How did you change since having a child? (If you have)

[Ifboriswasnoris]

I was thinking recently how I’m tougher/harder since having my Dd, 3. I used to be more self conscious, now I can easily talk to anyone. I look worse, and definitely used to be more confident about my appearance, but it’s almost like some confidence came from somewhere and I don’t care what anyone thinks anymore, anyone else feel like this?
I also worry less about everyone else, I used to worry to the point of upset about my parents etc, now I don’t that much.,which makes me feel awful. It’s like I literally don’t have space for anything to worry about, unless it involves Dd.
I’m softer deep deep down, but mainly just in regards to her.
Motherhood is weird!
How did/has it changed you, if at all?
And why am I so tough now 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm a lot less tolerant of my DH not pulling his weight than before we had children. The truth is, there wasn't a lot to do pre-kids so I didn't notice I was doing most of it. Now I raise the roof if he doesn't do his (still much smaller than mine) share.

I've realised that mental load really is a thing and that it's unfortunately mostly women who carry it.

I've put on weight and don't set aside as much time as I should for self-care.

I've changed from being a night owl to a lark and am up at 5am most of the time to snatch a couple of quiet hours to myself before everyone wakes up. These are my favourite hours of the day.

I've realised that I like children generally, not just my own. I find most children lovely and well-behaved, even if they all have their moments. I don't recognise the hordes of spoilt, badly-behaved brats people complain about on Mumsnet. Most parents are quick to step in if their children are out-of-line or bothering someone else.

People are very defensive on this thread. The OP asked a straightforward, interesting question but then we have people commenting who have no answer for her, just niggling.

Some very interesting answers. For me, I've never given a toss what people think, but I do think I give even less of a toss now, especially with DS 3 having SEN. Regarding him I've also become more aware of how cruel/ unfeeling/ uneducated many,many people are.

On a positive note I definitely became even closer to my DM as I really understood what her life had been like and how wonderful she really was.

It's made me more money aware..I never want us to be on the bones of our arse,ever.

Struggle to summon up a fuck to give about work these days whereas it uses to be very important to me - I just don't have the headspace!
Fatter but happier and feel a huge sense of contentment (had previously fertility issues).

I'm tougher, I just dont bother trying to please any more, its too exhausting and I always get it wrong anyway.
I'm a stricter parent than I thought I would be before I had kids, and I'm also more confident at interacting with children. I never knew how to talk to them before and I'd never held one.

I lost my career drive even though I enjoy work.
I'm fatter and take less care of my looks.... I don't care about my image.

I'm less strict than I thought I would be.

I don't know what I did with my time before kids.

I'm very busy but kinder to people generally.

I'm not so career driven anymore and I honestly find it very freeing. I've gone freelance and feel so much better being in control of my own work:life balance and not chasing the next promotion.

I've also become more health conscious and into keeping fit.

It made my world way more fragile. Of course I would have been devastated if anything had happened to anyone I loved, especially my niece and nephew, but when they told us DS might not live, I knew I'd have to go with him. I spent 18 months fracturing bit by bit and I'm not sure anything will fix it

I can suddenly function on a lot less sleep. Before DS I averaged 9 hours a night, now I average about 4 or 5.

I feel a lot more empathy for other people's children (I picture them as my DS and instantly become protective of them).

I've gained a whole new understanding of food allergies / food thanks to his severe allergies. Could have done without that one😒

@roarfeckingroarr

I've gone from mega career focused to a bit ambivalent. Like, I'll go to the next level but not fussed about becoming a director.

I'm softer and more caring my far.

I do sometimes look at people without kids and think "what do you do all day??!" m

We have a really, really nice time

I stopped being a people pleaser, for my daughter's sake.

I have also become a rabid radical feminist and don't try to hide it for fear of being labelled a "transphobic bigot" or whatever else.

I didn't lose an iota of career ambition, which I expected to.

Hired a nanny and went back to work within 12 weeks so it made stuff-all difference to me.

I cared less about my appearance.

Before having a child I would wear a full face of makeup and a fresh blow dry every single day. After becoming a parent I only wear makeup a few times per month and throw my hair up in a bun five days out of seven.

I think I’m just more confident as I am. I was confident before but even more so now. Don’t feel the need to look a certain way and feel really happy with my natural appearance.

As in, I feel I’ve never looked better :)

Depressed, anxious, tired to the very bones, fraught, poor, lonely, frustrated.
Me before children was much better in all the ways. Mental health was much more robust.

I have zero patience which is probably a bad thing when you have 2 kids and work in childcare 😆
I don't take bs anymore either

I have absolute zero time to myself. Because her dad has nothing to do with her. She's literally been away from me for 2 nights in 2 years, both of which were last thing at night until first thing in the morning.

So essentially I have no life, other than for her 😂 which is fine I guess lol

Really interesting thread!!

I’ve changed immensely, has anyone not?!

Pre kids.. was very worried what people thought about me (now couldn’t care less), would wear make up every day (yeah, right!), would always blow dry my hair (now scraped back looks fine IMO), would have a good 20 mins before going out thinking does my arse look big in this? ( now if I look ok from the front that’s totally fine, if people think I look fat, what the hell). I used to worry a lot about the health of my parents now I worry a lot about the health of my kids.

I used to go shopping and buy beautiful clothes for me, now I go shopping and buy things for them.

I think about them and their interests more than I think about my own or anyone else’s.

Fundamentally they are the only people I’d lay down my life for (sorry DH!). Whatever they do in their lives I can’t imagine anything that would sever that tie. DH and anyone else could do lots of things that would be a deal breaker but I can’t imagine however terrible things were not having a bond with my kids. I appreciate they are still little and haven’t tested that yet, but in my view it’s a love unlike any other.

I remember reading an article by Caitlin Moran a while ago which said motherhood doesn’t teach you anything that other life experiences don’t teach you and I remember thinking what an absolute load of bollocks!!!

It’s also given me even more gratitude in life. I feel so much more at peace and calm. Not a waking hour goes by where I don’t genuinely wonder how I possibly got so lucky as to be able to do this and be a parent. I was happy before kids but now I’m pretty much euphoric. Every aspect of my life has changed for the better for becoming a parent.

As a person though, my traits and personality, I don’t think I’ve really changed. I still care just as much about the things I cared about before kids. My friendships mean just as much to me, and I prioritise them like I did before. I haven’t changed who I am other than being more confident about my appearance now. Just added a whole new incredible layer onto my life. It feels like a dream has come true every day.

Re the posters with no children, I don’t think anyone means to be critical including the OP! Life was brilliant with no children (hence why I didn’t have any til late 30s). I just think that when you have kids things readjust, they have to, and become different! Not better or worse just a different ball game.

I’m about 5st fatter, tough as old boots, never wear any makeup any more, and hate everybody (except my DC)

Calmer, happier, kinder, more patience and tolerance, more confident and open. It’s carried over into professional life and makes me a better leader. I would never have guessed how life enhancing motherhood would be for me. That’s before I even think about how much I love DC. Sentimental fool!

So many ways:
Definitely look worse
Less patient
Care so much less what others think
Value my true friends and kind family members much more
Assertive in doing what is right my me and my DC
Appreciate any spare time more

@irresistibleoverwhelm

I’m about 5st fatter, tough as old boots, never wear any makeup any more, and hate everybody (except my DC)

In other words... THIS!