In thinking being a SAHM is work?

[morepizza]

Work is defined as:

noun
noun: work; plural noun: works; plural noun: the works
1 1. 
activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result.

I think this includes SAH parental duties. I know a lot of people don't agree with me. What else would it be called?

@Howshouldibehave

Bringing up decent humans is a pretty good purpose for me.

Are you implying that parents who work outside of the home aren’t bringing up their children?

No.

I'm a sahm and I don't class it as a 'work', but that's not to say it isn't hard work at times.

“Are you implying that parents who work outside of the home aren’t bringing up their children?”

Bingo! That’s another one.

It's neither work nor hard for me (and yes I do have twins) but appreciate not everyone feels like I do

You don't need to be a SAHP to bring up decent humans though.

No, but you need a lot of help

@Meezer2

Try being a parent who works full time but still has to run the house and looks after kids too

Yes, I think being a single mum must be a very tough job indeed. (i was bought up by one but haven't been one myself) Hope your OK @Meezer2

@MildredPuppy

Actually i dont think my husband did contribute as much as i did to things like my childs early development. It was me who painfully went through the whole bloody phonics scheme and those bloody chip biff and kipper books. Twice.

Yep! My husband knows exactly who out of the two of us is helping our child develop and I know exactly who is out earning money for us.

It's team work.

@morepizza

You don't need to be a SAHP to bring up decent humans though.

No, but you need a lot of help

That isn't true. I know many couples who both work, and manage to raise their children with no 'help' they have different shift patterns. I feel like you're super judging parents who choose to work, why?

OP live your life, you don't need any validation for your choices.

Equally, you don't need to piss on other people's choices by insinuating that only SAHMs can raise decent human beings.

@topwings

OP live your life, you don't need any validation for your choices.

Equally, you don't need to piss on other people's choices by insinuating that only SAHMs can raise decent human beings.

That's not really what I said. People have jumped on that and ran with it.

I think it depends
With babies, toddlers primary age DC or children with additional needs, it's like a full time job, in the fact that they need caring for, entertaining, feeding etc and cant be left unattended.
For teenagers and secondary age children, most of the SAHM I know seem to have quite an easy and enjoyable life. Going to gym/classes, long cycle rides, beauty salons, meeting friends for lunch or coffee, going to art galleries etc. They have cleaners, gardeners, people that do the ironing etc. Their children are out of the house 8-4ish, it doesnt seem too much like hard work but it obviously works well for their households.

No it isn't work. It's a very privileged position to be in, to have a husband that can financially support the whole family so that you can stay home and bring up the children and have a lower stress way of life.

Fair play to you.
I earn 78000 euros a year and work term time only.
Good times all round👍

Sorry that was a quote fail. Not as good without context!!!

@spanielstail

No it isn't work. It's a very privileged position to be in, to have a husband that can financially support the whole family so that you can stay home and bring up the children and have a lower stress way of life.

A friend of mine has had to quit her job because they can't afford childcare for 2 children.

Is that privileged?

@Empanadas

Shall we kick off with MN SAHM bingo? Here goes -

“I do EVERYTHING you do AND work,”

“SAHM is not work as it has no intrinsic value to society - only your family.”

“You must be brain dead.”

“Just ‘get childcare’”

“It is not work because it is not paid and you are not contributing in tax.”

“What about when the children are at school? What about it, eh eh?”

“You are a poor role model.”

You are ‘funded by a man.’”

“Your husband will disrespect you / have an affair / turn into a MAMIL - or all of the above”

“You are financially vulnerable. You must be. End of.”

“You will NEVER work again.”

“Get a free half hour with a solicitor.”

This! The ‘you are financially vulnerable’ brigade have not let us down, they’ve started already.

I’ll never understand the mumsnet vitriol aimed at SAHMs, or even the judgement from stay at home mums occasionally thrown at working parents! Why so judgemental? You do you...not everyone has to make the same life choices!

@Rosesareyellow

Actually i dont think my husband did contribute as much as i did to things like my childs early development. It was me who painfully went through the whole bloody phonics scheme and those bloody chip biff and kipper books. Twice.

But he did facilitate it. And earning your familiy’s entire income to keep you fed, housed and secure is a pretty valuable contribution to your son isn’t it? Surely that’s a two way street? If he wasn’t working you wouldn’t be able to be a SAHM and therefore wouldn’t have had that kind of time to support your son with his reading.

I work part time. I earn 40% of the household income.

I just hate those biff chip kipper books so much.

@morepizza

You don't need to be a SAHP to bring up decent humans though.

No, but you need a lot of help

Not when your child starts school you don't. Unless you home school then a teacher will be teaching your child all day, whether you're a working parent or SAHP.

A friend of mine has had to quit her job because they can't afford childcare for 2 children.

I didnt go back to work til my DC started school as we couldnt afford 2 x childcare, on top of commuting.

That's not really what I said. People have jumped on that and ran with it.

You said that working parents need a lot of help to raise decent human beings.

Of course SAHPs also need lots of help because somebody is working in order to facilitate the parent to stay at home.

So back to my original point of living your own life and not worrying about other people's opinions or choices.

SAHP is doing the same ‘work’ the WOTH 0parents also do (after their paid work) unless they pay for a cleaner/gardener etc that most WOTH parents don’t.
Nice luxury to have -except that you will pay for your long holiday when the breadwinner prefers his co-worker and you divorce.

** friend of mine has had to quit her job because they can't afford childcare for 2 children.

Is that privileged?**

That comes into the category of having children you can't afford surely? Unless the plan was husband works to earn the money and she doesn't as the profit margin after childcare is negative?

I'm a working parent of two autistic children. Sure what you're doing is work - but you're not a better or more worthy parent than I am, and you don't get to assume the amount of 'help' I need to bring up my children.

Of course it's work, but it's still a lifestyle choice that many parents would jump at the opportunity to experience.

I just think the fact we have to have this conversation is utter knaffballs. I do wish I saw more Dads making the choice to be SAH but it's so hard being SAH, not just the toughness of doing it but that you have utterly ruined your independence, sense of self, future career and earnings etc, I can see why few men are jumping at the opportunity. But of course its a precious few years so worth the sacrifice that shockingly few men are willing to take... !

If someone put the above on a job advert you'd run a mile: menial job, no progression, in fact you will earn less and never get a decent job again but high fulfilment factor (if you like your kids).