People complaining about ‘not’ being able to have a wedding

[JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil]

Am I the only person who’s getting a bit annoyed with all the people whining about ‘not’ being able to have a wedding?

They can get married and the limits of max 30 will go but guests have to socially distance, there will be limits on singing and you can’t have international guests.

Yes you can’t have 100 people hugging but people have always been allowed to get married throughout the pandemic.

There was a woman complaining on the press conference that she’s being prevented from moving on with her life? Another was saying not being able to get married is giving her mental health issues. How? She can still get married, it may not be the Insta wedding she expected but the legal bit can still happen. Have the party bit later.

I feel a lot more sorrow for people trying to organise funerals who can’t have all the guests they want.

I feel sorry for them and I'm one of those people who eloped and doesn't really like weddings. YABU. Sick of all this spiteful bitter racing to the bottom.

We arranged to meet outside the registry office with a couple of friends.
It was during our lunch break from our various jobs.
Got married and went back to work.
It was a long happy marriage, I've never regretted it or felt I had missed out on anything.
We had a party a few weeks later for everyone.

This is why the UK. will never exit the cycle of lockdowns.

People putting up with this shit is the reason we'll never exit these ridiculous restrictions.

It was a long happy marriage, I've never regretted it or felt I had missed out on anything.

Well that’s wonderful.

It’s never occurred to you, however, that other people want something different?

OP, you are looking at this from an objective point of view. However, being in the middle of it doesn't give you that view.

When I got married, we had a big wedding - that's what I wanted and I loved it. 25 years on and my priorities have changed. I'd actually see Covid restrictions as a good thing if I was getting married now, but that's with the benefit of experience and where my life is now. I'd see this as an opportunity to only invite the people I'd really want there and not who we felt we had to have there. I'd also keep it simple and low-key. However, if I got married now, my Dad wouldn't be there to give me away, etc. so it's mixed emotions!

I think the expectations of families and friends play a big part in how people feel - not wanting to exclude anyone, etc. You can blame people for feeling upset that one of the most important days of their lives is postponed because of venue, or severely restricted!

@44to852

This is why the UK. will never exit the cycle of lockdowns.

Is it bollocks.

Why does this need to be such a race to fucking misery central?

COVID has pulled the rug under every aspect of our lives, and people are allowed to be upset about ANY of those, regardless of how trivial you may personally find it.

Weddings matter a lot to people, whether that's a big wedding or not. Those posters going "oh, it's only a wedding" could maybe just STFU and grow some empathy rather than being smug cunts. Just a thought.

I feel sorry for them personally and I had a small wedding. It’s the fact they can’t dance, can’t have a band and are expected to socially distance, it must just be quite soulless.

Weddings are a big deal to a lot of people, it isn’t difficult to understand why it’s upsetting.

@FirewomanSam

Yep same reason why nobody has responded when we've said we literally couldn't get married because we couldn't book in with the register office.

Did you also have the world and his wife repeatedly telling you to ‘just get married, the marriage is what’s important’ while you were literally banned by law from getting married?! Because I did and I swear I had murderous thoughts!

I did, it was constant and so utterly utterly patronising and ignorant (like a lot of the posters on this thread!) that I wanted to punch them in the face.

@CornishGem1975 no, sorry but a wedding isn't the same level as a funeral. You can get married as many times as you want, renew vows etc. A funeral you get one chance.
I suppose having been married and realising that actually it's a a waste of money and then losing my mum and not being able to grieve properly puts things into perspective.

And only being allowed 6 people at a funeral was heartbreaking. Close family members not allowed to attend. The grief process, not allowed to take place, is incredibly damaging.

[quote bunburyscucumbersandwich]@CornishGem1975 no, sorry but a wedding isn't the same level as a funeral. You can get married as many times as you want, renew vows etc. A funeral you get one chance.
I suppose having been married and realising that actually it's a a waste of money and then losing my mum and not being able to grieve properly puts things into perspective. [/quote]
Why do you think it's a competition?

I’m really sorry for your loss @bunburyscucumbersandwich - I have friends going through the same and you’re right, it feels utterly wrong and damaging not to be able to grieve together.

But in a different way for many people it also feels utterly wrong not to be able to collect your close family and friends together to celebrate your wedding. We plan to be married for life and only do this once. No one else in my family is likely to marry for years and years if ever, by which time many older people may not be here. I hope you and your family have precious memories with your mum some of which are probably at birthdays or weddings or other celebrations. It’s not about saying weddings are more important and funerals, it’s acknowledging that rites of passage are something many people prefer to go through or organise for a large supportive group of loved ones.

@bunburyscucumbersandwich

And only being allowed 6 people at a funeral was heartbreaking. Close family members not allowed to attend. The grief process, not allowed to take place, is incredibly damaging.

It doesn’t have to be a race to the bottom.

For BIL not being able to marry before FIL died was heartbreaking. He wanted his Dad at his wedding. That’s not Princessy or ridiculous.

Lots of things are heartbreaking and damaging, not least people determinedly discounting other people’s upset as irrelevant or ridiculous.

People saying that the ceremony is all that matters and the party/reception etc is just “unnecessary window dressing” are completely missing the point. By that logic we could say “food is just basic nutrition so all you need is bread, eggs and a few vegetables and everything else is unnecessary” or “holidays are a break from work. As long as you are not working your regular job anything else is unnecessary. Travel, hotels, restaurants, theme parks, beaches, etc - all unnecessary” or “clothing is to keep you warm so all you need is one big blanket to wrap around you and everything else is unnecessary”.

Don’t tell us you’re surprised that people want more than the bare minimum. You want more than the bare minimum when it comes to food, clothes, leisure, things to drink, entertainment so why should people planning a wedding be any different and be expected to be happy with the bare minimum? Especially when there are such crazy exceptions to gatherings/numbers of people in one place for football fans, G7 leaders, schools, etc.

@silverspider05 that’s so disgustingly ignorant it’s beyond comprehension. You assume I haven’t had to suck up shit things in life? Had many, many times I’ve had to “pull up big girl knickers” just because I’m upset about my wedding?
You haven’t even considered that maybe I’ve had such horrible shit happen in my life that now things are going good, I’d like to celebrate with my nearest and dearest.
Fucking hell, you’re unbelievable!

Chailatteplease one of the kindest comments I think I got when I was so upset about my wedding being cancelled for the second time was from someone on here who told me she was really upset that Covid had delayed her new patio being installed, so I was definitely allowed to be upset about my wedding. Her point being, people are experiencing all sorts of disappointments right now and it’s ok for all of us to feel those disappointments without trying to out-do each other. There’s enough compassion to go around for everyone, or at least there should be (but not in this thread, it seems!)

Yes, counting your blessings is important and some healthy perspective is a good thing, but ‘gratitude guilt’ can be really toxic and it really is damaging to your mental health and self esteem if you’re constantly feeling or being made to feel like you aren’t ever allowed to feel your emotions because someone else always has it worse than you.

I’m sending love to everyone struggling with their weddings right now and would again highly advise staying well clear from wedding threads on Mumsnet right now, which will only make you feel worse. In the real world it’s ok to a) want a nice wedding and b) be sad when it gets delayed, cancelled or downsized yet again!

@FirewomanSam I couldn’t agree more. I don’t understand why people feel the need to dismiss others feelings or worse, compare them with their ‘my experience is worse’ crap.
I’m all for counting blessings, it’s helped me stave off depression in the past, but it crosses a line into toxic positivity when people are told not to have feelings that are perfectly valid.
My wedding is a small one, only 36 guests, buffet, DJ and bit of entertainment. Not extravagant by any means. I still empathise with those who have planned big ones and now can’t have them.
My disappointment is because my guests can’t mingle and no one can dance other than me and groom, which is also limited to one dance. Now it feels like it will be sitting in a restaurant having a meal while you just happen to know the guests but can’t talk to them.
So far from the “insta/bridezilla” crap being made out on this thread, just because you dare to feel upset.

@Blueeyedgirl21 I absolutely agree with you.

DH’s Auntie remortgaged her house to pay for her DD wedding, the wedding lasted 6 months!

Yes, YABU and I suspect you already know you are. I’ve been married for 30 years so I understand that it’s the years that follow that matter, but your lack of empathy is sad.

[quote bunburyscucumbersandwich]@CornishGem1975 no, sorry but a wedding isn't the same level as a funeral. You can get married as many times as you want, renew vows etc. A funeral you get one chance.
I suppose having been married and realising that actually it's a a waste of money and then losing my mum and not being able to grieve properly puts things into perspective. [/quote]
We got married recently because DH is dying. We had a small window to do it when he was going to be well enough to enjoy it and I am sad that he didn't get the chance to party because he is a party type of person. Covid cost him a swift diagnosis and the chance of survival of his rare and aggressive cancer, now it has cost him the chance to celebrate in the way he wanted to. I think we are allowed to feel a bit sad about it all.

[quote BeckyWithTheCurls]@Blueeyedgirl21 I absolutely agree with you.

DH’s Auntie remortgaged her house to pay for her DD wedding, the wedding lasted 6 months![/quote]
I should hope so, if it cost a house remortgage. That's some party.

@bloodywhitecat, I am so sorry.

@DrSbaitso if only!

@DrSbaitso of course I meant the marriage

@bloodywhitecat handhold