old (presumably to have a laugh at) saying it looks like OP DD. Bullying isn't just verbal or physical!

If students think they can get away with this, what else will they think they can get away with.

YANBU OP school should nip this in the bud immediately.

Yes its one person coordinating belittling and mocking at the very least. Its exactly the kind of behaviour people report in the early stages of bullying. Its pathetic, mean and needs nipping in the bud before it becomes a longer term bullying issue

Jesus fucking Christ this thread is depressing.

Why the fuck should a child have to wait for several instances of nastiness before anything is done, because it's not 'officially' bullying yet?

And as for the poster who thinks that OPs daughter should be pleased to have her "rack" appreciated by her classmates, words fail me. I seriously hope you have no children.

OP I'd speak to the school about this. It's so not on yo say that she's too sensitive.

Wtf even are some of these replies?

It’s completely unacceptable. The reason it’s badged as “typical teenage crap” or whatever is precisely because people don’t take this sort of thing seriously but this sort of crap made school utterly miserable

*for the school to say

@saraclara

Initially I thought the bottom half included a skirt. But it's not a skirt is it. It's pubic hair.

Still think this is okay, pps? I don't.

Ah that makes sense of the face now. The scribble above the mouth didn’t make sense at all. I would imagine it to be a depiction of top lip hair then.

YANBU op. This is a naked depiction of your dd. Disgusting and should be heavily punished.

@Anythingelseintheboxpandora

Wtf even are some of these replies?

It’s completely unacceptable. The reason it’s badged as “typical teenage crap” or whatever is precisely because people don’t take this sort of thing seriously but this sort of crap made school utterly miserable

This exactly. When we were at school we were told to suck it up, when we were at school it was normal for boys to take the piss out of girls having breasts, these boys went on to think it was ok to belittle women, to touch women and to bully them, some possibly went on to be abusers. These small things need to be nipped in the bud early and not laughed off or assumed to be normal. I remember boys drawing pictures when I was at school (with boobs), I remember being groped by one boy on a number of occasions.

OP doesn’t state that boy drew this picture but I wouldn’t expect a girl to do this to another girl.

I’m sorry OP that your dd has experienced this, if she’s upset then it is bullying. It’s very likely this isn’t a one off? My daughter has been bullied constantly through high school, she has grown a back bone but she shouldn’t have too, she has feelings and no one should be made to feel uneasy and upset by someone else’s childish actions.

Bullying is when an individual is repeatedly targeted by another person or group of people. A one-off incident is just that- an incident.

Not really. People who do stuff like that don’t do it once and never again. They’re likely to be intimidating or harassing others too.

Is the OP’s DD being bullied repeatedly or relentlessly?
No, not yet.

Is the OP’s DD the victim of a bully on this occasion?
Yes

Is the person who drew the picture and passed it round a bully?
Yes, as I said above, gang mentality. Their aim was to embarrass and intimidate.

Is this a ‘one off incident’?
For the OP’s DD, possibly yes, maybe not.
Could be the start of something bigger. It might be someone else’s turn tomorrow or the day after.

It’s very unlikely this is the first and only time this person has pulled a stunt like this.

OP - you are right to be cross and to escalate to the school.

The age of the children make this more important. They are old enough to know this sort of thing would embarrass and humiliate (of course they do) and they’re also old enough to know sexualised images are a dangerous game.

It doesn’t matter what the pic looks like or whether it looks like your daughter - it’s the fact that someone has chosen to depict your daughter in a demeaning way. If it was a pic of pig or a rat with her name on it would also be bullying.

“Low level horrid” is a great phrase and exactly what is being accepted here.

All of her class should be asked how they would feel if it was their name. And then have their name put on the picture and experience how that feels.

Just to add, stuff like this doesn’t happen out of nowhere. As someone else said, there will be a back story.

OP doesn’t state that boy drew this picture but I wouldn’t expect a girl to do this to another girl.

Have you ever actually met a teenage girl?

@LittleRa

OP doesn’t state that boy drew this picture but I wouldn’t expect a girl to do this to another girl.

Have you ever actually met a teenage girl?

OMG. This!