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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No mask so school bus left my DD

492 replies

onanislandfaraway · 14/06/2021 22:34

Both me and my DP was at work today so my 13yo DD has to be home alone for a couple of hours until DP gets home at 6pm. I texted her asking did she get home OK and she told me she'd lost her mask during a sports session at school and that the school bus wouldn't let her on so left her at school.

She didn't want to hassle me or DP at work so rang her nan to pick her up and thank god she was able to and only lives a 15 minute drive away so wasn't waiting around too long. Her school is in the next town over to where we live so way too far for her to walk home. AIBU to think that the school bus is responsible for getting children home and should not have just left her at the school? Shouldn't they have spare masks just incase of instances like this? I will of course be making sure she has plenty of spare masks in her bag, to be honest she did use to carry a few spares but didn't happen to have any today. I am quite angry that they've done this.

OP posts:
Localocal · 16/06/2021 22:56

Of course the school bus should have a box of spares. They cost pennies and obviously kids forget and lose things. Please complain. They can't just leave her with no way to get home. What if there was no family member to pick her up?

More to the point, a face MASK is not required. A face COVERING is. She could have used a jumper sleeve or any other bit of fabric, or pulled the neck of her shirt up over her mouth and nose. The bus driver should know this.

Tigger1895 · 16/06/2021 23:00

Did the driver notify the school or company that they refused her boarding the bus? TBH, it seems a bit dangerous to leave a child stranded alone and I presume they open themselves up for investigation if something untoward happens.

bellie710 · 16/06/2021 23:02

OP I agree with you, yes she should have had a mask but she didn't so they should have made sure she had a way to get home or could contact someone. We live in a very rural area and the school is 15 miles away and buses are about every 3 hours, sadly so many people have no idea what living in a rural area means!

Bizawit · 16/06/2021 23:12

Why not have a think about how stupid this sounds. This has nothing to do with safeguarding. Unless there are special needs involved (in which case she shouldn't be getting a bus unsupervised) even a not very bright 13 year old is more than capable of walking back to school to ask for help or ringing another adult for help (which is exactly what she did.

Absolute bullshit. Why not think about how stupid you sound? This has everything to do with safeguarding. You do NOT leave a 13 year old child without their usual means of returning home from school, without ensuring they have a safe alternative, under ANY circumstances. Certainly not for the sake of a goddam mask.

Not all 13 year olds would have necessarily made a safe choice in these circumstances. They are 13. That’s why they need safeguarding. Maybe they are too shy / embarrassed to ask a teacher for help in that circumstance. Maybe they are afraid of being a pain, or getting into trouble? This DD was apparently worried about disturbing her parents bless he. Maybe they have an unrealistic assessment of how long it would take them , or how difficult or unsafe it would be for them to try to navigate their way home on their own. Maybe they would impulsively accept a lift from someone they wouldn’t otherwise? A myriad of choices/ circumstances are possible. In this case the child luckily had a nan to call.

OP you must report this. It is unacceptable.

Yourcatisnotsorry · 16/06/2021 23:24

Yanbu at all. Remember that girl who was raped when she had to walk home alone because she was 30p short on bus fare? I would be furious that a 13 year old has been stranded because of masking mask. The bus driver should have applied some common sense (and I’m sure someone would have had a spare).

2fallsagain · 16/06/2021 23:35

OP YANBU. The bus driver should not have left her over this. Massive safeguarding concern.

And am so amazed at the number of people who think he was in the right. People have lost all perspective.

2fallsagain · 16/06/2021 23:43

@Lunaticmess

We are in the middle of a pandemic. Why is it the school’s/ bus driver’s job to put everyone else at risk because your daughter was unprepared? If you’re so concerned about her inability to get home, it is absolutely your job to ensure she is prepared. Honestly, the entitlement some people have astounds me. Who do you think is paying for all the ‘spare’ masks? I’m sorry if this sounds harsh but, as a parent, this is entirely on you.
What a truly disproportionate response. She would have put nobody's life at risk by getting in the bus without a mask. Mask wearing us shown to have an small impact when community transmission is high but really it's negligible. If you did a risk assessment there would be far greater risk of leaving her without transport to get home than allowing her on the bus without a mask.
frysturkishdelight · 16/06/2021 23:51

Oh my life.

The child was left in a safe place. Right outside her school!

She should have walked straight back into school.

And I love the poster who suggested the bus driver just needs 'a few spares'

2fallsagain · 16/06/2021 23:53

What if she had no alternative transport?

Bizawit · 17/06/2021 00:03

She should have walked straight back into school.

Sure! But she’s a child. A 13 year old child who was unprepared for the circumstance in which she found herself. What an adult thinks she could/ should sensibly do in that situation is entirely beyond the point. If we could trust children to always to make safe, sensible and rational choices we wouldn’t need to safeguard/ care for them now would we?

There is a reason why 13 year olds aren’t left to decide for themselves how to get to and from school.

frysturkishdelight · 17/06/2021 00:04

She's 13! My class of 5 year olds know if they walk out of school and suddenly lost their mum in the crowd to walk back into school.

Blacksheepcat · 17/06/2021 00:09

They don’t have to wear masks at school when they’re all together but they do on the school bus? Sorry, don’t get it.
Bus driver was not at any risk (unlike the teachers).

PrincessConsuelaBanana · 17/06/2021 04:01

Totally agree with your posts OP x

Allington · 17/06/2021 05:43

As I said before, if your 13 year old is not capable of walking back into school and asking for help, then you should escort them to and from school. Not expect others to act as an unpaid nanny

Allington · 17/06/2021 05:45

And the OP has said this 13 year old spends a couple of hours at home alone after school. That is seriously negligent parenting!

InTheDrunkTank · 17/06/2021 06:25

@Bizawit

If your 13year old can't work out that she needs to walk back to shool and ask for help then that's your failure as a parent. What if she was late getting out of school and missed the school bus? What if the bus broke down? If you haven't prepared her for that very predictable eventuality that's your issue. he bus company can't be expected to realise that your 13 year old doesn't have very basic life skills.

Sleepyblueocean · 17/06/2021 06:30

"Sure! But she’s a child. A 13 year old child who was unprepared for the circumstance in which she found herself."

Then she needs to be prepared for that situation. There is always the possibility that she will miss transport home and so needs to be told in advance of what to do in that situation. In the same way that you wouldn't let a child walk down the street on their own without teaching them how to cross roads safely.

SingingInTheShithouse · 17/06/2021 07:01

Unless there are any SN, then I think your DD is right, you need to leave it. She's 13, not 5 & you will embarrass the hell out of her for treating her like a baby to the school. Yes of course it's not an ideal situation, but valuable lesson learnt for your DD to carry a spare. At 13 my own DD & her friends were quite capable for getting themselves home from school or from the next time even if they missed the bus & had to walk.

Your DD was fine as she was mature enough to make other arrangements for herself, be proud of her for that & let the rest go

SofiaMichelle · 17/06/2021 07:16

This thread is certainly eye opening.

Who'd have thought that so many people consider NT 13 year-olds so incapable?

Bizawit · 17/06/2021 07:22

[quote InTheDrunkTank]@Bizawit

If your 13year old can't work out that she needs to walk back to shool and ask for help then that's your failure as a parent. What if she was late getting out of school and missed the school bus? What if the bus broke down? If you haven't prepared her for that very predictable eventuality that's your issue. he bus company can't be expected to realise that your 13 year old doesn't have very basic life skills.[/quote]
Sure a parent needs to impart this information, but if an adult is responsible for getting a child home from school it is 100% their responsibility (the adult) to ensure they have a safe alternative, not leave it up to the child.

As I said in a pp , there are a myriad of possibilities of what the child might have done here/ chosen to do here. There have also been cases of terrible things happening to children who have been left by school buses leading to changes in policy- eg you can’t leave them if they don’t have the fare etc.

FYI, I don’t have a 13 year old but I have a job working in CP.

Bizawit · 17/06/2021 07:25

And all pp saying “it’s the parents issue” that is absolutely NOT true. It’s the law that all people who have a job working with children have a duty of care/ obligation to keep them safe. You can’t just say “oh well her parents should have done x y z” and absolve yourself of that responsibility.

Poptasmagorical · 17/06/2021 07:33

The people questioning why you wouldn't let a thirteen year old girl walk five miles on that kind of route are being dicks.

Whatever your view of the mask situation, don't pretend there are no dangers in that journey just because you're trying to make a point.

InTheDrunkTank · 17/06/2021 07:35

@Bizawit No it isn'tthe bus driver's responsibility. He's literally paid to drive the bus and let the appropriate individuals on and off the bus. If this was a primary school bus service or a bus service for children or adults with additional needs they'd have someone trained and paid to also provide a caring role. A secndary school bus driver isn't paid for that. As a parent you then have to decide whether your 13 year old is so incapable that they're not able to get the bus home. (This of course should include situations where they miss the bus, lose their bus pass, there is an issue with the bus and it doesn't come). If your child is unable to perform these basic tasks you need to arrange alternative transport for them.

frysturkishdelight · 17/06/2021 07:38

I don't think a 13 year old should walk home alone for 5 miles. I think she should contact someone for a lift (which she did) or go back into school and ask for help (which she could have easily done).

Children understand school as a safe place. I think many people are forgetting that.

Bizawit · 17/06/2021 07:51

[quote InTheDrunkTank]@Bizawit No it isn'tthe bus driver's responsibility. He's literally paid to drive the bus and let the appropriate individuals on and off the bus. If this was a primary school bus service or a bus service for children or adults with additional needs they'd have someone trained and paid to also provide a caring role. A secndary school bus driver isn't paid for that. As a parent you then have to decide whether your 13 year old is so incapable that they're not able to get the bus home. (This of course should include situations where they miss the bus, lose their bus pass, there is an issue with the bus and it doesn't come). If your child is unable to perform these basic tasks you need to arrange alternative transport for them.[/quote]
That’s not true. The bus drover has a job where he has daily contact with children. He has safeguarding obligations/ a duty of care. In this case that is not to refuse a child a place on the bus. Sorry but your opinion is irrelevant. There is law and policy that covers safeguarding