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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Awkward Work Moment 🙄

189 replies

Movinbaby · 17/06/2021 18:25

I am getting really tired of my work colleague. She is always talking about her personal life and her husband who she makes sound awful. She has been with the company for 3 years and it's all she talks about. She seems to need the attention. What is worse is she takes liberties all the time. Currently it's taking well over her 30 minute lunch. She goes out of the office, which is her choice but spends around 45 minutes. She goes to the GP, the supermarkets all at a distance and then comes back and eats her lunch whilst working but she likes to chat so isn't really working and this disturbs everyone else who are working. Well today she was gone for an hour and the receptionist called me as she was truly concerned about her. She didn't sign out of the building. The colleague walked back in having been home (some distance) made a sandwich etc. I was on the call to the receptionist as she walked in so when I ended the call I told her that she was worried as she had been gone so long. Before I knew what I was saying, I had told her that it really was unfair that she keeps taking so long for lunch when everyone only gets 30 minutes. There was no reason other than "I went home to get some money and then decided to make a sandwich" I told her that she did this every day and that she only gets 30 minutes like I do. I just could not stop myself. Its not just that but she comes to work and does her makeup for 10 minutes every morning. I did tell her that people are noticing and it's only a matter of Time before they report it to the boss. What she doesn't know is the receptionist had to tell the boss as she didn't sign out of the building and they need to know this.

Anyways, it was very uncomfortable after and she sulked all afternoon and kept making snide comments about working her time back etc.

Whoops 🤭

OP posts:
randomkey123 · 17/06/2021 20:03

I think you need to explain to your manager that her disappearing acts are impacting your ability to work. Then leave it to them to deal with.

godmum56 · 17/06/2021 20:04

@HollowTalk

But it is the OP's business if she's having to pick up the phone calls that the other woman should be answering.
its the OP's business to talk to her manager, not to address the issue herself and definitely not to fly off the handle over it....that way lies an accusation of bullying/harassment and the wrong person getting interviewed/disciplined.
Curbaisti · 17/06/2021 20:06

The leaving at 11.30 and phone coverage would have me in a rage. I've had this sort thing piss taking before on my team . I discussed with teammates and we agreed that I'd send an email to everyone about lack of cover at certain times and we would now have to make sure we had rota as it would be AWFUL to annoy the Manager with this. Got replies from the others agreeing and that made sense. Person wasn't picked on so no backlash. She had no choice then to follow it thank god she buggered off elsewhere eventually

PurplePansy05 · 17/06/2021 20:11

OP, it's not about ignoring it, but about addressing it through appropriate channels and in an appropriate manner. How long have you been in an office job?

Original poster
Movinbaby · 17/06/2021 20:13

Sorry Godmum56 but I must correct you there. I did not fly off the handle at all. I had to tell her that the receptionist was calling me to ask about her safety as my colleague walked in whilst I was talking to her on the phone (not saying anything horrible about her). I was really polite and just said that the receptionist was worried as she was out for an hour and had not signed out of the building. My colleague then said "I have been home and decided to make myself a sandwich " I then said that it was yesterday as well and that it wasn't fair when she only gets 30 minutes like I do. I just said that if I was noticing, management may be noticing too.

OP posts:
Livelovebehappy · 17/06/2021 20:14

The mistake your manager is making is treating all his staff like responsible adults. This rarely works as there's always at least one person who takes advantage, spoiling it for everyone else. You only have to read some of the comments on here to see that some people just don’t get that of course it’s not fair for some colleagues to work an 8 hour day and get paid for 8 hours, whilst someone else is getting paid the same for working seven and a half hours.

Original poster
Movinbaby · 17/06/2021 20:17

PurplePansy05, I have been in office jobs all my working life. Should I have told management first then. I feel like that's going behind her back. I am just being honest about how it made me feel. I don't talk about her to others like the others do in the office.

OP posts:
Livelovebehappy · 17/06/2021 20:17

Male managers are also poor at addressing issues like this, especially with female staff, as they don’t like the drama. Women bosses are better at managing this kind of situation.

Original poster
Movinbaby · 17/06/2021 20:19

Livelovebehappy - she is getting paid more than me. I feel.like I am wrong for addressing something that is wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
Movinbaby · 17/06/2021 20:21

Livelovebehappy - this is exactly how I feel and I couldn't agree more with your comments. If I ran a business like this, we would be closed within a week!

OP posts:
newnortherner111 · 17/06/2021 20:30

You have made your feelings clear which I think was the correct thing to do. And not behind her back.

Hopefully the message will have got through from this and from the receptionist having to mention her non-signing out.

BronwenFrideswide · 17/06/2021 20:31

I have been home and decided to make myself a sandwich piss taker personified, what a justification!

You were right OP, stop doubting yourself, you explained to your colleague why the receptionist was concerned you also made her aware that her piss taking is not going unnoticed, her choice whether she continues doing so.

I would, if I were you, speak to your Manager and advise him what's happened, what you said, the overall feeling with colleagues that the actions of this employee are giving rise to and the impact on you (the phones ringing) and document it in writing, always best to get your version of events in first, you don't want him to be blindsided by her complaining to him with her unique version of the necessity to make a sandwich at home and to take an hour to do so.

Piss taker is well aware what she is doing and like all piss takers they take great exception to it being pointed out to them.

lazyarse123 · 17/06/2021 20:38

I agree that you did the right thing op. Too many cheeky folk taking the piss and getting away with it. She's paid for full time hours that's what she should be doing.
I did a similar thing today with a colleague who spends an enormous amount of time sat on the floor Hmm behind a till, not a good look for customers. I told her not to do it, we are the same level but there is no need to go running to management.

Standrewsschool · 17/06/2021 20:44

Probably the managers job to say this, but it had to be said.

Doodlebug71 · 17/06/2021 20:56

A 30 minute lunch? Seriously? How are people supposed to relax, eat and digest/be ready to return to work in 30 minutes? I take at least an hour for lunch. 10-15 minutes to prepare the food, then time to eat. That's not possible within a 30 minute time frame. Who are these companies?

Wafflewaffle · 17/06/2021 21:03

I wouldn’t like to work in your office. I don’t think it’s anyone’s business to keep tabs on what other staff are doing, this is the managers job. Management would have approached her eventually. Unless of course, you are having to pick up her work load, which doesn’t sound like the case.

‘Movinbaby
‘Livelovebehappy - she is getting paid more than me. I feel.like I am wrong for addressing something that is wrong.’

OP your above comment, ‘she gets paid more than me’ … maybe this is what’s upsetting you.

Suzi888 · 17/06/2021 21:08

@MrsClatterbuck

The reason for the signing in and out is probably for when you have a fire drill as well as clocking in in the morning. When we had a fire drill at work our team supervisor took the book out with them to where we were gathered to do a roll call. If you had an emergency and she had signed in in the morning but not signed out at lunchtime she would be down as being still in the building.
^ this!
KnottedFern · 17/06/2021 21:12

@Doodlebug71

A 30 minute lunch? Seriously? How are people supposed to relax, eat and digest/be ready to return to work in 30 minutes? I take at least an hour for lunch. 10-15 minutes to prepare the food, then time to eat. That's not possible within a 30 minute time frame. Who are these companies?
The NHS for a start. I think it's really normal in healthcare settings. They like to get every last drip of blood out of their employees.
godmum56 · 17/06/2021 21:16

@Movinbaby

Sorry Godmum56 but I must correct you there. I did not fly off the handle at all. I had to tell her that the receptionist was calling me to ask about her safety as my colleague walked in whilst I was talking to her on the phone (not saying anything horrible about her). I was really polite and just said that the receptionist was worried as she was out for an hour and had not signed out of the building. My colleague then said "I have been home and decided to make myself a sandwich " I then said that it was yesterday as well and that it wasn't fair when she only gets 30 minutes like I do. I just said that if I was noticing, management may be noticing too.
" I told her that she did this every day and that she only gets 30 minutes like I do. I just could not stop myself. " " I then said that it was yesterday as well and that it wasn't fair when she only gets 30 minutes like I do."

ok i retract flying off the handle but speaking as an ex manager, those comments are not your job to make directly. no matter how polite you believe you were, that's enough for her to go to the manager to claim harassment because no matter how right you are about what she is doing, its not your job to do it, Be careful.

Cyberattack · 17/06/2021 21:17

Please consider the fact that there may be something else going on which you don't know about and which you don't need to know about. It is strange that the receptionist was "worried" about her.
My friend was having treatment for cancer and didn't want all the nosey parkers to know. She had an arrangement with her boss that she would come in late after morning radiotherapy. It was nobody else's business.
I worked in another place where a colleague was routinely gossiped about and denigrated because she suffered from stomach pain and particularly around her period time had to take a lot of time off. In the end she left the job because people were so mean. It turned out she had been suffering from undiagnosed ovarian cancer.

godmum56 · 17/06/2021 21:17

@Movinbaby

Livelovebehappy - she is getting paid more than me. I feel.like I am wrong for addressing something that is wrong.
Not...your...job.
cantkeepawayforever · 17/06/2021 21:19

@Doodlebug71

A 30 minute lunch? Seriously? How are people supposed to relax, eat and digest/be ready to return to work in 30 minutes? I take at least an hour for lunch. 10-15 minutes to prepare the food, then time to eat. That's not possible within a 30 minute time frame. Who are these companies?
Come and work in a school!

I have 30 minutes to eat lunch AND make sure that all resources etc are ready for the afternoon - less if any child spends a bit longer eating, and zero if it rains.

I usually get about 10 mins to prepare food and eat, often while e.g. replying to parent e-mails at the same time.

MintyCedric · 17/06/2021 21:21

@Doodlebug71

A 30 minute lunch? Seriously? How are people supposed to relax, eat and digest/be ready to return to work in 30 minutes? I take at least an hour for lunch. 10-15 minutes to prepare the food, then time to eat. That's not possible within a 30 minute time frame. Who are these companies?
I work in secondary school - we have 30 minutes, have to sign in and out and you can bet your arse someone will have a stopwatch going...and that's just for the support staff.
Maggiethecat · 17/06/2021 21:22

OP, I totally get where you're coming from. Used to work with one piss taker like this - would start down tooling 15 mins before 5pm and never had any problem chatting to all and sundry about her personal life and making loud personal calls during the course of the day while everyone else beavered away.

It is so dispiriting to work with people like this.

Gladioli23 · 17/06/2021 21:36

I understand why it annoys you if she is a dead on time to arrive and leave person. It annoys me too.

The difficulty I have is that I have no desire to arrive at the same time every day, take half an hour for lunch etc. I expect everyone to cope if I don't start til 9:30, or if I need to leave at 3, or if I go and meet a friend and take half an hour for lunch.

The opposite side of that is that if I have to do the hours then that's one of those things: I have worked 122 hours over the last 11 days, which included a weekend.

But back to the difficulty: I expect to be afforded the flexibility I want and I am happy to afford other people that. But in return for not minding them taking a long lunch break, they have to not mind staying late if something needs doing: give and take. And when people don't want to do that I find it difficult to get the balance right between facilitating give and take in people who do and enforcing appropriate behaviour in those who don't. I don't think it's beneficial to end up in a regimented culture if it can be avoided as it doesn't encourage keeping good staff.