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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dd should save half of her wages?

152 replies

cagesnflowers · 14/06/2021 10:29

Dd14 has her first summer job. She earns about at least 150 a week (175 will be the max in the height of summer!)

I think she should be saving at least 50 a week if not half,
Dh disagrees and says to leave her be. She's only 14. She will be babysitting most weekends though so she will earn a bit more with that!

Aibu? Wwyd?

OP posts:
Luxplus · 14/06/2021 11:05

I would encourage but never demand. She earned it she decides

Nanniss · 14/06/2021 11:05

Does she get any sort of pocket money or allowance from you on top of this? If so what does this cover? Do you buy her shampoo, for example? Do you buy her clothes?

I think it’s absolutely fine to have conversations around what things cost and suggest she starts buying her own toiletries or clothes and pays for her own social life such as cinema trips. I think it’s also fine to talk about future expenses such as driving lessons, holidays with friends after exams in the next few years and to suggest she might like to start saving towards some of these. Also, just be open about talking about money with her.

zoemum2006 · 14/06/2021 11:05

What I say to my kids is “spend as your wish but do remember that if you spend it now you won’t have it in the future and if something comes along you really want you’ll be annoyed at yourself”.

Tal45 · 14/06/2021 11:22

I would encourage her to save some and think about what it could be used for - driving lessons for example. I would let the first few weeks go without comment but if she wasn't showing any signs of saving I'd bring up saving again and be a little more insistent. I think it's a lovely idea to think that children just learn for themselves but sometimes they need a little (or a lot!) of guidance.

Original poster
cagesnflowers · 14/06/2021 11:24

I'm not going to "demand" anything, it will just be a suggestion to do it.

@Babynames2 her siblings are only 6 and 4

OP posts:
LateAtTate · 14/06/2021 11:25

You can advise her as to what to do but not force. As pp have mentioned her spending it all and realising what she’d done is the best lesson.
Also presumably the money is for anything above and beyond what your provide for all your children. Just because DD is enterprising enough to earn she shouldn’t be punished by being made to pay for stuff her siblings get for free. Unless you plan to make all of them work when they reach the same age

Sometimesfraught82 · 14/06/2021 11:26

After the year or so she’s had

I’d want my teen to blow their money however they see fit this summer!

ApolloandDaphne · 14/06/2021 11:29

I would suggest to her that now she is earning she should get used to having to budget for things and that she should now be responsible for buying clothes, toiletries, make up, days out with her friends, books etc. Not basic stuff but the extras that are nice to have but not essential. It's hard because it is so exciting to have your first money that's yours to spend as you want! Saving seems so boring at 14 but it is a good habit to get into.

Womencanlift · 14/06/2021 11:30

OP this the time to provide some education without the pressure of telling her what to do.

Even with banks having programmes, financial education in this country is awful and leads to an issues later in life. I will never forget a friend stressing about why she was overdrawn every month even though she had an overdraft - turns out she though she got that £1000 or whatever it was every month. Didn’t realise you get it once and have to pay it back before using it again.

I would sit you DD down and explain how money works, maybe explain how you divide your money eg rent, bills, general spending and saving. She is at an age now where she will understand this

Give her the offer of helping her work out how best to split her money. Then leave her to it. Don’t bail her out when she runs out.

sillysmiles · 14/06/2021 11:30

I assume at some point she'll want to go to uni etc?
Why isn't her summer job and babysitting money seen as now is the time for her to save for that?

Sometimesfraught82 · 14/06/2021 11:33

@sillysmiles

I assume at some point she'll want to go to uni etc? Why isn't her summer job and babysitting money seen as now is the time for her to save for that?
Screw that!

She’s 14.

There’s been a pandemic last two years.

Just let her have this summer of being frivolous and fancy free

HopeValley · 14/06/2021 11:34

I recently closed a bank account with savings I'd made as a young teenager. It wasn't a lot but I wish I'd spent it at the time - it just went into my account and made no difference to my life at age 30, whereas it was worth a lot more to me at age 14 or whatever. I was always encouraged to save as a child but not sure what I was really saving for! Think it's better if you have a goal like a phone or laptop in mind, or even a car for when you're 17/18.

Maggiesfarm · 14/06/2021 11:34

It's up to your daughter if and how much she saves. I expect she will save some but please, stay out of it. She has to learn to manage her money. Good for her earning so much at 14.

BeyondMyWits · 14/06/2021 11:37

DD is 18 so a bit older now. We suggested to her when she set up online banking that she have a current account and a savings account. For Internet safety.

All her spending comes out of her current account, including when she buys stuff online. So to avoid some hacker cloning her card details etc she transfers money to her savings, only keeping what she needs in her current account.

She cottoned on to our tactic after a year or so when she had over £1,000 in her savings account. Luckily she thought it was a cool way to get her to save.

Postdatedpandemic · 14/06/2021 11:37

What she does with her money is her problem, you can advise but not force.

That's a fair bit of work for a 14yo. Your job as a parent is to make sure her job / jobs comply with child employment restrictions. www.gov.uk/child-employment/restrictions-on-child-employment

Spidey66 · 14/06/2021 11:43

I'm another one who thinks she should be encouraged to save but at the end of the day it's her money. If she goes against your advice that's down to her.

Original poster
cagesnflowers · 14/06/2021 11:47

@Postdatedpandemic we are not in the U.K.

OP posts:
emptyplinth · 14/06/2021 11:48

Agree with what Mumoftwoinprimary said.

Ponoka7 · 14/06/2021 11:48

I went with the 20% that Martin Lewis recommended. My DD'S soon learned to not waste their money, but they had to learn that for themselves. All of them are good at managing their money.

I'd started discussions about the value of money really young. I had to because I was skint. I think that she should be in control and make her mistakes early, rather than when she has real living expenses.

bravotango · 14/06/2021 11:49

I think saving should be suggested but not forced/encouraged. I was always taught to save 10% of everything that came in - that's probably enough for a one off more expensive treat in a few months, and would leave enough to have fun with over the summer.

At 14 no way would I be saving 50% to put towards things like uni/driving lessons - they will seem really far away and she might decide not to do them anyway!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 14/06/2021 11:57

I'd maybe suggest that a healthy way to manage her funds would be to split:-
1 third - save
1 third - bills (I wouldnt expect her to have any bills yet as I would still pay for phone etc for this age)
1 third - spend

Her money, her choice though, so best remembering that and just saying you are there if she wants any advice.

Postdatedpandemic · 14/06/2021 11:57

[quote cagesnflowers]@Postdatedpandemic we are not in the U.K. [/quote]
That explains a lot. It is almost impossible for a 14yo to earn that much here.

The bank account idea sounds great. Gives her a sporting chance of following your advice.

FatJan · 14/06/2021 11:59

She's an adult now at 14 so should be contributing at least a 1/3 of household costs. You should also take some extra off her as back payment for all the hours you've put in looking after her and the things you've bought for her over the years. Teach her nothing is for free. Take the lot in fact, and use it to buy yourself 'presents'.

MintyCedric · 14/06/2021 11:59

@Droppingdown

Her money, her choice. She’s the one earning it and has to learn financial responsibility. By all means sit and discuss with her and see what she’s thought about but ultimately it’s nothing to do with you, it’s her decision
This.

Dd (16) has got a part time job recently and is due to start a paid p/t internship next week which may turn out to be long term.

She has a bank account and has dedicated savings 'pots'...she's got really into fitness this year so is saving for an Apple watch, and also putting a little in a gap year fund.

That aside she's treated herself to lots of new clothes as she's dropped a couple of dress sizes over the last six months, a gym membership and a bus pass. She moaned a bit about the latter but her nan and I had both chipped in for the gym membership and she then got a better deal elsewhere so I put my foot down about being a taxi service.

She knows she'll have to start paying for her mobile phone from next month and I've pointed out that although she's getting 10 driving lessons for her birthday she will probably need to chip in for any more on top of that.

Otherwise I let her get on with it.

InnaBun · 14/06/2021 12:00

You could get her one of those account ledger notebooks so she can keep track of it. I found that helped me not spend so fast at that age.

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