In thinking being a SAHM is work?

[morepizza]

Work is defined as:

noun
noun: work; plural noun: works; plural noun: the works
1 1. 
activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result.

I think this includes SAH parental duties. I know a lot of people don't agree with me. What else would it be called?

It's not always 'hard work' though for every SAHM. I was a SAHM for a number of years (by choice) ... I didn't find it 'hard work' at all, maybe I was lucky in that my DS was very self sufficient, happy to play on his own, slept well, easy going, I could afford pre-school etc, I had plenty of time for my hobbies and interests, I spent very little time doing housework... I found it a really cushy time to be honest ... but I made a conscious decision to have an only child. So often SAHMs come on here complaining then you read that they have lots of children, numerous pets, grow their own veg etc etc .... all of those are 'choices'.

I work now ('only' in retail, to use the OP's expression ) and it much harder than being a SAHM.

@TankFlyBossW4lk indeed. If someone chooses to be a SAHM and is happy I think that’s great - but I think it’s a bit frustrating when some then fly the martyr flag, going on about how relentlessly busy they are doing everyday tasks that others do on top of their paid job and trying to convince others they work just as hard or harder than others in a physically and mentally demanding paid job, forgetting that those who do that job also have children to look after once they get home. It’s a bit tone deaf to say the least.
I work part time. Does that make me a part time SAHP? I refer to my days at home as my ‘days off’. I suppose I should refer to them as SAHP working days because technically I’m working incredibly hard (I’m not. Tomorrow I’m gonna sleep an extra hour at least, wake up to cuddles in bed with DS, watch some CBeebies, walk the dog, go food shopping, do a bit of painting or play some play doh, do some household chores, make lunch, watch a bit of tv while DS naps, play some more, walk dog again...) there are some SAHMs that will make a list like that and act as though it’s a really demanding day. It’s a busy day yes, but not difficult and certainly a fucking doddle compared to what I did for my paid work today.

It's work on the basis of that definition but you could also argue that by that definition so is walking up the stairs, going from one room to another to collect something so I don't that that is the best example you could use.
If someone has annoyed you by commentating on your choice that is really your issue. If just ignore them if you're happy in your situation, I wouldn't be going looking for definitions to justify your decision

Who honestly gives a fuck what other people do.

@June2021 well said, this thread is mud slinging from the OP's post onwards (include myself in that!).

I don’t think it is work. I worked and also looked after my DD when not working. Looking after her was the nice bit I looked forward to. It didn’t feel like a duty or work at all. It was part of my leisure time.

I was a SAHM for 5 years. It’s absolutely work and hard work. It’s not a job- with a job you get breaks and to go to the loo in peace!

@Mummadeze

I don’t think it is work. I worked and also looked after my DD when not working. Looking after her was the nice bit I looked forward to. It didn’t feel like a duty or work at all. It was part of my leisure time.

I never felt like this. I go to work for a rest, work is leisurely in comparison

@Eilethya best post by far.

There is a value to society of having sahps even if in my mind it is not work for many.

Now I’d say that anyone with 3 under 5 at home is not going to be having an easy time of it but a day with my 5yo now is not work. It is generally a pleasurable experience.

What was hard was looking after a 1 and 3 year old in lockdown while trying to fit in a demanding job. I can tell you now that had I been a sahm it would have been significantly easier given that I basically was a sahm while cramming in work at stupid hours of the day.

@Shirleyphallus I’ve only been a SAHM for a short amount of time (ie during Mat leave). But I’m under no illusion that being a SAHM is hard work: harder than some jobs. But many jobs are harder than other ls

@SweetPetrichor

Not a chance. Maybe back in the day, pre-modern appliances it was ‘work’ but now it’s not. It’s no hardship to do housework with washing machines, etc at your disposal. Being a SaHP is a luxury, and something that I’d deem to show lack of drive in the individual.

Well lack of drive or not, SAHP was preferable to 12 month old DS spending months in hospital without me and I then couldn't afford the kind of 121 child care he'd have needed. Not to mention who'd have taken him to all him appts?

And it's only a "luxury" of its a genuine choice. That isn't the case for many many parents, you're only showing your ignorance to not know that

Its very odd its become which is hardest or who does the most. I actually have two paid part time employments and one is harder than the other. It doesnt turn the easier one into not work.

Looking after pre-school children is a dull slog - no question. Us working mums know that as that’s what we do when we’re not at our paid job - evenings, weekends and holidays. We also try to fit in all the tasks like housework, shopping and the often mentioned life admin which is rolled out as a reason why a SAHM’s live is so hard. Once kids are in school, being a SAHM is a skive.

I don’t really care what choices others make and as long as the wage earner is on board with it then they can choose to spend their days as they please. It’s the “hardest job in the world” nonsense which makes people roll their eyes as all parents either working or not are bringing up their kids to hopefully be happy and productive adults.

I do agree there are large chunks of time to yourself but I certainly wasnt idle. Was juggling school runs and elder parents hospital stuff. So it depends. But mums of small kids would be on their toes.

That's only if you have a baby or toddler though. I have a school age child. So I'd say I do all the same things as a SAHP also with a school age child does, unless they are home educating.

Yes I was specifically thinking of pre school age children. However when my kids were primary school age I paid for holiday clubs while I went to work. During the hours I was working (and commuting) someone else was facilitating childcare, I wasnt doing the childcare for my own children, or the same as a SAHP who took their kids out for the day, or played with them at home.

@SweetPetrichor

Not a chance. Maybe back in the day, pre-modern appliances it was ‘work’ but now it’s not. It’s no hardship to do housework with washing machines, etc at your disposal. Being a SaHP is a luxury, and something that I’d deem to show lack of drive in the individual.

@Empanadas Bingo!

Can we also have a bonus point when someone inevitably tells all SAHM’s to get photocopies of the deeds to their house!

What does life admin entail? Always been curious when it's mentioned on these threads.

Life admin I would guess is booking car in for MOT, sorting out medical/dentist/optician etc apts, school admin, after school activity admin, insurance policies, getting trades people in when necessary etc?

What does life admin entail? Always been curious when it's mentioned on these threads.
Setting up direct debits for utility bills once. Booking dentist appointments twice a year. Car MOT annually. That’s FOUR things!!

Honestly though, why does anyone care what anyone else does with their time? Some SAHM’s might be run off their feet, working harder than they ever have before in an actual paying job whilst others might be going to the gym or having lunch with a friend but so what - why would you care about another families life choices?

I suspect that any negativity against SAHM’s or working mums comes from a place of insecurity and feeling the need to justify your personal choices.

I agree. It is bloody hard work, which is why I used to skip off to work in the morning!

You are aware of the fact that words can have multiple meanings, right?

Oxford dictionary first definition :
Work
the job that a person does especially in order to earn money
SYNONYMemployment

This is the definition that most people think about when they say that being a sahm is not work.

The definition you've chosen covers pretty much every activity, such as trying to have a conversation with DH (bloody hard work sometimes) or surviving Christmas Dinner with the in-laws.

If you're looking to validate your SAH choices, you can do better than choose a dictionary definition that suits you.

I’ve been off sick (on and off) for about a year and being at home with my children had been lonely, it’s certainly not ‘work’ in my eyes.

My actual work (as in my job) is really, really defining - both physically and mentally. It wears me out far more than being at hone with the children.

However, my children are 3 and 7 which means they are lovely ages and one of them is at school 5 days a week. I imagine if I had two children under 5 that I didn’t get a break from I would find life very, very draining.

It’s all about personal circumstances isn’t it really?

MrsWhites - damn I missed that one!

“Can we also have a bonus point when someone inevitably tells all SAHM’s to get photocopies of the deeds to their house!”

Yes. Also, “Have you thought about volunteering?”