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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

No mask so school bus left my DD

492 replies

onanislandfaraway · 14/06/2021 22:34

Both me and my DP was at work today so my 13yo DD has to be home alone for a couple of hours until DP gets home at 6pm. I texted her asking did she get home OK and she told me she'd lost her mask during a sports session at school and that the school bus wouldn't let her on so left her at school.

She didn't want to hassle me or DP at work so rang her nan to pick her up and thank god she was able to and only lives a 15 minute drive away so wasn't waiting around too long. Her school is in the next town over to where we live so way too far for her to walk home. AIBU to think that the school bus is responsible for getting children home and should not have just left her at the school? Shouldn't they have spare masks just incase of instances like this? I will of course be making sure she has plenty of spare masks in her bag, to be honest she did use to carry a few spares but didn't happen to have any today. I am quite angry that they've done this.

OP posts:
Aroundtheworldin80moves · 16/06/2021 09:10

I would be more concerned if it was the way TOO school, where they don't have near backup.

(It was a frequent thing when I was younger, the buses not stopping to pick passengers upon the morning as they were full. Pre mobile, so we just waited for the next one. I had to get a bus to get there an hour before school started, and even that wasn't full proof.
This scenario is probably be common for those using public buses. And they can't make male passengers get off for female ones!)

Boo2012 · 16/06/2021 09:15

Crazy times! YANBU. They shouldn't have left your daughter there. Perhaps the bus driver or the school should ensure there is some cheap disposables on board. I'm sure she can't be the first one?!

Recently I went into a theme park the other day not realising I left my masks in the car. You don't have to wear a mask on entry as all outside. I got in and realised that I left my mask in the car and obviously couldn't enter any shops, cafes or rides without one. Worst thing is you got to walk through the bleddy shop to get out to the car park. Thankfully the theme park did give me one so I could go out to the car!! These things happen! Not the same thing as being left at school of course. But it happens!

ImmyMc · 16/06/2021 09:18

@NCwhatsmynameagain Also, it wasn't a quiet area - it was a school! You wouldn't expect a bus driver to hang around when he stops the bus and make sure that every teenager is collected by their parents at the drop off point because, you know what, that's not his job! His job is to drive the bus. The parents' job is to provide the masks.

Sockwomble · 16/06/2021 09:28

If people want disposable masks available they need to contact the council who are the ones that are responsible for school transport. It is nothing to do with the bus driver. He is either directly employed by the council or by an operator who have a contact with the council. He does what he is employed to do.

He has responsibilities and has to follow a code of practice but he isn't a teacher, nurse, carer or any of the roles that people seem to expect him to have. This includes unless in an emergency situation, seeing anyone back into school or going looking for other staff to deal with things because he is not allowed to leave his vehicle when children are on board.

NCwhatsmynameagain · 16/06/2021 10:22

@ImmyMc I certainly don’t think it’s delusional to expect that a school bus driver won’t leave a child stranded at school.

frysturkishdelight · 16/06/2021 10:32

Oh my goodness it's such a non issue.

Child was safe and got a lift. She could have gone back into school.

My 8 year old would have sought help from the school on his own.

It's actually scary that people are so cross about this.

ilovesooty · 16/06/2021 10:46

[quote NCwhatsmynameagain]@ImmyMc I certainly don’t think it’s delusional to expect that a school bus driver won’t leave a child stranded at school.[/quote]
She wasn't stranded. She could have returned to school for help or do what she sensibly did - sort a lift home with the phone she had available to her.

She sounds a lot more level headed than half of the posters on this thread resorting to drama and hyperbolic responses.

Boomisshiss · 16/06/2021 11:52

@NCwhatsmynameagain

Bus driver wouldn’t have known she could get a lift when he left her at school.
But she must have a plan in place incase. She could have missed the bus so a plan should have been talked about with the child. What if she got home with no adults there and discovered she had lost her house keys ? Every parent should have a plan in place for these things that can and do happen,
ImmyMc · 16/06/2021 12:35

@NCwhatsmynameagain I know you don't. That's why I think you are delusional.

ilovesooty · 16/06/2021 12:37

If she was left at school she was in a safe place. It's not the responsibility of the bus driver how she was going to facilitate transport home.

RedHelenB · 16/06/2021 12:50

Yabu at age 13, year 8 or 9 she should be able to ask school.fir assistance if she needed it. And by the sounds of it she was mature enough to ring her grandparents.

Angiemum24 · 16/06/2021 17:38

That is disgusting. They should carry spares as kids lose things.
I would sue the bus driver and the bus company.

Goondoit19 · 16/06/2021 17:39

I would be furious. A child’s safety is non negotiable and to be left behind is not acceptable. Life happens and we aren’t all perfect and remember to have hundreds of masks ready at all times. If that was my child she would have been extremely upset, I think they have forgotten who they are dealing with.

InTheDrunkTank · 16/06/2021 17:42

Given then it's a secondary school bus then it's fine. It would be different in primary school. A 13 year old should have the sense to be able to get home from the next town over. Next time she might miss the bus and need to find her way home. In fact she did manage to find her way home perfectly well.

InTheDrunkTank · 16/06/2021 17:42

@Angiemum24

That is disgusting. They should carry spares as kids lose things. I would sue the bus driver and the bus company.
Grin Grin Grin

It's getting to the point I have no idea what is satire and what is serious.

janj2301 · 16/06/2021 17:49

masks cost money, it's OK for large concerns like Tesco to give them away but were I work staff are provided one a day, we are on a very tight budget with all the stuff we've had to get, PPE etc. anyone coming in the building without one is sent to the local chemist to buy one.

Peppermintpatty24 · 16/06/2021 17:59

If I were her, I would have used my school jumper as a face covering. And before people start saying the holes are too big, face masks are hardly any better. They only work for up to 3-4 minutes.

ImmyMc · 16/06/2021 18:03

@Peppermintpatty24 That is just completely incorrect. Honestly. The amount of misinformation on here is unbelievable. Go and read some peer-reviewed research, please.

Peppermintpatty24 · 16/06/2021 18:04

No it isn't.

SallyB392 · 16/06/2021 18:12

Unfortunately this is yours and your DD's responsibility. Drivers are not allowed to allow passengers to board their buses unless they are wearing a mask. At 13, your DD is not a baby, she knows the rules, and will have had a number of options to resolve the problem; ask friends if they have a clean spare, pop back into school and ask if they could lend her one, or phone family for a lift home. She opted for the latter.

This is a lesson learned for your DD and will perhaps teach her a lesson for the future. I really hope this isn't going to be one of these incidents where a lesson is missed, and you are not giving her the message that it was the fault of the poor bus driver.

Elle2018 · 16/06/2021 18:24

Rules are rules and I expect, as my children’s school transport do, they need to implement the them for the safety of every child. If your child was on the bus and a different child was let on without a mask what would your reaction have been then? The bus driver didn’t leave her stranded he left her at school, they would have still been responsible for her. I can’t believe the school would not have a staff member outside making sure everyone left ok.

SpangleSparkle · 16/06/2021 18:35

How can anyone think that leaving a 13 year old on the pavement with no way of getting home (they didn’t know about her Nan), be anything but unreasonable 🙄

onanislandfaraway · 16/06/2021 18:35

@InTheDrunkTank I strongly disagree that “every 13 year old should have the sense to get home from the next town” I wonder if you have children? Do you live in a rural area that would be quite dangerous to walk even as an adult? Are you aware some children have disorders that may make them unable to think critically? What if a child didn’t have money or a phone on them, yep that’s the parents responsibility but should a child be put at risk if a parent fucks up? I know my child was left at school I just mean in general.

@Iggly
Why do you have an issue with me? I just felt a bit concerned the day this happened and wanted a little rant on here. I didn’t expect it to blow up. Please read my post on p13.

I am not blaming the bus driver for not letting her on because she lost her mask, all I am saying is would it have hurt that he not said to her to make sure she goes back into school, or checked she had a mobile phone on her or asked her if she was able to find a teacher to explain to. He didn’t, as far as I am aware he just refused to let her on.

I do realise that a 13 year old girl being left at the school gates isn’t really an issue. My issue is that there doesn’t seem to be anything in place for children who lose, or have their masks stolen, they can then not board the school transport. I accept that I should have ensured she had plenty of spares. I’m not making a big drama about it I’m just thinking it would be a good idea to have boxes of spares on the bus that are provided by the school as it’s official school transport who could then charge the parents if their child ends up using them.

THINK about this, there’s not many staff in the top car park where the school buses drive off from. A young/less abled child may not think to take the 5 minute walk back down the hill into school to tell staff what’s happened, nor may they be able to contact anyone. And even a very capable child may try to get hold of others for a little while with no luck, or wait until say 4 or 5 when mam or dad get home from work then ring, not be able to get hold of them and then walk back down to school to find there’s no one there.

Another child may not want to bother others and begin the walk home alone. That may not be an issue if the route home is safe but if my DD had done that as said earlier it’s about 5 miles through a forest and very narrow bendy village lanes that I wouldn’t even walk through as an adult.

Of course we need to allow our children to gain their own independence and learn to critical think for themselves, but some like my youngest ASD child may not have that capacity when she’s my eldest’s age. We should all take responsibility as capable adults, children think their invincible, yes give them chance to grow and make their own mistakes but don’t wash your hands of responsibility because you can’t be bothered.

I GET IT! She’s 13 and was left at school, she’s not a 5 year old left in Timbuctoo

BUT

Any adult who refuses to give a child a lift home as planned should at least check that child can make other arrangements or knows to go back in to school and not watch her walk off out of school grounds without knowing if she has a phone or any other way of getting home! That’s it! I don’t leave my 30 year old girl friends on their own until I check they can get home OK, it’s called common decency!

OP posts:
Sylvan92 · 16/06/2021 18:44

[quote onanislandfaraway]@InTheDrunkTank I strongly disagree that “every 13 year old should have the sense to get home from the next town” I wonder if you have children? Do you live in a rural area that would be quite dangerous to walk even as an adult? Are you aware some children have disorders that may make them unable to think critically? What if a child didn’t have money or a phone on them, yep that’s the parents responsibility but should a child be put at risk if a parent fucks up? I know my child was left at school I just mean in general.

@Iggly
Why do you have an issue with me? I just felt a bit concerned the day this happened and wanted a little rant on here. I didn’t expect it to blow up. Please read my post on p13.

I am not blaming the bus driver for not letting her on because she lost her mask, all I am saying is would it have hurt that he not said to her to make sure she goes back into school, or checked she had a mobile phone on her or asked her if she was able to find a teacher to explain to. He didn’t, as far as I am aware he just refused to let her on.

I do realise that a 13 year old girl being left at the school gates isn’t really an issue. My issue is that there doesn’t seem to be anything in place for children who lose, or have their masks stolen, they can then not board the school transport. I accept that I should have ensured she had plenty of spares. I’m not making a big drama about it I’m just thinking it would be a good idea to have boxes of spares on the bus that are provided by the school as it’s official school transport who could then charge the parents if their child ends up using them.

THINK about this, there’s not many staff in the top car park where the school buses drive off from. A young/less abled child may not think to take the 5 minute walk back down the hill into school to tell staff what’s happened, nor may they be able to contact anyone. And even a very capable child may try to get hold of others for a little while with no luck, or wait until say 4 or 5 when mam or dad get home from work then ring, not be able to get hold of them and then walk back down to school to find there’s no one there.

Another child may not want to bother others and begin the walk home alone. That may not be an issue if the route home is safe but if my DD had done that as said earlier it’s about 5 miles through a forest and very narrow bendy village lanes that I wouldn’t even walk through as an adult.

Of course we need to allow our children to gain their own independence and learn to critical think for themselves, but some like my youngest ASD child may not have that capacity when she’s my eldest’s age. We should all take responsibility as capable adults, children think their invincible, yes give them chance to grow and make their own mistakes but don’t wash your hands of responsibility because you can’t be bothered.

I GET IT! She’s 13 and was left at school, she’s not a 5 year old left in Timbuctoo

BUT

Any adult who refuses to give a child a lift home as planned should at least check that child can make other arrangements or knows to go back in to school and not watch her walk off out of school grounds without knowing if she has a phone or any other way of getting home! That’s it! I don’t leave my 30 year old girl friends on their own until I check they can get home OK, it’s called common decency![/quote]
Op you’re absolutely right.

Allington · 16/06/2021 18:55

If your child is not capable of walking back into school to ask for help or phone a trusted adult, then you should not let them take unsupervised transport to and from school. Go with them and supervise. Don't blame other people for your lack of supervision