How did you change since having a child? (If you have)

[Ifboriswasnoris]

I was thinking recently how I’m tougher/harder since having my Dd, 3. I used to be more self conscious, now I can easily talk to anyone. I look worse, and definitely used to be more confident about my appearance, but it’s almost like some confidence came from somewhere and I don’t care what anyone thinks anymore, anyone else feel like this?
I also worry less about everyone else, I used to worry to the point of upset about my parents etc, now I don’t that much.,which makes me feel awful. It’s like I literally don’t have space for anything to worry about, unless it involves Dd.
I’m softer deep deep down, but mainly just in regards to her.
Motherhood is weird!
How did/has it changed you, if at all?
And why am I so tough now 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Sidesaladofchips

Completely lost my sense of self with my first, sleep deprivation nearly made me loose my mind too. Feel completely balanced and back to my old self now I’ve had my second. I’m learning to lead with grace and humour.

Lost: My sense of self, what few core muscles I ever had.

Gained: Some assertiveness, a much stronger protectiveness over children (used to be ambivalent about kids, now smile to/at them all the time, and any paedophile news stories or posts on here make me feel physically sick), an appreciation for quiet time and solitude, the ability to be an early riser without wanting to stab anyone.

On the whole, I feel like I'm a more well-rounded person now I'm a parent.

I don't care about work as much as I used to. I worry more. I care less about looking rough when I leave the house. My body has changed so much (saggy boobs, saggy tummy) and yet I feel the most comfortable and confident in my own skin that I've ever felt, because I'm in awe of how my body grew a whole human being and pushed it out. My bladder will never be the same again. I truly know what it is to love another human unconditionally.

Oh and I have no dignity, many a doctor / nurse has had a good rummage 'down there'.

I am much more risk averse. I used to think nothing of a walk in the wood with my dog, now I think what if I get murdered and my child is left without a mother. Work has seriously fell right down my list of priorities. I have lost all tolerance for my partners frankly emotionally abusive behavior - as soon as I realised it was affecting my child.

Some.good changes, some less so!

• More patient
• Worry more
• Not interested in holidays (but youngest is only 1, so I reckon that will change in a couple of years)
• Kinder to myself
• Less self conscious
• Tired a lot
• Less sociable - if I have a day off I prefer to spend it alone! I don't bother with evening engagements unless it's people I really like
• Have stopped caring about finding a fulfilling job - I just want something which pays well enough and is flexible

So many interesting replies 💜

Much of it resonates

I am nodding along to many of these replies.

Definitely care less about offending strangers. E.g. scooping my little ones up if a dog comes running up at the park. They're quick with the 'she's very tame' but I'm not risking it to spare a stranger's feelings.

More sensitive to all children now, when I wasn't really taken by kids before. More confident in own skin but really keen to shed a few pounds. Try to bask in the moment while my children are so young and still adore me!

Gone from thinking my parents were super strict, to thinking they were actually quite chill.

I have changed for the better. I have always been anxious and very prone to stress, very self conscious, but I literally do not have the time or energy any more to be anxious. If I'm in bed having a day long anxiety attack, who's feeding/clothing/playing with my girl? No-one. So I get up and go be a mum, which i can honestly say is the best job I have ever done. I am stronger than I have ever been, I am tougher, I am also much less of a people pleaser. It's funny as since that, I've been treated with more respect from those around me.

Same as you op! I can literally talk to anyone and don't actually care too much about it. I am far far stronger, I take no crap from anyone and I used to be a fair pushover!
I am softer in some ways though, more emotional and sentimental. It's changed me for the better I believe.

I have zero patience too 😖 I'm much more grumpy, fearful, anxious and on alert 24/7. I'm permanently angry at DH for letting me down in so many little ways and some big ways too.
I'm fiercely protective of my dc, and to me they are pure heaven. I never thought I could love anything as much as I love them. I kiss and hug and sniff them all over every single day even though they are not small toddlers anymore.
I've also turned into a shouter, nagger and a general party pooper. I have no problem telling my dc friends off or any other child for that matter.
I'm protective of anyone young, and cry for the smallest things.
I care about my health and want to live long to be there for them and their dc.
Career.. Lost interest for years, slowly building it up again.
I've come to think you're not really a proper grown up adult unless you've taken responsibility for another person's life and put their needs before your own. Be it a child, elderly parent or anyone else you're caring for. And no, pets don't count as lovely as they are..

I've come to think you're not really a proper grown up adult unless you've taken responsibility for another person's life and put their needs before your own. Be it a child, elderly parent or anyone else you're caring for. And no, pets don't count as lovely as they are..

God. As a parent, this is insufferable.

Stressed to a new level I didn't realise existed. The constant worry....

@ChangePart1 I realise it's a controversial statement, but that's how I feel. I have some non-parent close people in my life who judge me for leaving my career ambitions behind and having settled on a secure income, safe but dull job. I don't need to be told to 'follow my dreams' when I see myself as the facilitator for my dc's dreams now. They and their happiness is my priority over my own ambitions.

[quote BeeBobny]@ChangePart1 I realise it's a controversial statement, but that's how I feel. I have some non-parent close people in my life who judge me for leaving my career ambitions behind and having settled on a secure income, safe but dull job. I don't need to be told to 'follow my dreams' when I see myself as the facilitator for my dc's dreams now. They and their happiness is my priority over my own ambitions.[/quote]
Those are two separate things to me. It’s totally fine that you feel like your primary role now is to facilitate your child’s dreams. Not everyone feels like that but if you do and you’re okay with it then cool.

The issue is saying that you’re not a ‘proper grown up adult until you’ve taken responsibility for someone else’s life’ (and randomly excluding pets for some reason). I mean, if you didn’t feel like you’d matured into adulthood until you had kids then that’s your experience. But you’re applying that onto others in a really patronising strange way. Are you genuinely saying that you can’t be a grown up adult unless you have kids or end up taking responsibility for ageing relatives? People who choose to be child free or are childless due to infertility aren’t proper grown up adults?

Maybe you were especially immature pre kids and it was the making of you, but it’s somewhere between daft/naive and preposterous to think that because that was your situation it applies to everyone else.

OP are you actually me??

Like, think about it for a moment. Someone who doesn’t have kids or other caring responsibilities might have supported themselves financially and practically for years. Might have risked their lives in the military. Chosen to legally commit to another person in marriage. Qualified as a doctor, nurse, teacher, social worker, and be doing a difficult job that benefits society. Grown and nurtured and maintained numerous close lifelong friendships. Bought a house. Travelled the world.

But despite doing any or all of the above, you’re not a proper adult until you have kids or care for someone else. Can you at least explain why?

I'm steelier. I lost my job, and rather than panic about my own capabilities, worry about a new team and workplace, and dither over whether to take the new one I was offered, I just thought - well the hours and commute are perfect around DS so it is going to work out, dammit.

I'm less patient and tolerant of things like very very slow drivers, poor customer service, and friends making bad decisions, probably due to not having a proper lie-in for about 3 years.

Never thought of myself as a motherly type and yet small children seemed to gravitate towards me when I became a parent.

I became way more ambitious- I had to provide.

I became a morning person!
Definitely became softer and more understanding of vulnerable people and much tougher on arsehole people.

Mine had a life threatening illness and I became a strong advocate, didn't crumple like I may have done for myself in tough situations previously.

I lost myself a bit in the early days.

I stopped caring so much about recycling everything because there just isn't time to wash out every single empty punnet of quick food and I realised things like it isn't my fault we live in a world where everything comes in plastic and there aren't plastic free options here. I realised how messy the system is and how much we get guilted and guilt other people for things that huge corporations created/are creating and I stopped caring so much about being eco friendly/vegetarian/cooking healthy from scratch in a world which doesn't support this. I realised how much opportunity I had as a single child free person to create a fortune and I judge young single people who complain about their life who live in rich countries full of opportunity (clearly judging my younger self here!).

And then all the other things too like being more stressed, fatter, having less tolerance for other people and their wants from me. So much easier to say no too. I started being aware of the future too, whereas before I lived for the moment.

@irresistibleoverwhelm

I’m about 5st fatter, tough as old boots, never wear any makeup any more, and hate everybody (except my DC)

Are you me?!

I have significantly more wrinkles that 100% were not there prior to DD9m.

I'm knackered a lot of the time.

Very protective of free time and family time.

Low patience.

A lot more neurotic in terms of caring about things like her sleep, skin (eczema) and food.

A lot more sensitive but also harder?

I've become much softer and more tactile and emotional. Before her, even during pregnancy I was quite hardened even with my mum, not so much partner, and wasn't very huggy or over emotional, and wasn't good at talking about my feelings to anyone. Since having her though I am such a softy, I'm much more open and tactile with those I love. I initially thought I was going to be a tough 'cry it out' mum but I'm really the complete opposite haha

@Ilikecheeseontoast

OP are you actually me??

100% this. I know people who have been self supporting and independent from 16 and made a huge success of their lives. And I know people with kids who are massively pampered with a rich spouse/helpful parents/tons of money who do little of the real graft of parenthood.

The original statement is thick at best and massively offensive at worst.