In thinking being a SAHM is work?

[morepizza]

Work is defined as:

noun
noun: work; plural noun: works; plural noun: the works
1 1. 
activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result.

I think this includes SAH parental duties. I know a lot of people don't agree with me. What else would it be called?

Again I'm going to question why there needs to be a competition between who has it hardest.

Again I'm going to point out that it's impossible to answer anyway as it's going to depend on individual circumstance.

Eg: how much help you have from family, how 'easy' your children are, if working what kind of job you have and it's stress levels, how much money there is in the household

If you've been both I still don't think you can give a definitive answer as you can only say for yourself what was easier

You have to perform all the duties of nanny, cook, nutritionist, chauffeur, teacher, nurse and sewage worker (to name but a few)

Please name some more because I think it’s hilarious when these lists appear. Nutritionist is new one.

"SAHM is important but I find it irritating when some SAHMs claim it’s just as hard and stressful as working AND being a parent."

On average it won't be but when comparing 2 particular individuals overall "hard work and stress" It can be true.

I’d love to be a SAHP (presuming I won the lottery!) but presume a lot of stuff that either doesn’t get done now or is outsourced would start being done by me. Plus DD is school aged so totally different kettle of fish to doing it with a baby (which would be sooo hard from what I recall of maternity leave).

@Sweak

Again I'm going to question why there needs to be a competition between who has it hardest.

Again I'm going to point out that it's impossible to answer anyway as it's going to depend on individual circumstance.

Eg: how much help you have from family, how 'easy' your children are, if working what kind of job you have and it's stress levels, how much money there is in the household

If you've been both I still don't think you can give a definitive answer as you can only say for yourself what was easier

Precisely. And even if someone else could have identical kids or job, you'd still both handle it differently and possibly find different things hard or easy

It is work, it is a job, and it is a hard one at that. The days when I have both my kids are absolutely exhausting and I’m only 33! The job I get paid for is much easier. But not all jobs are equal - I have a desk based job which is infinitely easier than many other jobs.

I definitely don’t do everything that a SAHM does either. My house is a mess, I very rarely do any educational stuff with my 3 year old. I’m grateful preschool does that

It’s work but it isn’t a job or a career
That’s precisely what makes it so miserable and depressing. You work but you get no reward or progression, and it’s mind numbing.

You have to perform all the duties of nanny, cook, nutritionist, chauffeur, teacher, nurse and sewage worker (to name but a few)

Also I think it’s maybe some duties, not all of them surely? Do also write school reports, give vaccinations and climb down man holes regularly? If so I’ll eat my words and say being a SAHM is the hardest of jobs and that back when I was one I must have been doing it completely wrong.

It’s so pointless comparing who’s got it harder.

A SAHM with three under 5s with SEN and no family support is going to have a tougher time than someone who has a relatively stress-free job. A SAHM with one ‘easy’ toddler, a supportive DH, hands-on family and a cleaner is likely less stressed than someone in a stressful job with a long commute and kids/house to sort out after a long day.

I dislike when SAHPs say it's a 24/7 job. All parenting is a 24/7 job!

When WOHPs get home from work, they parent their kids. It's not like they turn to the kids and say "Sorry about tea, I'm off the clock since 5".
When my child wakes at 3am and doesn't settle until 5am, it's me that looks after her; I can't call her nursery key worker! And I still need to be up at 6am to go to work and nobody at my work will care that I was up for 2 hours during the night.

I'm not trying to say that one side has it harder than the other; I just don't like the inference that only SAHPs are oncall to their children 24 hours a day.

Yes, if course it's work, but because it's unpaid work it has zero value in today's society.

I’m sorry but this is total bollocks and is why many wohm parents think this sort of hyperbole is hilarious.

‘Hmm. Let me think... You have to perform all the duties of nanny, cook, nutritionist, chauffeur, teacher, nurse and sewage worker (to name but a few), but without the salary or status afforded to any of them. On top of this you have 24/7 life-or death responsibility for your children, yet you get no recognition, no employment rights, and no time off even if you're ill.’

Cook- most parents don’t have catering qualifications. Working in a restaurant will be significantly more demanding than preparing lunch for a toddler.

Nutritionist- Basically this is in uncertified role but I hardly think deciding what to feed your kids is the same as a dietician working in the NHS who is highly qualified.

Chauffeur- doing the school run doesn’t really count as work and is something most people seem to manage without pretending it is the same as driving all day for work.

Sewage worker- er what!

Nurse- giving your child Calpol is in no way the same as being a nurse. Now some carers of very ill children might be getting close to a nursing role but this is not typical.

Teacher- again what rot. As a working parent I do lots of reading or writing with my children. Doesn’t mean I’m anywhere close to doing a teaching role.

I'm sure people only say the duties of teacher, nurse thing to wind people up.

Of course it's 'work' but it's not a paid job (unless you're paying someone else to do it) Can be very hard work.

having to fit in all the things SAHM’s do.

You don't fit in all the childcare though. Otherwise nurseries would be empty.

Parents don't do or even have to do all the same things so it is impossible to compare.

@Moonface123

Yes, if course it's work, but because it's unpaid work it has zero value in today's society.

Makes me sad that no values mothers' (and it is mainly mothers') time and contribution to family and society.

Even other women don't value what sahms do.

It's bloody hard work is what it is.

Parenting is an occupation but its not exclusive to stay at home parents. Parents that have paid employment also parent as an occupation. It involves work but isn't a job.

I absolutely believe it's work. When people ask me what I do for work I say I'm a mum. Or I say I'm a cleaner or a chauffeur or a project manager if I'm feeling cheeky. My feminist side gets agged if anyone says its anything other than a job or work

nombredechange I’m not sure if that’s true though. I think within a family (and broader society) there can be huge value in having a sahp. I’m incredibly grateful to the parents that are able to help with reading, trips etc at school. I suspect many children with a sahp are happier as well. Those are all really positive reasons to stay at home.

But.. I think it is silly to try and pretend it is so much harder than most other jobs or harder than juggling work and home especially at school age. Many working parents are part time so can directly compare what their days are like at home versus working. The debate always seems to be polarised between sahm or working full time. In reality there is a broad spectrum of working patterns and lifestyles.

Makes me sad that no values mothers' (and it is mainly mothers') time and contribution to family and society

Do parents really have children to contribute to society?

Not all children will go onto being adults who contribute to society and raise taxes.

If I didn’t work I’d be making no contribution to the family as parenting and household tasks would still need to be done regardless of working or not. Opting out of work usually means no financial contribution so that wouldn’t benefit my family as lack of a second salary would make is worse off.

Why should anybody but their families value SAHM's. Don't get it. Sorry.,

Completely agree - but because mostly women do it men have got away with not paying for it, and labelling it not work
I spent 2 years as a SAHM and barely stayed sane - harder work than any job I ever did tbh

"Not all children will go onto being adults who contribute to society and raise taxes."

And?