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AIBU?

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Original poster

People complaining about ‘not’ being able to have a wedding

679 replies

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 15/06/2021 07:44

Am I the only person who’s getting a bit annoyed with all the people whining about ‘not’ being able to have a wedding?

They can get married and the limits of max 30 will go but guests have to socially distance, there will be limits on singing and you can’t have international guests.

Yes you can’t have 100 people hugging but people have always been allowed to get married throughout the pandemic.

There was a woman complaining on the press conference that she’s being prevented from moving on with her life? Another was saying not being able to get married is giving her mental health issues. How? She can still get married, it may not be the Insta wedding she expected but the legal bit can still happen. Have the party bit later.

I feel a lot more sorrow for people trying to organise funerals who can’t have all the guests they want.

OP posts:
RealhousewifeofStoke · 15/06/2021 10:18

@aprilanne

Just to say op you are wrong in the first lockdown weddings were completely cancelled unless you were dying and got a special licence. Everyone else completely cancelled. So please get facts correct .and why shouldn't folk have the day they want. It's only once in a lifetime you cant rerun it ..
Remind me what the current UK divorce stats are?
SleepingStandingUp · 15/06/2021 10:19

@Blueeyedgirl21 I agree with you re your MIL but surely what makes each wedding special is who is there, if you're ambivalent enough about them to not really care they're getting married, you can choose not to go. I'm so sad I missed my bf getting married, she squeezed it in just before they were banned so I'm also v glad for her she got married but I feel like I missed out on something special by not being there. We'd have squashed a guest list to 30 but there would have been lots of people who were excited bad happy for me missing. There's nothing wrong with caring about that and it doesn't make people self obsessed insta-bridezillas to want to hug their family, have a party and dancing afterwards, be able to sing hymmns in church et

Deedoubleyou · 15/06/2021 10:20

Some of the language used is over the top maybe over the top, but the lack of empathy is a bit rich from those who had their wedding outwith a global pandemic so had they wedding they wanted with the guests they wanted.
Lots of people live together before they get married so the wedding is about a huge celebration of their love and commitment to each other. Why shouldn't people be upset that they are not able to have that when everyone else has had their turn?

ConstanceGracy · 15/06/2021 10:20

Such a mean spirited thread.
It only doesn’t bother you, op because it doesn’t affect you.

JustLyra · 15/06/2021 10:20

@80sMum

I agree with you, OP. The restrictions have not prevented anyone from getting married.

What has been restricted is parties. The people who are complaining are upset (understandably so, as it is bound to be disappointing) that they can't have a big party on their wedding day. But nothing has prevented them from getting married and moving on with their lives.

Apart from the people due to married when weddings were not allowed...

Like all the people due to marry between the start of lockdown and June 1st 2020 for starters... Or the people due to marry during the winter ban... or anyone due to marry during local bans because of high tier levels...

Aye, apart from all those people no one has been prevented at all Hmm

Cornishsky · 15/06/2021 10:21

The rule of 30 doesn’t mean 30 people can come to your wedding - it’s a maximum number. Throughout the restrictions, when weddings have been allowed (even those marrying due to terminal illness etc) the venues have had to put in place their own risk assessment re capacity taking into account social distancing. At out local registry office this meant maximum capacity was 6 - including bride, groom and kids. I think a lot of the news coverage is deliberately goady- to stir up debate. People are allowed to be upset about the difficult and sometimes impossible decisions they have to make about what is a hugely important life event.

Jubilate · 15/06/2021 10:25

I think the pandemic has brought huge disappointments to most people. My youngest didn't have a nativity, school photographs, no school trips. We are all allowed to grieve the loss. But I'm afraid I'm with the OP, if marriage is important, have the ceremony. If the party is important, wait it out. Life is full of unexpected curve balls. Nothing is promised to any of us. Work out what is important to you and prioritise it while you can.

MintyMabel · 15/06/2021 10:25

Spare a thought for those who had to pick between loved ones for a funeral. A wedding can take place at a later date. A funeral can't.

Ahh, the Covid race to the bottom. That other people are facing different difficulties, doesn’t make life any easier for people struggling with things.

Deedoubleyou · 15/06/2021 10:25

@ConstanceGracy

Such a mean spirited thread. It only doesn’t bother you, op because it doesn’t affect you.
This x10000000
DrSbaitso · 15/06/2021 10:27

Remind me what the current UK divorce stats are?

Why is that relevant?

notalwaysalondoner · 15/06/2021 10:27

It's the way the goalposts keep changing that I think is so hard to deal with. If everyone was just told 'no weddings beyond 30 people with no alcohol or dancing for the whole of 2020 and 2021' people would have been able to make an informed choice, but you just have constantly changing rules and a hell of a lot of organisation trying to adapt to those rules, I can see why it would come to dominate some couple's lives and give them mental health issues, yes. You come across as very unimaginative if you can't understand why this would be deeply upsetting to some people. Yes, it's a first world problem, but a real one. And to only be able to have 30 people is very sad, many people have large families and it really isn't the same having a party a year later. Of course you can choose to do that, but I understand 'mourning' the wedding you could have had.

Pinuporc · 15/06/2021 10:30

Some friends got married last year, they are the least "entitled" or demanding people you could meet. I was invited to their original wedding in a hotel. They ended up getting married in a registry office where the limit on guests was 12 (well 9 as the bride, groom and registrar were included in the 12) This meant they could not even have their immediate families there (parents plus siblings was more than 9). I think that's pretty gutting, even for a small wedding.

JustLyra · 15/06/2021 10:31

@Jubilate

I think the pandemic has brought huge disappointments to most people. My youngest didn't have a nativity, school photographs, no school trips. We are all allowed to grieve the loss. But I'm afraid I'm with the OP, if marriage is important, have the ceremony. If the party is important, wait it out. Life is full of unexpected curve balls. Nothing is promised to any of us. Work out what is important to you and prioritise it while you can.
But many people haven’t been able to have the ceremony either...
jerometheturnipking · 15/06/2021 10:32

@DrSbaitso

Remind me what the current UK divorce stats are?

Why is that relevant?

Quite possibly because of the "it's once in a lifetime" type comments. When wedding days, for a good percentage of people, are quite often "twice in a lifetime" or more.
Baggingarea · 15/06/2021 10:33

YABU - a lot of these people have sunk huge amounts of money into deposits for their wedding. Of course it's a mental health risk to lose that much money and not have the wedding you've paid for. Not to mention the huge pressure from friends and family. It's easy to just think of these women as bridezillas but they are really over a barrel in a lot of ways.

bloodywhitecat · 15/06/2021 10:33

And those who can't wait it out to have a party to celebrate?

countrygirl99 · 15/06/2021 10:34

God, there is some serious lack of empathy from some people. My son got married last year at the beginning of June, just after they were allowed. Even after they were allowed the government didn't issue the guidelines to registrars for another week, then venues had to be risk assessed. My son was married with just us there 2 days before he emigrated. Even DILs parents couldn't be there. We organised it in 3 days but it's do sad her parents had to see their daughter married over a Facebook live stream.
Peoe who can't understand why people who can't celebrate a major life event eith friends and family are sad are the ones who need to get a grip and I'm passed of with their whinging and whining about something they don't care about.

DrSbaitso · 15/06/2021 10:34

Quite possibly because of the "it's once in a lifetime" type comments. When wedding days, for a good percentage of people, are quite often "twice in a lifetime" or more.

What kind of person uses that as a stick to beat disappointed couples?

Ostryga · 15/06/2021 10:34

It takes a special kind of person who is unable to feel any empathy or happiness for others.

Just because YOU don’t understand doesn’t mean other people can’t wish things were different. It doesn’t harm you in anyway if someone is upset about a wedding, no matter how trivial it is to you.

If someone wants to have 10 huge, extravagant weddings because it makes them happy so what? At least they’re not sitting around being a misery guts.

cadburyegg · 15/06/2021 10:36

I understand why people are disappointed but it's irritating that people are shocked by this, it was obvious to most people who are keeping half an eye on the news that the June 21 date was going to be pushed back. If you want a huge wedding, it's not sensible to pin your hopes on this with everything else going on. So i agree with the OP - if it's marriage that's important, have the ceremony. We are in a pandemic and you have to adapt to the ever-changing situation and make the best of it.

For context, my dad died in March and we could only have 30 people to the funeral and 6 people to the wake, which had to be outdoors. It wasn't the easiest thing to organise, but we had to make the best of it. I understood why the restrictions had to be in place. My uncle also died last weekend, so in the space of 3 months my aunt has lost both her brother and husband and I won't be able to go to his funeral either. It's shit but it is what it is. So I guess I'm not full of sympathy for people who are crying that they can't have 200 people to their wedding.

Workyticket · 15/06/2021 10:37

I'm so very happy to have the friends and family I have rather than some of the spiteful characters on this thread

People started booking hotel rooms and baby sitters the minute Boris gave the ok. Moat don't need hotels - they live locally enough for taxis but they WANT to make the most of it.

July wedding - in an open barn. We'll take the sides off the marquee for the party. Literally the only person who can't come is awaiting an operation

We'll eat, drink and be very merry!

Pinuporc · 15/06/2021 10:38

Also MN in general seems to be quite snobby about have a thing about big weddings. Almost every other person on MN pre covid had an intimate wedding with a budget of £200, 8 guests and a dress from Oxfam. Anything else is "OTT" or "showing off for insta" or "more about the party than the actual marriage" .
I had about 100 to my wedding. I am a world away from being princess but I loved having a lovely dress and all my friends and family there. That doesn't mean I took my vows any less seriously. In RL most of my friends have also had large weddings (well before insta was a thing btw) some of my friends of Indian heritage have had up to 600 at their wedding, it's not that unusual.

I also feel sorry for all the people whose jobs are reliant on the wedding industry

Ostryga · 15/06/2021 10:39

@Workyticket I hope you have a bloody lovely time. And dance loads and sing your heart out! Flowers

RockPainting · 15/06/2021 10:39

I'm with @Jubilate

We were married years ago. Had a LOT of family coming from overseas. Separate wedding and party venue. Quite a big event (70+ in the day, 30 extras for the evening).

We didn't even take out insurance. We had to do SOMETHING that day no matter what.

If the wedding venue burnt down, we would have just had the party that day. If the party venue burnt down, we would have got married and gone to the pub. We would have sorted everything out later. I was prepared for things to potentially go tits up, and we had a plan B. This was waaaay before the pandemic.

One DC has a birthday early July. We'd booked an activity with 10 friends for then - not sure if it can go ahead now. We knew that when we booked.

Seriously - for lots of people - most of us actually - life can be a series of HUGE disappointments, including financial ones. I don't count not having the exact wedding you'd dreamed of as one of those. This happens to people all the time - ill family member, family breakdown, can't afford to do what they'd really like, jeez even war and civil unrest. Basically life happens, and we're hugely privileged to be able to to what we want, when we want, most of the time.

Its just a day and a party, really it is. You can still get married if you want to. You maybe can't have the wedding you'd dreamed of where and when you want it at the moment. For anyone who re-booked for this summer, this hasn't come as a massive surprise. The media are loving it though.

I feel extremely sorry for the hospitality industry in all of this.

MaudBaileysGreenTurban · 15/06/2021 10:39

Yes good point that it is 30 with social distancing as well. Very difficult in some venues and does tend to ruin the atmosphere!

I do really, really get that people are disappointed. I still am, a bit, especially when I see my beautiful venue which we won't now be using, on instagram. It's not the day we've been planning. But it's still going to be lovely, I'm sure. I'm still excited!