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Original poster

How did you change since having a child? (If you have)

154 replies

Ifboriswasnoris · 13/06/2021 14:53

I was thinking recently how I’m tougher/harder since having my Dd, 3. I used to be more self conscious, now I can easily talk to anyone. I look worse, and definitely used to be more confident about my appearance, but it’s almost like some confidence came from somewhere and I don’t care what anyone thinks anymore, anyone else feel like this?
I also worry less about everyone else, I used to worry to the point of upset about my parents etc, now I don’t that much.,which makes me feel awful. It’s like I literally don’t have space for anything to worry about, unless it involves Dd.
I’m softer deep deep down, but mainly just in regards to her.
Motherhood is weird!
How did/has it changed you, if at all?
And why am I so tough now 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
OttilieKnackered · 13/06/2021 21:52

Drat. Clearly quoted the wrong post, was trying to agree with @ChangePart1

MissChanandlerBong90 · 13/06/2021 21:52

I’m fatter, uglier and permanently tired. I’ve got less money and less time and have a lot less sex.

I feel so weirdly vulnerable now. I love this small human so much but my happiness is entirely reliant on his happiness and well-being. That’s not something I experienced before becoming a parent and it’s not actually very pleasant.

But despite all the drawbacks, I am SO much happier than before.

GalaxyGirl24 · 13/06/2021 21:52

Also a lot more appreciative of all that my own DM does for me (and DF)

Lumene · 13/06/2021 21:53

Fatter.

Ginger1982 · 13/06/2021 22:00

@Pyewackect

Hired a nanny and went back to work within 12 weeks so it made stuff-all difference to me.
Are we all supposed to be impressed?
TheMotherlode · 13/06/2021 22:16

Before kids I used to be quite laid back, I’m now often quite highly strung. I just feel as though I have so much more to do and so much less free time, this has made me a lot more organised but also probably quite impatient and frequently irritable.

In contrast to a lot of PPs, I actually feel more career focused since becoming a mum. Beforehand I wasn’t really bothered about having money but I now feel more motivated to progress so I can afford to provide for my DC.

SaturdayMood · 13/06/2021 22:17

My job is now just a job, I don't feel the need to prove I'm excellent anymore and probably won't bother applying for the promotion that I've been working towards for the last couple of years. Not quite sure how to tell my boss that one...

I cry at things on TV-I used to be stone hearted and now I'm an emotional wreck.

SleepingStandingUp · 13/06/2021 22:17

@Pyewackect

Hired a nanny and went back to work within 12 weeks so it made stuff-all difference to me.
How old is your DC now? Even working full time, do you really think that you're exactly the same as before DC? Presumably you're actively parenting the rest of the hours and your days ofd
carrottopper · 13/06/2021 22:18

I'm a ball of anxiety. I love them to pieces but I'm a nervous wreck

MissChanandlerBong90 · 13/06/2021 22:19

I’m also a lot more tolerant and generally less judgmental of others and their mistakes. I love being a parent but I found it and still find it challenging, especially in the first six months. Now I have much more appreciation for the fact that most people are trying their best, you never know what people are going through privately, etc.

Just to be clear, I’m not trying to imply that people without children are generally judgmental or intolerant. I’m saying that pre-child me was a bit judgmental and intolerant, and the challenges of birth and early parenthood made me much more empathetic.

Fernando072020 · 13/06/2021 22:38

Mainly, it's just made me grow up a lot. Review finances, move into a bigger place, want a matching cosy home. I've moved around for over ten years and had a great time travelling and studying. Now I'm happy to settle in one place...I never thought that would be me!

I also had a lot of health anxiety previously and avoided getting help for it for years. The birth of my son prompted me to finally talk to someone and it has helped tremendously. I didn't want to transfer my anxiety onto him and so I've been working through it in counselling over zoom since January. I still have my moments but am much less anxious now and feel more able to handle situations when my son is ill / I am ill or something happens.

I also used to be a huge worrywart about being there for my family and always checking in. I don't put that pressure on myself anymore. Most of my time is taken up by my son and my family have also just been accepting of that, which I never would have expected.

I can't say I've lost interest in my career. I still want to do my PhD and become a lecturer but I'm not in a rush and am happy to take out a few years first to spend the early years with my son.

Fernando072020 · 13/06/2021 22:46

I'll also add I was a lazy cow in the housework department before. It was always just husband and myself so things never got really messy / dirty and I was just really lazy when it came to cleaning, deosite having way more time. Now I clean loads and have less time 😂 no choice with a crawling 11 month old.

AllisoninWunderland · 13/06/2021 22:51

Having DC has also made me have little interest in my career. In fact I quit to home educate them! Extreme I know.
If I ever go back into my job, I’d imagine I’d struggle to ever be as enthusiastic as I was pre-DC.
I’m softer in many ways but also tougher in others. I stand up for myself more and go into full ‘mama bear mode’ if anyone tries to upset or hurt them.
My nerves are shot-at now tho. Although I’m not an anxious person, my nervous system is more often in ‘fight or flight’ mode rather than ‘rest and digest’. I’m too often rushing or getting organised or making sure they’re ok and safe. I struggle to relax like I used to. I’m working on this.
And finally, I miss me-time!

Usernamenotavailabletryanother · 13/06/2021 22:52

I look like my own stunt double.

Original poster
Ifboriswasnoris · 13/06/2021 23:48

@irresistibleoverwhelm 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
Ifboriswasnoris · 13/06/2021 23:50

@enchantedspleen I think that’s it, there’s literally no time for all that worrying. I used to over analyse everything and worry all the time, such a waste. My thoughts are more immediate and practical now and I can’t believe how much I was ‘Inside my own head’ before. That change has been a good thing for me

OP posts:
Original poster
Ifboriswasnoris · 13/06/2021 23:52

@Ilikecheeseontoast 💜

OP posts:
Original poster
Ifboriswasnoris · 13/06/2021 23:55

@GalaxyGirl24 Totally with the ‘Lot more sensitive, but harder’ statement. It’s a strange feeling I can’t describe properly, but I’ve become harder in that I can control my emotions better and cope with life better in a ‘Just get on with it’ way. But there’s a part of me that’s become even more sensitive/softer, so soft I can’t even go there…probably doesn’t make sense!

OP posts:
irresistibleoverwhelm · 13/06/2021 23:58

[quote Ifboriswasnoris]@irresistibleoverwhelm 🤣[/quote]
The thing is, it’s actually true though 😊

GloriousMystery · 13/06/2021 23:59

[quote BeeBobny]@ChangePart1 I realise it's a controversial statement, but that's how I feel. I have some non-parent close people in my life who judge me for leaving my career ambitions behind and having settled on a secure income, safe but dull job. I don't need to be told to 'follow my dreams' when I see myself as the facilitator for my dc's dreams now. They and their happiness is my priority over my own ambitions.[/quote]
I’m a parent and I’m absolutely still all about following my own dreams, which doesn’t in any way clash with giving my child a good life.

Boobahs · 14/06/2021 00:08

I've also stopped caring about work, I have zero interest in it any more.

I'm even bigger than before (and I was big before!), rarely wear makeup, have no interest/time/money/motivation to look after my appearance, but I'm hoping to change that soon.

Get even less sleep and I wasn't a great sleeper before.

I've drifted apart from my one closest friend as life is just so busy and she doesn't have/like children so we rarely see each other any more.

I have become protective, fierce and full with worry over my children and what happens to them.

I've really come to understand the concept of multi-tasking and realised the never-ending work, both physical and mental that looking after other human beings needs.

I always knew that I would be a good mom, but I'm proud of how I've turned out in that respect.

Boobahs · 14/06/2021 00:13

@Boobahs

I've also stopped caring about work, I have zero interest in it any more.

I'm even bigger than before (and I was big before!), rarely wear makeup, have no interest/time/money/motivation to look after my appearance, but I'm hoping to change that soon.

Get even less sleep and I wasn't a great sleeper before.

I've drifted apart from my one closest friend as life is just so busy and she doesn't have/like children so we rarely see each other any more.

I have become protective, fierce and full with worry over my children and what happens to them.

I've really come to understand the concept of multi-tasking and realised the never-ending work, both physical and mental that looking after other human beings needs.

I always knew that I would be a good mom, but I'm proud of how I've turned out in that respect.

Oh and I've realised that my family are quite distant and not as close as I grew up thinking/hoping we would be. This actually really upsets me.
HumunaHey · 14/06/2021 00:50

[quote BeeBobny]@ChangePart1 I realise it's a controversial statement, but that's how I feel. I have some non-parent close people in my life who judge me for leaving my career ambitions behind and having settled on a secure income, safe but dull job. I don't need to be told to 'follow my dreams' when I see myself as the facilitator for my dc's dreams now. They and their happiness is my priority over my own ambitions.[/quote]
I think there are many dreams and ambitions you can have that don't relate to employment. I think alot of people think it's sad when women have kids and then let a career they've been building dwindle. But for me, reflecting on my career after having my DS was like an epiphany.

I was very eager to climb the ladder pre-baby but, on reflection, it was only for the sense of accomplishment and more money. The promotions I got brought greater responsibility (obviously) and just tied me down and intruded on my personal time. It bought more stress, which I naively thought I enjoyed the fast pace 🙃) . I left my role and carved out a freelance marketing career. I earn a greater rate of pay but just a little less overall (on average) each month only because I work less hours. It kind of reminded me of American Beauty when the main character quits his job/gets fired and then gets a job flipping burgers and he's much happier for it.

I really don't care to work for other people anymore but I do have ambitions to travel, improve my fitness, build a house and maintain a lifestyle that allows me to spend decent time with friends and family.

You can still have dreams of your own that aren't child centred whilst also being a facilitator for your DC's dreams while they are young.

Taikoo · 14/06/2021 01:28

@nahno123

I lost my patience, everything needs to be quick as I have zero time to waste.

I become more caring to anyone younger, more protective of them as they remind me of how I hope my DCs will be treated.

I become quicker to judge people without kids. I am not proud of this though so trying to change my mindset.

Judge people without kids on what? Does doing that make you feel better about your life decisions?
ChangePart1 · 14/06/2021 07:28

@OttilieKnackered

Drat. Clearly quoted the wrong post, was trying to agree with *@ChangePart1*
I thought about the hilarity of that comment when I loaded MN this morning! So people who are about to die of old age in a nursing home never managed to become proper grown up adults if they didn’t have kids or care for a sick relative? So bizarre. And a lot of projection.