In thinking being a SAHM is work?

[morepizza]

Work is defined as:

noun
noun: work; plural noun: works; plural noun: the works
1 1. 
activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result.

I think this includes SAH parental duties. I know a lot of people don't agree with me. What else would it be called?

@Shirleyphallus

It’s work but it isn’t a job or a career. It’s also a real luxury to be able to dick around from home looking after children than the mental graft of a proper job

Dick around? My 5 month old barely allows me to eat and use the loo. Not sure if I can describe it as a luxury either.

@Snookie00

Working mums are aware of the tasks involved with young children as that’s what we do in our non-working time. Who do SAHMs think looks after our children during evenings, weekends and holidays (assuming a typical 9-5 working pattern) ?

Totally accept that having pre-schoolers at home all the time is a drudge but people seem vested in making it out to be the hardest job in the world which it clearly isn’t. Most women take at least 9 months maternity leave per child, most kids go to nursery part time from 3 and then start school at 4. Perhaps many posters on this thread are the tiny time period where it seems all-encompassing but then you get out the other side and realise that a lot of the pressure is self-induced. The expression that work expands to fit the time that you have to do it is very apt. Easy to angst and spend ages on trivia when you don’t have anything else to do.

Yes true. And to all the SAHM accusing working mums of being ‘part time mums’ - where do they draw the line for themselves when the kids start school?

Of course it’s work. Work doesn’t always equal pay, some people volunteer after all. Being a SAHP is exhausting, I think many people agree it’s tougher than going to work.

@Intercity225

The expression that work expands to fit the time that you have to do it is very apt. Easy to angst and spend ages on trivia when you don’t have anything else to do.

I totally agree with MildredPuppy, that making sure the toddler learns concepts like their colours, shapes, numbers, letters, etc; working on their table top activities to improve concentration and fine motor skills and taking them to activities to practise social skills (ie scaffolding child development ready for school) is not trivia, because you don't have anything else to do!

Outsourcing baby care may be a thing now; but when mine were little, there were a few women, who sent their child to nursery, because they worked full time; but the majority of the women around me, looked after their children full time, until probably secondary school - nobody dreamt of sending the baby to nursery for me time.

I am 40. Mum was a housewife. Like alot of the other local housewives of that era she only ever changed my nappies for poos (so maybe once or twice max), only fed us three times a day, used to leave us in a room to entertain ourselves while she focussed on chores. If there were older siblinge then there would often be no childcare at all as the older siblings did it everything around school. So in fact the women who ‘outsourced’ childcare probably gave their kids a much happier childhood during that time.

that making sure the toddler learns concepts like their colours, shapes, numbers, letters, etc; working on their table top activities to improve concentration and fine motor skills and taking them to activities to practise social skills (ie scaffolding child development ready for school) is not trivia

It’s not trivia, no.

But it is something that WAHP also find the time to do.

Yes true. And to all the SAHM accusing working mums of being ‘part time mums’ - where do they draw the line for themselves when the kids start school?

Who has said that on this thread? I'm a sahm (but returning to work very soon..got a job lined up) and I've always hated the term 'full time mummy'. Sahm is a much more accurate description. Obviously no one is a 'part time mum' that's impossible

* that making sure the toddler learns concepts like their colours, shapes, numbers, letters, etc; working on their table top activities to improve concentration and fine motor skills and taking them to activities to practise social skills (ie scaffolding child development ready for school) is not trivia*

Even many nurseries don’t really attempt this until 3. It’s all focussed on play beforehand and if the kids learn something it’s great but it’s not our priority for them to say it. They just need to recognise that they are different and point and say the bare minimum of words required by the early years curriculum we follow. If they know how to say letters, numbers, colours, shapes before 3, or are potty trained, it’s usually because parents have worked on it with them.

See I think being a SAHP is just that, being parent. It doesn't mean juggling washing, shopping, cleaning, cooking etc etc as well as looking after your children.
I think this is why a lot of stay at home parents do feel exhausted and like it's harder than work, as a lot of times the other parent doesn't think that they have to do these things as their partner is at home all day doing 'nothing', whereas if they were both working they would probably do more.
I don't think it's a job though.

Mum was a housewife. Like alot of the other local housewives of that era she only ever changed my nappies for poos (so maybe once or twice max), only fed us three times a day, used to leave us in a room to entertain ourselves while she focussed on chores. If there were older siblinge then there would often be no childcare at all as the older siblings did it everything around school. So in fact the women who ‘outsourced’ childcare probably gave their kids a much happier childhood during that time.

That was my mother's generation, not mine, but I am not your age either. Where I live, mothers were mainly graduate professionals who put all the skills they had acquired through uni and their career into their children - like primary school teachers, health visitors, speech therapists, physios, nurses, lots of accountants and lawyers....I only knew two, who went back to work full time after maternity leave, and both gave up when their children started school to become full time SAHMs.

Shirleyphallus
It’s work but it isn’t a job or a career. It’s also a real luxury to be able to dick around from home looking after children than the mental graft of a proper job

@Shirleyphallus I take it you either don't have kids or you are a really shit parent.

@Intercity225

The expression that work expands to fit the time that you have to do it is very apt. Easy to angst and spend ages on trivia when you don’t have anything else to do.

I totally agree with MildredPuppy, that making sure the toddler learns concepts like their colours, shapes, numbers, letters, etc; working on their table top activities to improve concentration and fine motor skills and taking them to activities to practise social skills (ie scaffolding child development ready for school) is not trivia, because you don't have anything else to do!

Outsourcing baby care may be a thing now; but when mine were little, there were a few women, who sent their child to nursery, because they worked full time; but the majority of the women around me, looked after their children full time, until probably secondary school - nobody dreamt of sending the baby to nursery for me time.

Do you honestly think that working mums don’t teach their kids colours and just outsource every aspect of their development to nursery staff? All the items on your list is what any good parent does albeit you’ve written it in a way that makes it look as complicated as possible. Scaffolding child development ready for school?….

Most kids now (working parents or otherwise) go to nursery for at least a few hours a day from the age of 3. You might think that not sending them makes you supermum but you’ll find that there is no discernable difference between kids who go to nursery full or part time and the ones which have a micro managing “momager” at home.

It’s not a job. Yes it’s work, but it doesn’t compare to actually having a job yet still having to fit in all the things SAHM’s do. And I only work part time! Goodness knows how mums that work full time do it. (Not excluding dads obvs, but in most cases the mum bears the brunt of all the childcare and associated jobs).
Tbh I think whatever time is available to us we fill, and we can adapt to do more or less. I am envious though of those who are SAHM’s - I would love to have more time to get on top of stuff and do it all better.

I was a SAHM years ago, but that encompassed me doing mostly everything at home, as in all the DIY, as in decorating and woodwork things. Then gardening projects etc, I did gardening and painting for a couple of neighbours as well. But I liked doing all this stuff. My two small children could get involved with little things when they weren't at school. I am sure that my late Husband was pleased, that I saved him some money on house jobs. as he was a bit of a workaholic,and sometimes away on business at times.

Can only assume they’ve not had children.
Mine are almost adults and it’s still work. I’ve always had full-time work or study on top except for the very precious couple of years I had with them when they were very little. I feel like it’s been the best paid job ever now though because they are absolutely delightful and a real credit to anyone who has the good fortune to know them (although when we were utterly broke and I was up all day and night I didn’t always feel this way)
Each to their own, we all have different ways of doing things, but the mental graft of being a parent is rarely challenged by a good one! Peace and love all

Being a SAHM is a huge responsibility but can not compare with going out to work. A SAHM chooses her own workload and does the job as well or as badly as she chooses. You can’t do that when you’re going out to work. Thousands of women do both jobs.
SAHM is important but I find it irritating when some SAHMs claim it’s just as hard and stressful as working AND being a parent.

Being a nanny is work
Being a housekeeper is work
Being a chef is work

Being a SAHP is work because it involves all of the above and more.

Hmm. Let me think... You have to perform all the duties of nanny, cook, nutritionist, chauffeur, teacher, nurse and sewage worker (to name but a few), but without the salary or status afforded to any of them. On top of this you have 24/7 life-or death responsibility for your children, yet you get no recognition, no employment rights, and no time off even if you're ill.

If this doesn't count as work, I'm the Queen of Sheba!

Being a SAHP is definitely full-time work. Going back to work (and I have a demanding career) was easy and relaxing compared to the relentlessness of full time childcare.

@Lamaitresse

It’s not a job. Yes it’s work, but it doesn’t compare to actually having a job yet still having to fit in all the things SAHM’s do. And I only work part time! Goodness knows how mums that work full time do it. (Not excluding dads obvs, but in most cases the mum bears the brunt of all the childcare and associated jobs). Tbh I think whatever time is available to us we fill, and we can adapt to do more or less. I am envious though of those who are SAHM’s - I would love to have more time to get on top of stuff and do it all better.

Well you don't fit in all the things SAHPs do, that's the whole point unless as per pandemic you're working from home with no childcare. Then you're properly doing it hard core!

But on the days you're at work how many meals do your childcare provide? How many nappies or toilet visits? How much mess are you tidying up? I wouldn't have nearly as much work to do if we were put the house with childcare several days a week.

But I still don't consider myself to have a job, the hardest work in the world or to be a "full-time mama bear"

Of course it's work, but so is working 2 jobs and still having to do all that work when I get home. SAHP have it easier, I'm sorry but I've done both and I wish I still had the luxury of being at home all day

I was a stay home mum for 7 years my god it was harder than any job I'd ever had, in fact it was harder than every job I'd ever had combined.

So yes it is definatly work!!

@ProfessionalWeirdo

Hmm. Let me think... You have to perform all the duties of nanny, cook, nutritionist, chauffeur, teacher, nurse and sewage worker (to name but a few), but without the salary or status afforded to any of them. On top of this you have 24/7 life-or death responsibility for your children, yet you get no recognition, no employment rights, and no time off even if you're ill.

If this doesn't count as work, I'm the Queen of Sheba!

Despite what I've said in my last post about the volume of child and house work, people with JOBS also care for their kids, feed them, try to not let it all be junk, take them places, teach them stuff, put plasters on and throw away their dirty nappies without the additional salary or status afforded to professionals doing those jobs.

No it's not work because working parents have to work and do all the parent/house duties. I was a SAHP for 5 years. It was much easier than being a working parent, hands down.

Being a SAHP to a newborn and toddler was utterly exhausting and relentless. It was MUCH harder than going to the office. I also did all the domestic chores, was sleep deprived and it was full on! However once both children were at school then being a SAHP was 100 x easier. I still did all the housework, school runs etc but everything seemed more manageable and relaxed. So being a SAHP can mean many different things. It can either be extremely hard work or it can be be a fairly easy life.

If you got a nanny to do it and they had to be on call 24hrs a day then they would definitely call it work. It would also cost you a lot.