In thinking being a SAHM is work?

[morepizza]

Work is defined as:

noun
noun: work; plural noun: works; plural noun: the works
1 1. 
activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result.

I think this includes SAH parental duties. I know a lot of people don't agree with me. What else would it be called?

YANBU

This comes up all the time on MN but never in RL.

YABU OP, it isn't work. And I've done both,. It's different being a SAHP and being an employee. It just is. And if I had to pick one, I'd say it's easier (more relentless possibly, more exhausting sometimes) being a SAHP. And I'm saying that as a single mum of 6.

Because I really didn't find being a SAHP difficult. Being a working parent is much harder. But then I am a single parent, so everything falls on me.
@Waxonwaxoff0

Yes for you working has been harder. I'm going to return to my point that it's going to vary for different people.

I do think a lot of it is going to have bearing on your job...I'm currently a sahm but I'm returning to teaching in Sept. I've no doubt that's going to be harder than staying at home with my kids. But maybe it would be easier to work if my job had low stress and no work to do at home and my kids where really really hard work.

I feel like lots of people on this thread are taking this idea of who works harder really personally.

By the definition given in the OP, just about everything you do could be defined as work. Going to the shops is work, cooking dinner for yourself is work, painting a picture, getting up to fetch the TV remote, cleaning your teeth...

I have two children, 11 months apart. When they were little, it could obviously be difficult, but it wasn't comparable to my job. When coming home from my job or when going to pick them up, I did not feel as though I was heading out to do a different sort of work, I was just looking after my children.

I think lifestyle choice is more accurate when describing SAHP.
The work a SAHP does is also done by working parents ON TOP of their paid employment, through which they are adding to society.
For the time a person is a SAHP, they are not actively contributing to society. Although this may change with future employment.
The investment into parenting the children involved is given by most, if not all, parents, whether or not they work.
I, for one, want my children to see me as a parent and well rounded person, who can contribute to my own personal develop, whilst parenting them AND contributing as an active member of society. Therefore I chose to work.

There’s no big mystery as to what it is. The discernible difference is that SAHPs provide the child care during whatever you consider working hours to be, whereas WOHPs outsource it. @TheKeatingFive

I don't disagree. I never said it was a mystery

But that’s the thing Sweak. Anyone who has kids knows what’s involved with being a SAHM. That’s what we did on maternity leave(s), what we do evenings, weekends and holidays. Absolutely accept that the baby and toddler years can be hard graft and thankless but the comparisons to paid jobs is silly as is the suggestion that it makes the kids of SAHMs better, happier or more successful adults.

@TheKeatingFive

As you have been a sahp then you know it's more than cooking tea and making appointments so I'm not too sure why you wrote that.

There’s no big mystery as to what it is. The discernible difference is that SAHPs provide the child care during whatever you consider working hours to be, whereas WOHPs outsource it.

But you still remain the parent all the time. Parenting on top of full time work is pretty tough, and most people can't afford to outsource all of the mundane tasks, so we end up doing those around our job.

I had 4 children under 6 at one stage. I know how hard it is. But it isn't work.

@Sweak

Because I really didn't find being a SAHP difficult. Being a working parent is much harder. But then I am a single parent, so everything falls on me. *@Waxonwaxoff0*

Yes for you working has been harder. I'm going to return to my point that it's going to vary for different people.

I do think a lot of it is going to have bearing on your job...I'm currently a sahm but I'm returning to teaching in Sept. I've no doubt that's going to be harder than staying at home with my kids. But maybe it would be easier to work if my job had low stress and no work to do at home and my kids where really really hard work.

I feel like lots of people on this thread are taking this idea of who works harder really personally.

I think if we're just talking about the childcare aspect then it makes sense, but it's irritating when people go on about all the housework and admin they have to do as a SAHP. As if working parents don't have to do that too. Everyone does it, whether they have kids or not.

It’s called parenting. We all do it regardless of other employment. Some of us work full time, some part-time and some choose to not work at all. It’s raising your children.

But you still remain the parent all the time. Parenting on top of full time work is pretty tough, and most people can't afford to outsource all of the mundane tasks, so we end up doing those around our job

I totally agree.

think if we're just talking about the childcare aspect then it makes sense, but it's irritating when people go on about all the housework and admin they have to do as a SAHP. As if working parents don't have to do that too. Everyone does it, whether they have kids or not. @Waxonwaxoff0

Yes I think I agree with you. The only thing I would note is there is more cleaning when you are in your house rather than at work..but then you have more time in the home to do it.

comparisons to paid jobs is silly as is the suggestion that it makes the kids of SAHMs better, happier or more successful adults. @Snookie00

I agree. There's no need to compare to paid jobs and there is no evidence that staying at home with your kids makes them more successful in life

I’ve been SAH for 17 years. I’d say it’s a lifestyle choice. There are times when it was tough (eg when I had 4 under 8). There were years and years when I literally never went anywhere ever without at least one child in tow - and I do think the psychological / emotional resilience involved in that is something “people who go out to work” - ie “handsfree” - can’t fully appreciate.

Anyway all mine are teens now and my days are super-chilled for the most part. I’m not going to pretend otherwise!

@Lulalu

I’ve been SAH for 17 years. I’d say it’s a lifestyle choice. There are times when it was tough (eg when I had 4 under 8). There were years and years when I literally never went anywhere ever without at least one child in tow - and I do think the psychological / emotional resilience involved in that is something “people who go out to work” - ie “handsfree” - can’t fully appreciate.

Anyway all mine are teens now and my days are super-chilled for the most part. I’m not going to pretend otherwise!

I can appreciate going to work by myself, thats partly why I work part-time!

Joking aside, there is no easy answer as a parent. SAHP can be full on with preschoolers, bit easier at school age. No worrying about what to do if they're sent home sick etc, but being constantly available or attached to a child can be wearing.

Going to work has its benefits, but there is the constant juggling and trying to fit everything in, and the stress of calls from school/nursery where you need to drop everything and pick children up.

Ideally, we need to respect each others choices rather than getting into competitive tiredness.

For the time a person is a SAHP, they are not actively contributing to society. Although this may change with future employment.

I take issue with this having both been a SAHP and now as a working parent. When I was a SAHM, I volunteered at a community toddler group . A lot of mums (and some GPs/nannys) admitted they were glad we were doing messy craft/glitter/feathers/tissue/glue, or planting seeds etc at the group as they did not like doing that at home (and the clear up it entailed!)

I gave up the 2 hours the group was on, plus probably another 2 or 3 hours during the week to source materials and prepare it. I really enjoyed it (my paid job is creative) and I think the group itself (run solely by volunteers) was useful for mums and nannies(there was a waiting list to join).

Equally as working parent I am grateful to the current SAHMs who have picked my child up from school if I was delayed on my way home, who go into school to help with reading etc,who go on the school trips , who set up stalls to sell cakes and ice cream (I know working parents also do this, but a lot is SAHP)
Other SAHM I know have voluntary roles at school, for charities, some now doing covid vaccinations.
So I disagree that you are not actively contributing to society unless you are being paid.

@Pinuporc

For the time a person is a SAHP, they are not actively contributing to society. Although this may change with future employment.

I take issue with this having both been a SAHP and now as a working parent. When I was a SAHM, I volunteered at a community toddler group . A lot of mums (and some GPs/nannys) admitted they were glad we were doing messy craft/glitter/feathers/tissue/glue, or planting seeds etc at the group as they did not like doing that at home (and the clear up it entailed!)

I gave up the 2 hours the group was on, plus probably another 2 or 3 hours during the week to source materials and prepare it. I really enjoyed it (my paid job is creative) and I think the group itself (run solely by volunteers) was useful for mums and nannies(there was a waiting list to join).

Equally as working parent I am grateful to the current SAHMs who have picked my child up from school if I was delayed on my way home, who go into school to help with reading etc,who go on the school trips , who set up stalls to sell cakes and ice cream (I know working parents also do this, but a lot is SAHP)
Other SAHM I know have voluntary roles at school, for charities, some now doing covid vaccinations.
So I disagree that you are not actively contributing to society unless you are being paid.

That’s an odd response really? You’ve just confirmed what the poster said, by stating they are just contributing if they do other things. But wrote it like you were disagreeing.

Anyway I can honestly say, although I worked, I still had my maternity leave and obvs holidays,evenings, weekends and I never ever felt being with my child was work. I understand plenty of women do. But for me, It was not work.

The previous poster said a SAHP is not actively contributing to society.....I disagreed

I think is possible that SAHP do contribute to society.

@Pinuporc

The previous poster said a SAHP is not actively contributing to society.....I disagreed

I think is possible that SAHP do contribute to society.

Yeah but by your own admission basically, simply being SAHP doesn't unless they do stuff around like vokunteering or helping others. That's what the pp meant.

Volunteering is obviously contributing to society, but it isn't an integral part of being a SAHP. It's just something that some SAHPs do on top of their SAHP role, just as many WOHPs also do.

What is the definition of work?

It's work. I chose to look after my own child instead of paying someone else to do it.

That’s what I think. If I was doing the same job looking after someone else’s child it would be a respectable paid job. Because I’ve looked after my own children I have no standing in society.

I get some people manage two jobs, but they often employ people to look after the house and or kids in order to facilitate their career.

I’m fed up with some people pretending they do it all. It’s not possible to do everything- and I’m fed up being rubbished for giving up my career to be at home.

I could have kept working as a Dr, but my kids developed illnesses, and it was better for them that I was available all the time.
But - that choice is still rubbished by others

However if I was a paid carer of kids with autism that would be acceptable in the eyes of others. The world makes no sense anymore.

Because I’ve looked after my own children I have no standing in society.

What are you actually looking for though? I’m not sure I understand this.

I get some people manage two jobs, but they often employ people to look after the house and or kids in order to facilitate their career.

The vast majority have childcare provision during working hours and that’s it.

@DogsAreHardWorkButWorthIt
That’s what I think. If I was doing the same job looking after someone else’s child it would be a respectable paid job. Because I’ve looked after my own children I have no standing in society.

I agree. Although this is more of an issue on MN than RL I think.

I’m fed up with some people pretending they do it all. It’s not possible to do everything- and I’m fed up being rubbished for giving up my career to be at home.

Completely agree on this one. It's not possible to do it all! And I say that as someone who has literally just arranged my youngest child's nursery place so I can return to work...I accept I'm not doing it all...yet plenty on this thread can't seem to.

Do what's best for you and your family.