In thinking being a SAHM is work?

[morepizza]

Work is defined as:

noun
noun: work; plural noun: works; plural noun: the works
1 1. 
activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result.

I think this includes SAH parental duties. I know a lot of people don't agree with me. What else would it be called?

A) I’m not looking for standing in society. It’s an observation about other people

B) And yet, some argue that they are still parenting whilst at work. They are not.

After that, I’m not engaging any more. You’re trying to have it both ways

Far more sensible and empathetic response

@Sweak
Second attempt

Far more understanding and empathetic response

And yet, some argue that they are still parenting whilst at work. They are not

I don’t think anyone is arguing that they provide childcare while at work, no.

Parenting however is a different issue and everyone parents, whether they stay at home or work out of home. I’ve never come across a nursery that claims to ‘parent’. Have you?

I’m not looking for standing in society

Why mention it then? I honestly don’t understand this. What would greater standing in society look like?

It’s called being an adult and a parent - all parents if they work or not do it

Many parents (myself included as DH and I both work FT) contract out many of the jobs a SAHP would do. Eg a childminder for school runs. Breakfast club, after school club and holiday clubs. A cleaner to do a thorough clean every week plus the laundry.

Some people have a gardener or even an accountant (say you run your own business).

Ironing is often contracted out. Night nanny for babies/toddlers so working parents get sleep is common in some areas.

Ideally I’d like to work part time as 2 out the house FT parents is a constant juggling act, especially with covid waves and when children are ill or their class has to isolate etc. I’d also like to plan and make proper meals from scratch instead of relying on frozen food, remembering to marinate something the night before in a rush etc.

I think being a SAHP can be treated like a job, if you focus on your DC’s needs, education, development, nutrition etc. And if you take on the cleaning (or the hassle of finding cleaners), cooking, shopping, household admin. If you have goals eg improving the running of the home, or supporting your working partner to get a promotion, or focusing on your DC’s education and homework it can be viewed as a FT job. It depends how you look at the role.

@TheKeatingFive I can't speak for pp, but from my perspective i don't think sahp need 'standing in society' as such...more just not to be assumed to be a bit thick and lazy?

And yet, some argue that they are still parenting whilst at work. They are not.

Well, that depends on your definition of parenting, I guess. I don't think you can reduce parenting to childcare. I happen to think that putting a roof over my child's head and food on the table is actually a pretty important aspect of parenting.

So for the last year and a bit I have worked full time from home (70+ hours a week) whilst having two kids at home for most of that time. If I only had the kids to think about my life would be a dream and on my days off life is much easier. My ‘days off’ are the same as a SAHM ‘working day’ but it does not feel like work at all.
So no, I don’t class being a SAHM as work. I do judge those who chose not to work, especially those with school aged children and it pisses me off when I hear them moan about how hard it is.

Does this make teachers, who may also be parents, superhuman then?

I parent from 6am until 730.
Then I am in loco parentis/ a counsellor/ admin assistant/careers advisor/ dispute negotiator/ project manager/ teacher all day while my own children are being taught (or outsourced).
Then I come home and parent/ do life admin/ house work/ marking and prep.

Am I working all weekend too, or is that just spending time with my family? If I don't WANT to spend time with them?

Sorry, if I DON'T want to spend time with my family but I have to, does it then become work?

Parenting Vs childcare is an interesting one. I would argue most of nursery time is childcare. But where do things like potty training sit here? If nursery are taking on the bulk of potty training are they completing a parenting task or a childcare task?

Btw I'm not being goady...I'm actually thinking about myself! Was trying to potty train my 2 year old this week...disaster...am thinking nursery will help with this. But if he's spending most of his learning to use the potty at nursery rather than with me am I outsourcing my parenting? Or is it still simply childcare. Genuinely confused and would be interested in (polite) debate on that

I do honestly wonder if the WOH partners of some of the SAHPs on this thread realise that their partners do not see them as making any contribution to parenting when they're out earning to support the family.

I do judge those who chose not to work

@TheKeatingFive I think that's the sort of comment that a poster has just made which makes sahp feel they have no 'standing in society' as @DogsAreHardWorkButWorthIt stated.

Do nurseries take on the bulk of potty training? DD was potty trained by me within a weekend. If they're ready, they get it quite quickly.

Working a 40 hour week while managing a family is hard work
Sahm is tough but nowhere near as hard especially if they are school age all that free time

I wish i could afford to stay at home however I can't

Thing is though tomorrow will be the weekend -I.e my time off and I’ll be looking after the children, doing household jobs etc. Most working parents wouldn’t say they were working on their days off when they have the children.

@Dustyhedge

Thing is though tomorrow will be the weekend -I.e my time off and I’ll be looking after the children, doing household jobs etc. Most working parents wouldn’t say they were working on their days off when they have the children.

Very true. Weekends have always been the easy bit, even with tiny dc.

I don't think there is anything inherently difficult about looking after young children (assuming no disabilities etc). I think the main thing that SAHPs probably struggle with is the relentlessness of it.

Yes he's probably not ready. I've stopped for now.
My other child got the concept really quickly but it needed reinforcing constantly for months so I assumed it might be similar. So I was assuming as when I go back to work he will be in nursery most of the week they might end up doing 'the bulk'. But I suppose it depends how he is with it when he's ready

I think what I was trying to say in a clumsy way is do you think some elements of 'childcare' also border on 'parenting'? Is potty training childcare or parenting?

Honestly - a few kids - neurotypical kids/ no significant health problems- you can work.

Throw in some complications with children’s health - it becomes a lot more difficult. Don’t underestimate how difficult that can make it to fulfil your own ambitions.

I’d really like to be a Doctor again. But not going to happen, because of the lack of back up from NHS/ society. Someone has to look after my children - don’t they?

Maybe stop judging and get on with your own, very fortunate, lives.

I don't think there is anything inherently difficult about looking after young children (assuming no disabilities etc). I think the main thing that SAHPs probably struggle with is the relentlessness of it. @AlexaShutUp
Yes I agree with that

@Sweak

Yes he's probably not ready. I've stopped for now. My other child got the concept really quickly but it needed reinforcing constantly for months so I assumed it might be similar. So I was assuming as when I go back to work he will be in nursery most of the week they might end up doing 'the bulk'. But I suppose it depends how he is with it when he's ready

I think what I was trying to say in a clumsy way is do you think some elements of 'childcare' also border on 'parenting'? Is potty training childcare or parenting?

Personally, I think the parenting bit is deciding when the child is ready, how to train them etc. Supporting that process might be part of childcare.

Definitely leave it for now, though. I can't see any benefit in early potty training. They are so quick to get it if you leave it till the right time! We didn't bother till dd was 3, but she got it within a weekend and only had a handful of accidents after that.

I’ve done both and holding down a job whilst juggling family life/ housework/ pick ups/ cooking etc is far more stressful when you’re working outside the home too. Being a SAHM was much easier and a walk in the park in comparison, although more lonely. I missed the adult interaction.

@AlexaShutUp yes that separation of parenting Vs childcare you've just described makes sense. Thank you.