People complaining about ‘not’ being able to have a wedding

[JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil]

Am I the only person who’s getting a bit annoyed with all the people whining about ‘not’ being able to have a wedding?

They can get married and the limits of max 30 will go but guests have to socially distance, there will be limits on singing and you can’t have international guests.

Yes you can’t have 100 people hugging but people have always been allowed to get married throughout the pandemic.

There was a woman complaining on the press conference that she’s being prevented from moving on with her life? Another was saying not being able to get married is giving her mental health issues. How? She can still get married, it may not be the Insta wedding she expected but the legal bit can still happen. Have the party bit later.

I feel a lot more sorrow for people trying to organise funerals who can’t have all the guests they want.

Well isn't this an emotive thread. Princess-for-a-day vs. soul-sucking Maleficent - is this a mainstay of weddings? It's becoming very much like breast vs. bottle or SAHM vs. WOHM: a treadmill to nowhere.

When people feel the need to call those with oppositional views 'awful people', or claim that the inside of their head is a 'vile' place to be, you know things are getting way overinvested.

@HarrisMcCoo

The legal bit can be arranged quickly and have a party when this madness ends. No big deal.

Maybe not to you, but it is a big deal to many other people.

Why would you be annoyed with people who want a big celebration for their wedding and are annoyed they can't have one after 15 months of this crap?

Agree. This is the key issue and has been since the beginning: the negative impact upon basic liberties we've previously taken for granted. Destruction of an economy in return for 'safety' from a virus. To paraphrase as old maxim, those who exchange liberty for security will receive (and deserve) neither.

It's always 'just one final push', and in the meantime freedoms we took for granted are receding further and further into the rearview mirror. It makes me very uncomfortable; as does the fact that there are some people seeming to like this scenario just a little too much.

History has shown us where this path can lead.

I don’t think I’m being unreasonable for being a bit gutted that my wedding has been rearranged. We have saved up and paid a lot of money and spent a lot of time putting thought into how everyone would have a good time. A lot of DPs family are in Northern Ireland and if we got married when we should have then none of his family including his parents wouldn’t have been able to fly over to be there. Weddings are celebrations and I don’t think I’m being a princess for wanting both our families to be there….

Don't have one then. Problem solved.

I won't, and as such, I have no problem. But I'm entitled to express an opinion regardless.

I'm also absolutely fine with "banning" football, or as a more appropriate comparison, running it behind closed doors or for hugely reduced audiences. Most of the spectator (and participator) sports I do follow have also been cancelled over the covid period. Such is life.

@HarrisMcCoo This is what I’ve done, we will be renewing our vows in a few years and having a party with our friends and family then.

It is clearly upsetting for the people who have had weddings cancelled but it’s only really upsetting for the bride and groom. I do think there are much more important world events that should be featured on the news rather than people complaining about their weddings. We’ve missed out on a big party for a wedding, our daughters first birthday has just been cancelled, relatives still haven’t met her. It’s been rubbish all round but I don’t think it’s news worthy.

OP here, ok I’ve been reading responses and realise I came across as quite harsh. I’ll admit that I’m a bit biased against massive extravagant affairs and tend to prefer attending smaller weddings. I’ve known too many people who’ve taken out loans for large weddings and witnessed all the faff and stress on the run up and I’ve never understood it. However, I didn’t consider stuff about relatives dying or religious reasons etc so apologise for that.

However, over the last two days I’ve seen a few news reports of couples Daily Mail sadfacing about not being able to get married and they just come across as whiny.

Maybe if they’re going to be on the news for a 5 mins segment they can come up with better story than ‘we just want to be married so we can move on with our lives’ when they could get married next week if that was the key issue.

The conclusion the viewer comes away with is that it’s the massive reception they’re most bothered about.

There’s nothing wrong with having a big party if that’s what you want but just admit it and don’t claim that you need that to be married (in most circumstances).

However, over the last two days I’ve seen a few news reports of couples Daily Mail sadfacing about not being able to get married and they just come across as whiny.

That's exactly what the Mail wants: to rile up its readership on a tide of "princess Bridezillas whose weddings I find morally dubious because they're bigger than the ones I make sure everyone knows I prefer" bollocks. Once they find out about this thread, if they haven't already, they will be dancing round the news room. Coverage and response. You have given them exactly what they want and I guess I have too. Fuck.

YANBU. I completely agree. I went to an outdoor wedding for 15 people a few weeks ago and it was a wonderful day. Nothing like the big white wedding the bride and groom had originally planned but after nearly 10 years together they didn't see the point in postponing their marriage on account of a party. Many other rites of passage have been celebrated in a different way during the pandemic and I can't understand why weddings are more special than certain others.

I think nearly all of us dislike bridezillas and groomzillas.

However, I do feel sympathy for those planning weddings - and all their guests. A friend of one my DCs is getting married after postponing from last year. He a large family which makes the 30 a problem. And he and bride have a large group of friends from all over the country. It is not as I understand it a multi thousand wedding - more like £5000.

They thought they were safe with their third booking, and their guests have booked hotels, guest houses, friends' floors. So it's not just the bridal couple being put out, it''s their friends, relatives and suppliers.

Church is important to them. So is having kids within marriage. So yes, their life has been put on hold. You couldn't even get banns read until recently unless you paid for a special authorisation where banns aren't read.

As front line medics hey are only too aware they are lucky to be alive and in love. But snotty remarks about "princess for a day" "not understanding the difference between a marriage and a wedding" just show lack of empathy.

And another one here asking why you can go and cheer at Royal Ascot, football matches, Wimbledon ... and all the other odd rules and advice coming in.

And out of interest if you are doing a "safety check" of your venue and arrangements who verifies them and checks them? And do they have time?

@PurBal

Weddings mean different things to different people. SIL got married last August with the restrictions hoping they could have a big bash this year. She is really upset she didn't have a "real" wedding or get to have the "fun" part. When I pointed out she got married she said "oh that's just the legal bit". For me the ceremony is the most important part of a wedding but that's not true for many.

No wonder the divorce rate is so high.

DH is at Royal Ascot. He has had to take 2 tests and another in 5 days time. It is one of the Government test events. If research wasn’t being done with events like this, then they probably wouldn’t be able to say they can open up fully in the next few days. Have to say I would rather he hadn’t gone and we will be careful with our contacts for the next 10 days. Luckily we can WFH and DS has finished college

@DrSbaitso

Remind me what the current UK divorce stats are?

Why is that relevant?

Because the repeated mantra of it ‘being a once in a lifetime experience’ is factually incorrect. Sad reality. One of the biggest regrets that many divorced people have is the crazy amount of money that is spent on putting on a show on their wedding day. I include myself in that BTW before anyone starts. This is modern life. 50% of marriages end in divorce.

Because the repeated mantra of it ‘being a once in a lifetime experience’ is factually incorrect. Sad reality. One of the biggest regrets that many divorced people have is the crazy amount of money that is spent on putting on a show on their wedding day. I include myself in that BTW before anyone starts. This is modern life. 50% of marriages end in divorce.

Well then let them take that risk, it's their money and their lives. To tell a Covid couple that they have less right to be upset about their affected wedding because of the possibility of divorce is really reaching for reasons to be nasty. Who on earth does that?

‘Well then let them take that risk, it's their money and their lives. To tell a Covid couple that they have less right to be upset about their affected wedding because of the possibility of divorce is really reaching for reasons to be nasty. Who on earth does that?’

Oh give your head a wobble. Stating facts is not ‘nasty’ The hyperbole on MN is ridiculous. What the fuck is a ‘COVID couple? ‘

I had a work colleague who was still paying off the wedding when their divorce was finalised. Best to never get into debt when paying for a wedding

To tell a Covid couple that they have less right to be upset about their affected wedding because of the possibility of divorce is really reaching for reasons to be nasty. Who on earth does that?

I couldn’t agree more.

I'm with you, OP. Also, during the first lockdown, when plenty were moaning about being stuck at home, many disabled people who, like me, are often house or bed-bound, were sick of the whines, knowing it was temporary for those people but permanent for us.

Surely, it should be about being married rather than getting married. There are more important things than a fancy do and it seems that this hideous pandemic still hasn't brought this home to some people.

@RealhousewifeofStoke

‘Well then let them take that risk, it's their money and their lives. To tell a Covid couple that they have less right to be upset about their affected wedding because of the possibility of divorce is really reaching for reasons to be nasty. Who on earth does that?’

Oh give your head a wobble. Stating facts is not ‘nasty’ The hyperbole on MN is ridiculous. What the fuck is a ‘COVID couple? ‘

Of course it's nasty, when what you're effectively saying is "you have no right to be upset that your wedding is wrecked because you're likely to divorce anyway". Who the fuck says things like that?

A Covid couple, in context, is a couple marrying in the pandemic. I didn’t think that would be hard to grasp, given the conversation, but if so, then at least I guess it was, er, funny.

Some of us aren't spending a fortune or even close to it, or getting into debt! Are we allowed to be upset or not?

When we were getting married, I felt it was important that we focused on the marriage, not the wedding. That it was about our committing to each other, not about who spent the most on their wedding or had all the bells and whistles. But we still had c.100 people, close family and friends (very separate friendship groups/family as we grew up in different places)
So I do get how people feel robbed of their special day, YABU

I think I can see both sides - on the one hand, my wedding was last year and we just did what we could and accepted that we couldn’t have what we planned Small church wedding, only family and local friends, dinner for 6 in the garden.

I was lucky that I hadn’t spent loads on bookings though - some people have paid for whole events that they just can’t get their money back from. I can imagine that if you booked a £10000 wedding at a venue then you don’t want to cut it down to 30 people because you’re possibly still paying for the original ~100 guests because businesses are on their knees and desperately need the cash flow. I see that some of the rhetoric is hyperbolic, but it’s a lot of money and a special day so it’s very easy to lose sight of the bigger picture if your wedding is at stake.

It would be nice for us all to have empathy with each other though, wouldn’t it? Lots of grumpy people around this week.

There are many problems with Mumsnet (and many good things too) but one of the things I find difficult to understand at the moment is how many people seem to be just loving all the restrictions being placed on our lives at the moment, and are delighted to criticise anyone who dares to complain.

It is all crap and just because you would rather get married by yourselves to show how much more serious about marriage you are than the frivolous people who would like to be able to sing and dance and have all their friends and family at their weddings doesn't actually make you a better person.

Stop looking down your noses at other people's priorities and start putting the blame for all this where it belongs! This useless, mendacious and self-serving government we are saddled with.

Just because lots of people get divorced doesn't mean they all get married again, the proportion of weddings each year that are first weddings for both is huge - about 2/3. Only about 15% of weddings are remarriages for both bride and groom.

Anyway YABU. Weddings are an ancient tradition that runs incredibly deep through our culture and cultures around the world. It only takes one of the couple having a large and close family (my DP for example) to practically suck up the 30 person limit on its own. Obviously some people don't want their nieces and aunties and cousins at the wedding, but if you're close and have grown up together you might feel as weird about excluding them as about excluding your own siblings.

Many people want to get married for religious or cultural reasons before TTC.

I'd be incredibly uneasy at the idea of holding a big party to celebrate me and my partner potentially a long time after we marry, it would feel very weird and self-centred to do that without the ceremony as a reason to attend.

Also I thought the point of weddings being "events" which other people attend (rather than two people in bed just saying "sure let's stay together") was to reinforce the seriousness of the commitment, because you've made it in front of family and friends - not take away from it. In the C of E ceremony anyway they ask the guests to agree to support the marriage. Marriages need people around them, not just the couple in some kind of pretend bubble.