People complaining about ‘not’ being able to have a wedding

[JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil]

Am I the only person who’s getting a bit annoyed with all the people whining about ‘not’ being able to have a wedding?

They can get married and the limits of max 30 will go but guests have to socially distance, there will be limits on singing and you can’t have international guests.

Yes you can’t have 100 people hugging but people have always been allowed to get married throughout the pandemic.

There was a woman complaining on the press conference that she’s being prevented from moving on with her life? Another was saying not being able to get married is giving her mental health issues. How? She can still get married, it may not be the Insta wedding she expected but the legal bit can still happen. Have the party bit later.

I feel a lot more sorrow for people trying to organise funerals who can’t have all the guests they want.

@LewishamMum

I agree OP. I was looking forward to going to a wedding last April, but the couple saw what was coming and did a teeny tiny wedding in March via Zoom. Must have been one of the first in the country to do it that way. Yes it was a shame, but they've been able to enjoy 16 months of married life throughout a difficult period. I think it would have been bonkers to do anything else frankly. And if they want a celebration of marriage party (possibly with retaking of vows etc), then everyone would still come. That's for them to decide in the future. It's about the marriage not the wedding. Could not agree with you more that it's rules on funerals that should be relaxed first.

Rules on funerals were relaxed first. Keep up.

People stop arguing, there is people who want big white weddings and there is people who like small weddings, you should all be grateful you are alive through the pandemic and you're loved ones are still here.

I know I'm being snobby and judgemental in feeling less sympathy for people who wanted a big wedding for the look of the thing.

Yes you’re being incredibly judgemental.

It didn’t occur to you that non religious people also want their family and community to celebrate with them? Are their feelings are somehow less valid because some big man in the sky hasn’t been brought into it?

@Annoymoususer

People stop arguing, there is people who want big white weddings and there is people who like small weddings, you should all be grateful you are alive through the pandemic and you're loved ones are still here.

Oh come on!

A) it's not just big weddings that were cancelled. Mine is not big by any stretch but it was still cancelled twice.

B) my death was never particularly likely tbh.

C) actually no, they're not and if we were allowed to get married when we planned to, they would have been. Hth.

I'm sick of nasty spiteful posts like this.

If you haven't experienced having your wedding cancelled yet then you have no idea how it feels. And yes my wedding was cancelled twice and neither time was our decision.

The post you were quoting wasn't nasty or spiteful. It was pragmatic and realistic, given the circumstances all us are in and none of us chose. It's the same for those of us who at any stage during the pandemic/lockdowns have needed to attend a funeral.

FWIW I may not be overly keen on weddings but I do fully understand people's disappointment and support your point. This has gone on long enough. It doesn't help that The Rules are entirely arbitrary. It must be beyond frustrating seeing others carrying on seemingly as normal, whilst the same old restrictions still apply to the thing that matters to you most.

It's been a bit like boiling frog syndrome up to now. The government have acclimatised us to this gradually and managed expectations very carefully. But people's livelihoods are going under. I don't believe the complacency will last.

YABU. Even before weddings went OTT and started costing thousands, they've typically been about getting the extended family and friends together and having a big party.

My mother and father were married in a village hall in Scotland. My grandmother catered it herself, with a few cousins roped in to help. Unlimited food and alcohol (provided by the entire family). Scottish country dancing. Not much else... homemade wedding dress, homemade bridesmaid dresses and the only decorations were flowers. But practically the whole village was invited.

Yes, weddings have become more lavish and more expensive but it has nothing to with the number of guests. If anything, weddings are smaller nowadays. Someone is not a "princess bride" because they want to celebrate with all their friends and family.

We've been locked away in our houses with our immediate family for so long now that I think some of us have forgotten how much joy there is to be had in interacting with other people.

I can't wait for communal life to resume... not just weddings but meetings and conferences, attending festivals and concerts, going to the theatre, carol concerts... all the things which make us aware that we're part of a wider community.

YANBU. I agree even though I wouldn't volunteer that opinion openly to someone who had been disappointed about their own wedding, as that would be cruel. People are entitled to feel disappointed and upset about it.

But you wanted to get married during the pandemic, then chances are you would have been able to. The waiting lists for register offices are long in many places but I don't know anyone who wanted to marry during the pandemic that hasn't been unable to.

A wedding is a completely different thing and imo it feels a bit tone deaf to complain you've not been able to throw a big social event during the pandemic, when people have been literally unable to sit with their loved ones as they die. I'm not saying they're wrong to feel aggrieved and upset about it, but I do think it's callous to make a song and dance about it.

If you've been prevented from getting married then I have every sympathy, marriage is important to many people before TTC for example or for legal reasons, wanting to make sure you're family in the eyes of the law and government in case something happens to either of you. But not being able to have the wedding you want or a wedding in general is really, very different.

I think this has shown a lot of people something that the wedding industry doesn't want you to know: getting married and having a wedding aren't the same thing.

I know I'm being snobby and judgemental in feeling less sympathy for people who wanted a big wedding for the look of the thing.

Your self awareness is refreshing.

it may not be the Insta wedding she expected

Because nobody had big celebratory wedding parties before social media?

Some people have always dreamed of what their wedding day would be. It’s a bit shit not to understand how this might impact on them. Sure it’s not the worst thing folk have experienced during the pandemic, but that doesn’t mean it is easy for others to brush off.

@Workyticket literally thousands of people got married last year. As I did.

Should have said 'that hasn't been able to'*

[quote 21Flora]@Workyticket literally thousands of people got married last year. As I did.[/quote]
Some of us literally couldn't. Do you think we're making it up or?

I can't wait for communal life to resume... not just weddings but meetings and conferences, attending festivals and concerts, going to the theatre, carol concerts... all the things which make us aware that we're part of a wider community.

Amen. Conferences, festivals and the theatre are all sorely missed by me.

[quote 21Flora]@Workyticket literally thousands of people got married last year. As I did.[/quote]
Bully for you. Fuck us who couldnt though eh?

This sort of post is typical of the bitter and joyless tripe that I have come to hate about MN.

Weddings are a joyous celebration of love, family and friends. DH and I have some of the most incredible memories of our day and I for one feel so sorry for those couples who have had to put their dream day on hold. Wanting a gorgeous big wedding, where all of your family and friends can attend and watch you declare your love to the most important person in your life is a totally reasonable desire. And wanting that doesn't mean that being a 'princess for the day' is more important than marriage itself. Being fortunate enough to have a 'big wedding' was just a bonus for us, the marriage is WAY MORE important than the wedding, but the wedding was an amazing day and I feel so lucky that we didn't have all this crap to deal with beforehand.

Stop being so sour.

Have you ever considered it's because they want ALL their loved ones there and not have to pick between then all?

Spare a thought for those who had to pick between loved ones for a funeral. A wedding can take place at a later date. A funeral can't.

@DrSbaitso

I know I'm being snobby and judgemental in feeling less sympathy for people who wanted a big wedding for the look of the thing.

Your self awareness is refreshing.

TheKeatingFive fair point. I think I'd understand it more if people on the news complaining explained it more from a "i'm worried my (insert relative here) will die before I get to have it"

There really is a sliding scale between couple who "just want to be married" and "someone who wants to be centre of attention and a princess for he day".

And really the vast majority of people fall in the middle and want to have a party and to see friends and family. They want marry in front of loved ones, that's the whole point of it, you really don't need to be a psychologist or anthropologist to understand the importance of ceremony.

A wedding is a completely different thing and imo it feels a bit tone deaf to complain you've not been able to throw a big social event during the pandemic, when people have been literally unable to sit with their loved ones as they die.

I'm really uncomfortable with exploiting Covid deaths to make some superior point about weddings. Of course loss of life is the very worst thing about it, no question. But the pandemic has affected many things and I don't think people should be made to feel guilty for discussing those too. It's disingenuous and quite bad taste to try to imply that someone who talks to the news about their wedding must clearly not give a shit about bereavements. Would you say this to a Jewish boy who's missing out on his bar mitzvah party?

For all the "bitches went on the news" sneering, there are plenty of people who are happy to use this website as their outlet for their feelings about the whole thing. Would you have refused to respond if the reporters asked you how you felt about the reaction to the wedding restrictions?

@Bluesheep8

Have you ever considered it's because they want ALL their loved ones there and not have to pick between then all?

Spare a thought for those who had to pick between loved ones for a funeral. A wedding can take place at a later date. A funeral can't.

Just because I care about weddings doesn't mean I don't care about funerals. I wholeheartedly believe limiting funerals was wrong but I doesn't negate the issues experienced by people getting married.

I'm sick of the "you cant be sad because people are dying" rhetoric. They aren't mutually exclusive. You can be sad about both.

We were originally 80, then down to 30 due to Covid, then the week before...15. We couldn’t postpone, had date moved once already and had ivf arranged so went ahead. It was honestly a lovely day and showed what fantastic friends and family we had as didn’t have to ‘disinvite’ anyone, they all sorted it amongst themselves and texted us to tell us who was coming. We had thought of doing a big party on our 1st anniversary but now baby is coming, we can think of better things to spend the money on. Lots of people did get married during the restrictions including Boris. It’s not for everyone but for those that can, you make the most of it and adjust. For us it wasn’t worth waiting another year or 2 for the wedding of 80 we had originally planned

In recent years, it's become badge of honour to have the smallest / cheapest possible wedding ("we had beans on toast in a tent and everyone said it was the best wedding ever"), but not everyone wants that. I feel sorry for them, but at least they have the option of a wedding party celebration later on

My real sympathy is for funerals

The MN snobbishness about weddings is so tiring. It doesn’t make you a better person to have a small wedding.

Having a big party and looking forward to celebrating with all your friends and family is absolutely fine too. It’s fine to be sad about not having that.

Why do people who ‘chose’ to have no friends or extended family at the wedding to consider themselves vastly superior to those who chose to invite their friends?

Why is it considered lesser to have a big party? Just think about all the small businesses that are helped when someone had a wedding.