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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

People complaining about ‘not’ being able to have a wedding

679 replies

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 15/06/2021 07:44

Am I the only person who’s getting a bit annoyed with all the people whining about ‘not’ being able to have a wedding?

They can get married and the limits of max 30 will go but guests have to socially distance, there will be limits on singing and you can’t have international guests.

Yes you can’t have 100 people hugging but people have always been allowed to get married throughout the pandemic.

There was a woman complaining on the press conference that she’s being prevented from moving on with her life? Another was saying not being able to get married is giving her mental health issues. How? She can still get married, it may not be the Insta wedding she expected but the legal bit can still happen. Have the party bit later.

I feel a lot more sorrow for people trying to organise funerals who can’t have all the guests they want.

OP posts:

InnaBun · 15/06/2021 09:30

@toomuchtooold

I feel a lot of sympathy for religious people, who won't live with each other till after they're married, and for whom getting married in a church with their community and family witnessing it is very much the point. I know I'm being snobby and judgemental in feeling less sympathy for people who wanted a big wedding for the look of the thing. But there we go.

That's a point. It would be good to hear from them on the news too. I think if the reporting of it went into more detail then there might be more sympathy and understanding from some people. I mean some people want to get married so they can get on and have sex and live together but there is no coverage of that.

ChequerBoard · 15/06/2021 09:31

@RosieGuacamosie

YANBU - the pandemic has distinguished between those who want to be married vs those who want to be a special princess centre of attention for the day.

This.

No reason why you can't have a small marriage ceremony now and plan to have a big party later on if that's what you want.

TH22 · 15/06/2021 09:31

@RosieGuacamosie

YANBU - the pandemic has distinguished between those who want to be married vs those who want to be a special princess centre of attention for the day.

This is a rude and horrible way of looking at it.

It's not about being a centre of attention Princess for the day. It's about celebrating with the people you love and care about.

There are so many (thousands) who have money tied into venues and vendors. Who booked their wedding pre-pandemic and planned and imagined their day a certain way. However, their venues and vendors (rightly or wrongly) may be refusing them the ability to alter their plans. So they're being forced to go ahead with their day, in a manor that they didn't wish nor want. But have no choice in the matter as they would lose thousands of pounds.

It's not as simple as saying 'just get married now, if you really love each other, that's all that matters blah blah'. No. For some people, they have paid out thousands of pounds for a day that is a half hashed job of what they imagined.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 15/06/2021 09:32

Why do we need to have a "good reason"

Why can't we just be sad we can't have the day we planned LIKE LITERALLY EVERY OTHER MARRIED COUPLE BEFORE COVID?

Oh no we have to be religious, or dying, or have a relative who is dying, we can't just want to get married in front of our friends and family like EVERYONE ELSE EVER because that isn't worthy enough, oh no. Selfish princesses we are.

MsTSwift · 15/06/2021 09:32

Urgh. So glad I am not the op your head must be a vile place to be 🙄. Awful person. What is wrong with you?

I feel so so sorry for anyone with wedding plans affected. Our wedding day and those of my two sisters were the best days ever bringing family together so memorable and lovely. On our anniversaries our parents play the videos and we talk about them and we have been married 17 years.

Op think of the thing that is most important to you. Then imagine it prevented. Do you not have any empathy?

TheKeatingFive · 15/06/2021 09:33

I think I'd understand it more if people on the news complaining explained it more from a "i'm worried my (insert relative here) will die before I get to have it"

I expect they said far more than was shown on TV, but the media want their story. I’m always shocked at how little people seem to understand how media reporting works.

bruffin · 15/06/2021 09:33

[quote Melitza]@TooOldandTired
Thank you.

I think what the pandemic has shown is how well the SS would have thrived in the UK (with the number of people reporting neighbours to the police) and how lacking in empathy the country is.

Your last sentenced really resonated with me. There are some nasty, officious people about.[/quote]
I certainly dont think this is more true of the uk than any other country. Mn does attract the worst in people, its really not that representative of my "world"

MsTSwift · 15/06/2021 09:34

Lovely couple in our road got married they just moved in so we don’t know them well but all of us came out and clapped as she got into her wedding car. Bet hardly anyone saw her beautiful dress 🙁

gurglebelly · 15/06/2021 09:34

[quote 21Flora]@Workyticket literally thousands of people got married last year. As I did.[/quote]
And many of us couldn't. I was one.

In our area the Registrars wouldn't even start taking bookings to give/change notice until mid July, they were running at a lead time of 6/8 weeks to get an appointment, notice is 4 weeks so the earliest anyone (that didn't already have a wedding booked) could book to get married was mid October. We went back into lockdown on 1st November and between then and mid April there was 1 WEEK where weddings were allowed (due to going into tier 4 in early December)

So it wasn't as easy as 'just get married' because where I am there were 3 whole weeks between March 2020 and mid April 2021 where people actually could!

(Obviously if people were lucky enough to have weddings pre-booked between July and 31st October they could still go ahead)

InnaBun · 15/06/2021 09:35

Getyourarseofffthequattro

I get that, I was just saying I think if the news focused on the reasons people were upset, like they couldn't start a family or someone might die or they want all their family there and it's hard to choose who to drop, or they are really stressed with planning it. Just a bit more detail than it might help people understand more. This thread has certainly helped me understand more why people are upset but I think the news is failing them and making some of them come across as just wanting a party without adding any colour to their lives.

InnaBun · 15/06/2021 09:36

@TheKeatingFive

I think I'd understand it more if people on the news complaining explained it more from a "i'm worried my (insert relative here) will die before I get to have it"

I expect they said far more than was shown on TV, but the media want their story. I’m always shocked at how little people seem to understand how media reporting works.

Yeah you might be on to something here, this thread has certainly opened my eyes more. The media are failing them.

Piccalino3 · 15/06/2021 09:36

I haven't read all the responses here but fuck me, there's some miserable gits on this thread. Really, some people can't understand why people are disappointed they can't have a wedding without masks, social distancing, dancing, singing and loved ones for abroad? Seriously. So what if someone wants a princess day - we don't get many of those in our lives do we.

Weddings are supposed to be a celebration, traditionally celebrations involve family, friends, drinking, dancing, singing and hugging. I feel so sorry for anyone trying to get married in this time, I really do.

I really need to drink my coffee before reading this board. Jeez.....

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 15/06/2021 09:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DragonDoor · 15/06/2021 09:37

It’s a ‘big day’ and some people will have been planning/ saving for years. There are not many special events where people can have their family and friends together like that.

In life, some people are more resilient than others, some people are more flexible and can adapt to change. Some people can worry and catastrophise. This is more to do with how they react to situations, rather than the actual situation at hand.

I very much feel for people who had weddings planned, and wouldn’t judge someone for expressing disappointment and concern about uncertainty. This past year and a half has been a hard time for everyone and we all cope with it in different ways.

gurglebelly · 15/06/2021 09:37

@InnaBun

TheKeatingFive fair point. I think I'd understand it more if people on the news complaining explained it more from a "i'm worried my (insert relative here) will die before I get to have it"

'Hey Grandma, I hope you saw me on the news, sorry I told them I was worried you might die before the wedding' 🤦‍♀️

InnaBun · 15/06/2021 09:37

Wow thanks, I am trying to be understanding

Annoymoususer · 15/06/2021 09:38

The the thing with death, you never know. A bit of a flippant statement to come away with, my death was very unlikely
The thing is we are all destined for death, so you are most certainly likely to die, when and how is not guarennteed

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 15/06/2021 09:38

@InnaBun

Wow thanks, I am trying to be understanding

I know you are, I don't think you're an out and out cunt, I think other people are. But I disagree with you that we should have to justify it. It's on them to be better people frankly.

InnaBun · 15/06/2021 09:39

gurglebelly they could interview someone in the wedding planning who could say people are worried about relatives not making it

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 15/06/2021 09:39

@Annoymoususer

The the thing with death, you never know. A bit of a flippant statement to come away with, my death was very unlikely The thing is we are all destined for death, so you are most certainly likely to die, when and how is not guarennteed

Statistically my death from covid was very unlikely. That's a fact, isn't it? It's not flippant.

Crinkle77 · 15/06/2021 09:39

People can still get married. What they mean is they can't have the big party.

InnaBun · 15/06/2021 09:40

Getyourarseofffthequattro the media could help them understand it by reporting it better.

DrSbaitso · 15/06/2021 09:40

@InnaBun

gurglebelly they could interview someone in the wedding planning who could say people are worried about relatives not making it

That wouldn't give posters on here the opportunity to be moralistic and superior about the whole thing. It wouldn't spark the same response.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 15/06/2021 09:41

@InnaBun

Getyourarseofffthequattro the media could help them understand it by reporting it better.

Yes, as with many things, but it won't happen. No money to be made in the truth.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 15/06/2021 09:42

@Crinkle77

People can still get married. What they mean is they can't have the big party.

Or have their family at the ceremony. I know that doesn't fit with the point you're trying to make which is why you missed it out but there you are.

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