To think dd should save half of her wages?

[cagesnflowers]

Dd14 has her first summer job. She earns about at least 150 a week (175 will be the max in the height of summer!)

I think she should be saving at least 50 a week if not half,
Dh disagrees and says to leave her be. She's only 14. She will be babysitting most weekends though so she will earn a bit more with that!

Aibu? Wwyd?

I'd leave her be, but she could pay for non-essentials that you'd usually buy her.

@FatJan

She's an adult now at 14 so should be contributing at least a 1/3 of household costs. You should also take some extra off her as back payment for all the hours you've put in looking after her and the things you've bought for her over the years. Teach her nothing is for free. Take the lot in fact, and use it to buy yourself 'presents'.

It took me half a breath there

My dd is in the same boat. I've encouraged her to add up what she will earn over the summer and think about what she wants to do with it. It is easy to waste £100, but £1000 can get something interesting. It has made her realise she could get a new laptop (she has an old one that isn't great) or a new iphone (she has a basic smartphone but her richer friends have iphones). I'm not bothered about her saving it for the future but I would like her to get to September with something to show for it.

Sounds like you're being a bit controlling to be honest. Fair play to her for having a job and earning her own money so young, she should absolutely spend it on whatever she likes. I worked at that age too, used to get the bus to town to meet my friends on payday and spend it on CD's, clothes and stationary. I'm excellent at saving money today.

£600/month is a lot a teenage to be spending on frivolous stuff.

A friend of mines parents insisted she save 50% of her wages when she started working while she was living with them, they kept it in a separate account so she couldn’t access it and by the time she came to move out she had enough for a house deposit, it’s a bit extreme but I wish my parents had done it for me, all I’ve got to show for my money is tones of clothes that no longer fit and aren’t in fashion any more 😩

My parents were very clear on the things they'd buy for me as a teenager and the things I was expected to contribute to. Essentials including clothes, cheap phone & £10/month credit, they'd pay for. Stuff such as cds, concert tickets, I was expected to buy, while bigger items like a CD player or TV, I was expected to pay half. So I knew exactly where I stood, and what I had to save if I wanted certain things. Much more helpful than a parent advising me to save a certain percentage of my income.

She might surprise you and want to save some herself? Give her a bit of rope to show you that independence herself first!

[quote cagesnflowers]@PorkPieForStarters I suppose I'm thinking she might use some at Christmas to buy sibling/parents gifts or if she decides she wants a new phone or just to have money there in the winter months that is just hers. [/quote]
She'll learn that lesson herself and next year she'll save off her own back. Just let her enjoy it for now.

[quote cagesnflowers]@PorkPieForStarters I suppose I'm thinking she might use some at Christmas to buy sibling/parents gifts or if she decides she wants a new phone or just to have money there in the winter months that is just hers. [/quote]
Do babies not need sitting on in winter too? Will she not have more opportunities to earn money?

I'd give her some freedom to realise that she needs to budget for things she wants. She'll soon appreciate that she needs to save some.

Before I left home and had part time jobs, my dad said that if i saved any, he would match every pound as an incentive. There was no perssure either way, so I could save nothing, a pound or all of it. I was earning about £30 a week and mostly I used to save about five of it, and he would match it. I bought a car with the pot after 3 years! Required a bit of money from my dad, but encouraged the kind of behaviours and attitude to money that I think you are trying to achieve...

Remember the saying "Give a man a fish..."?

So instead of dictating to your daughter on what she should save her money for try to educate her instead - www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/2018/11/financial-education-textbooks-funded-by-martin-land-in-english-s/

I used Martin Lewis's then website to educate my younger relations to stop them wasting money. (Yes while the target age is 15/16 some 13/14 year olds do understand the concepts.)

@JeepersCreeping

Fine to say she needs to pay board, or contribute to costs i.e. dictate expectations from you, but i don't see how you're helping her by randomly coming up with a 50% figure for saving.

Surely it's up to her to manage her own cash, and this is an excellent training ground to do it?

For what it's worth, i'm excellent at managing cash - i always had clear expectations around "£X is expected for board", the rest was mine to handle.

DH had parents like yours - dictated what every penny was spent on even when he got his first job. He's fucking usless with cash, to the point where he finds it stressful. It's like he never learned to deal with financial decision making on a small scale, and cannot handle it (despite being very confident and capable in other adult ways) with a proper salaried job. It literally causes an extreme anxiety reaction.

You aren't helping your DD by micromanging using arbritary rules like this. She "should" be told to develop her own financial skills.

Butt out, i'm with your DH on this one.

Pay board at fourteen?!

Do some parents actually expect schoolchildren to cover their bills and housing? That's attrocious and not fine at all in my book.

[quote cagesnflowers]@PorkPieForStarters I suppose I'm thinking she might use some at Christmas to buy sibling/parents gifts or if she decides she wants a new phone or just to have money there in the winter months that is just hers. [/quote]
This makes me quite uncomfortable. You shouldn't be earmarking her earnings with an mental expectation that she'll use it to purchase you and her siblings gifts or to get a new phone. At 14 a new phone (if needed) should be provided by parents for safety and to keep in touch if out. She isn't earning a lot so let her enjoy what she has. If she was working full time that might be different but I think you need to consider why you want to control the small amounts she is making

Hmmm I'm torn. £600 disposable cash per month at 14 is so much money. I'm a decent saver and 'pay' myself a disposable of about 200/300 per month and very often feels plenty.

Ultimately only you know your daughter and her personality type. My niece would happily save the huge bulk of that and aim for a car at 18 and she could be trusted to do the right thing. My other niece would have a single pair of £400 trainers new per month and £200 spent on 'crap' from primark.

If I had a very frivolous daughter I'd really hammer home the enormous amount of money that she's earning and would seriously ask her to save a large amount and help her focus on large ticket items such as holidays with friends at 17/18 or cars or spending money for travelling the world. I'd really help her focus on what the money could achieve and help her realise what she could save between the ages of 14-18.

Ultimately though she needs to have the drive to do it herself and the right personality type. It wouldn't be ethical (not that it's been suggested by OP) to strictly enforce and take the money for savings.

@TheRebelle

A friend of mines parents insisted she save 50% of her wages when she started working while she was living with them, they kept it in a separate account so she couldn’t access it and by the time she came to move out she had enough for a house deposit, it’s a bit extreme but I wish my parents had done it for me, all I’ve got to show for my money is tones of clothes that no longer fit and aren’t in fashion any more 😩

And while I am sure your friend wasn’t too happy at the time I bet she was happy when she realised how much she saved

At the rate the OP’s DD is earning she could save nearly £4K a year. By the time she leaves school that is a significant amount plus she would still have loads to spend on a weekly basis to keep up with friends

@blackcat86 I think you are over reacting to be honest. I'm not earmarking I am just thinking out loud. My dd has an iPhone 12 provided by me. I think that is good enough. If she wants a new one then that's on her I'm afraid.

I buy her all her clothing (and rightly so) and I pay for her sports clubs. She's a great girl.

I merely asked if I Abu to think she should save as dh said I am.

I'd definitely encourage her to save. £600 a month is a huge amount for a 14 year old. Saving half would still leave her with more than enough to enjoy herself

She's earning so up to her.

Rather than dictating to her what she should be doing, why not sit down with her and show her how you organise your finances? "Daughter your dad and I get £3k in a month, we spend £1k on mortgage, £800 on bills, £600 on food and then we make sure we save £150 a month for emergencies and fun stuff like holidays in the future. Do you think it would be a good idea to start saving some of your money or would you prefer not to?" She's 14, not an idiot.

I'd ingrain the habit of saving, and incorporating saving in to her budget, from the start. That's one of the best life lessons you can give her imo.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to encourage her to save.
It’s hard to say how much as you’ve not given the currency. So it’s not clear if this is a huge amount of money or not.
Either way, your covering nearly all her costs as her parent, so saving between a third to half seems reasonable.

You want her to save so she can buy you a Xmas present?

Seriously?

While I agree she should be saving some of her babysitting money, I think it would be counter productive for you to take control of her money and/or force her to save. This will not result in an adult that saves. Actually, it is likely, knowing teenagers, that such parental interference would cause her to be hopeless at savings once an independent adult.

I’d encourage saving but by offering to go 50/50 on her first car...or if she saves she could afford a flat while at university instead of a tiny accommodation room....think of something fairly expensive that she definitely wants in next five years. In some way 14 is very young and you have to get them excited and wanting to save for themselves.

It can even be travel. My one DC started saving at 16 with best friend for a joint trip to Japan once they were both 18.....Covid has now put that off but they both have the cash in the bank and still plan to go although I think they will be 21 by then! They now both save out of habit and have several thousands in the bank of their own money that they earned.

@Bluntness100 and you don't agree with teaching your children that life is about giving too and not always receiving?? I know when I was her age (and still now actually) I enjoyed getting/making presents for my family and she does too!!

@Meatshake again I never said I would "dictate" anything. I wish ppl would stop implying that I'm am going to force this. It was a mere difference of opinions between myself and dh that sparked this. That is all!!