To think this tells me all I need to know?

[Thatspointless]

Trying to make post lockdown plans with my best friend of 25 years. We've both been through hell during Covid, haven't seen each other for over a year, we live 200 miles apart.
Me: We're allowed to meet up, I miss you so much! I want to see you ASAP, I will come to you (big city, my adult son lives there and I haven't seen him for months either so planning visiting both)
BF: Definitely, anytime, ASAP!
Me: next weekend?
BF: actually I'm busy next weekend
Me: ha no worries! Weekend after?
BF: so many plans, how about end of August?

That's pretty clear isn't it? I'm fucking heartbroken tonight.
To avoid dripfeeding, I've always tried to be a low maintenance friend and I've never made a fuss about difficulty in arranging suitable times (honestly I've bent over backwards to accommodate the busy and important London thing for DECADES) but after everything that has happened the last year or so this feels like a massive kick in the teeth. This is all a bit one sided isn't it? I feel like a twat.

I don’t think you are BU, even if she didn’t mean it as a brush-off. I live in London but I hate the ‘busy for the next 6 months’ culture, I genuinely don’t understand how people have that many events/that many people to fill their time with. Granted I don’t have a big family and I’m childfree so that obviously writes off family or child-related events but most of my friends are childfree too and still manage to book themselves up to the eyeballs. I don’t get it! I think you’re either one or the other - a future planner or a spontaneity person, and there doesn’t seem to be an in between. So while she probably was genuine and does want to see you, I understand why you feel how you do.

Ugh I'm getting upset again now! Honestly it's been a shit time to be a student nurse, I went literally months last year with no contact with any friends or family including my children. Yes I was melodramatic last night, I've admitted that, I am embarrassed about but I'm still glad I got it out here and didn't trash a friendship. I've been on my knees with exhaustion and lonely as fuck and I've literally just finished my degree and I've a couple of weeks off before I start full time paid work. This isn't a cry for sympathy, I chose to do it and I'm glad I did. Just might explain why I'm a bit oversensitive - but again, only on here and not to my friend. That's the whole point of this forum isn't it? I asked if IWBU and accepted I was, I didn't hurt anyone though, I just processed my emotions with the help of this board because I'm on my own at the moment

Thanks @TedMullins I think you're right, I think we are just not meeting in the middle at the mo, it's all going to take time to get back into a rhythm again like so much else!
It will all be fine, I will make sure of it

I still think your instincts are right about this friend, OP. Your strategy of giving less of yourself but not ending the friendship is the right one.

It’s amazing that you’ve completed a degree, especially partly in a pandemic! That should be your focus, not this woman, and I hope you will celebrate with your family and friends who do value you.

You’ve done nothing wrong.

OP, its really hard to feel this way, and I get why you are hurt. I am also finding that a lot of friends are throwing themselves into activity now that they can, and it is easy to feel left out or slighted. I dont have that freedom and it feels really hard. I dont think it says necessarily means that you are not important to her, just that other people got in first. Make a plan with her, you will be glad you did when you see her.

YABU
My diary is very booked up at the moment and my next free weekend is in August. Life is busy.

Just seen the poll is on 50:50... an interesting result!

Perhaps reflects @TedMullins point that people are either more spontaneous or booked up til august.

Lots of posts on here show that many people have no sympathy with the other perspective at all. Well done OP for trying to see it from your friend’s POV

Not relevant to the thread Thatspointless but in one of your posts you mentioned that you had got a 1st. What a fantastic achievement when you were working through the pandemic as well as trying to study and do all the other essentials in life. Huge congratulations.

As other posters say, we are all trying to find a way of negotiating our friendships at the moment. I think it's hard because friendship is so often made easier by spontaneous actions like deciding to go to a film or having a drink after work. I know that you and your friend live in different places but before covid it was only was easier to make sudden plans and not book up in advance to eat out or go to a museum. I hope things sort themselves out. In the meantime, plan to see your son and his new partner. London is always better in the hot weather as everyone loses the energy to do almost anything else than sit outside with a cold drink!

OP 2 weeks notice is not a lot. I’m booked up until the end of Sept because everyone wants to plan things. It’s not being rude to tell someone you’re busy and to suggest an alternative date. Take your long time friend at her word and arrange to visit in August.

@SilverTotoro

OP 2 weeks notice is not a lot. I’m booked up until the end of Sept because everyone wants to plan things. It’s not being rude to tell someone you’re busy and to suggest an alternative date. Take your long time friend at her word and arrange to visit in August.

See I totally disagree with this! Two weeks is plenty of notice and the likelihood is I’d be free if someone asked. Even if I WANTED to book myself up until September I’d struggle to find enough things to do or people to see. I’m not saying one way is right or the other wrong, but I can’t relate to this at all (and I have got friends!)

@TedMullins totally accept everyone is different, at lot of mine are previously postponed weddings. But the OP was interpreting this as her friend not wanting /making the effort to see her - I was making the point some people really are busy and short of cancelling other people the only option is to suggest an alternative date - I hope none of my friends would judge me for letting them know I was busy and suggesting an alternative.

I see why you’d be upset, but I have a lot of rescheduled plans pencilled in the next few weeks, and am away at the end of July/beginning of august, so if anyone asked me to do something at a weekend, I would also be giving a date of mid/late august. Also, with childcare and general life, I have to plan everything in advance, I would rarely ever be available this weekend, or next.