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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

#whataboutweddings

188 replies

Workyticket · 13/06/2021 14:00

Thousands of people are gathering for the Euros and at Edgebasten.

Pissed people hugging and dancing in pubs when someone scores

Boris and his pals flying in from Amber countries had a lovely garden party.

BUT weddings are super spreaders apparently and it's looking like we'll miss out on having friends and family at our OUTDOOR wedding by 3 days if pushback rumours are true.

250,000 couples are waiting for tomorrow's announcement. Could these businesses are facing closure..

#whataboutweddings

#whataboutweddings
OP posts:
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12
LondonJax · 13/06/2021 21:53

I do feel for you OP, as someone who lost their parent last year and who could have exactly 6 of us at the funeral. Mum and Dad came from big families - I have over 20 cousins and they all have children who thought the world of my mum. But 6 was all we could have. Mind you, we were 'lucky' as mum died just before the Covid lockdown and not from Covid so we were with her. My sisters and I couldn't even hug on the day or go within 2 metres of each other and there was no wake afterwards.

Another member of the family died recently and she had 30 people at her funeral - no official wake but people from the funeral gathered in the garden of a local pub and there was an on line option for the service which we didn't get with mum as it wasn't brought in at the time. 6 or 30 it's still an incredibly sad time.

BUT, DH and I were talking about weddings the other day. I said I wondered if we'd have postponed our wedding if we'd married during Covid. Our guess was that we'd have gone ahead eventually but probably would have postponed first time round. When you start planning, you have a vision in your head and it's hard to shake it off.

Yes, the wedding industry is geared up to make you spend money on one day. Yes, we can all do without the dress, the meal, the bridesmaids (my aunts married during the war and wore their best dress - DHs off to fight within a few days or a couple of weeks at most). But if you've planned a day, you want that day. Wedding, funeral, kid's Christening or a special birthday. It's hard to have to put that all aside.

Yes, of course, a funeral is 'that day' and that's it. Yes, a wedding party can be held later and many will do that for future anniversaries. But I get where you're coming from and, as I said to DH the other day, he and I had our big day, big dress, expensive suit, bridesmaids and 100 guests. I have no idea how I would feel in your circumstances as I've not had to face all the endless changes. As someone said on the radio this week, it's not just rebooking a day and letting everyone know. It's then trying to make sure all the suppliers can do that day, and with weddings booked years in advance, that's not always doable.

From our point of view, as a huge extended family, we're planning a big get together some time in the future and, at that, we'll remember mum and the other members of the family we've lost since March 2020. We'll talk about them, laugh about them, raise a glass to them and enjoy our day together as a family again.

I hope you enjoy your day. It will be special, every wedding is, it just won't be what you planned and that takes getting used to.

I totally agree with @IncyWincyGrownUp - the risks taken in certain areas of life seem very oddly skewed at the moment.

JewelGarden · 13/06/2021 21:57

Yeah it is ridiculous actually that your wedding is outdoors and you can't go ahead with more than 30 people.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 13/06/2021 21:59

[quote postnatalworries]@Getyourarseofffthequattro guests test. Guests travel to venue whilst mingling with others at train stations, petrol station, hotels etc. Guests spread virus to other other guests. Of course it would cause a spread.

If you don't want the 'hypocrisy' that you speak of then the only options are opening and allowing absolutely everything up, or not allowing anything at all.

It's really, really galling for the OP though, and she is 100% justified in feeling upset. [/quote]
Well then they should open everything or stop socialising themselves.

Workyticket · 13/06/2021 22:01

@LondonJax thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful post.

I'm so sorry for your loss. We've lost too (didn't want to go i to it on here after the accusations thrown) and covid funerals are truly awful.

OP posts:
Bourbonic · 13/06/2021 22:16

[quote Workyticket]@bourbonic are you genuinely looking at the fan photos and believing what you're saying?

This pic is a pub 10 miles from our outdoor venue. No need for a negative covid test to jump about here.

Oh - and my original post mentions the 250,000 couples affected. Dont let that stop you pretending I think it's all about me though.[/quote]
You're showing a picture of people breaking the rules. What's in there is not allowed in the regulations, so obviously should not be used as a means to justify what amounts to having a party.

All of those 250,000 couples could have still married, if it were indeed the marriage rather than the party which is important.

glitterbubbles · 13/06/2021 22:21

@murbblurb

In that case don't bother. 20 mins registry office job , party another time.
Very easy to say if you haven't been planning something for years and already paid out thousands of pounds Hmm Weddings can't be planned overnight!
Workyticket · 13/06/2021 22:25

2 wrongs of course don't make a right

But why do 'normal' weddings with a party have to be one of the last things still being vilified when this is literally the scene up and down the country?

#whataboutweddings
OP posts:
Workyticket · 13/06/2021 22:39

All of those 250,000 couples could have still married, if it were indeed the marriage rather than the party which is important

We could have. Yes

And all the people bouncing about at pub could have watched the match at home

Boris and his cronies could have met on Teams or Zoom.

Why are we the ones sacrificing something we only want ?

OP posts:
Getyourarseofffthequattro · 13/06/2021 22:53

All of those 250,000 couples could have still married, if it were indeed the marriage rather than the party which is important

Not sure how we could have? First one was cancelled by the registrar and the second cancelled because the venue closed.

Not sure how we could of got married tbh. The registry office didn't take bookings for most of last year so... Go on. Enlighten me!

BogRollBOGOF · 13/06/2021 22:54

YANBU OP.
The past 15m have stamped all over the human right to a family life of which weddings (and funerals) are a part.

The one day in my life I was surrounded by nearly all of my family and friends was my wedding day. That may never happen again and it is not wrong for couples to want to maintain the social rituals that are at the core of humanity and have been for millenia.

Couples are repeatedly being put in the position of losing money and having to choose between family/ friends or putting their lives on hold.

It's gone beyond simply delaying. The backlog is growing on avaliability in the next couple of years and the numbers of suppliers are dwindling as they run too low on funds and security to survive. Many venues who continue to have overheads have closed down or gone bankrupt since March 2020.

The wedding industry might not have the financial clout of professional sports, but it's a significant employer and mainly smaller or self employed businesses, and cycles a lot of money internally round the UK economy with a substantial internal supply chain.

At least the G7 has blatently shown us the rank hypocrisy of the elites.

Workyticket · 13/06/2021 23:07

@bogrollBOGOF

you're spot on. It's beyond galling

OP posts:
yassss · 14/06/2021 00:49

@yassss

It has been widely reported this week that if there is a delay in lifting restrictions, weddings will be exempted and the 30-person limit on wedding ceremonies and receptions and christenings will end regardless on June 21.
Confirmed that the restrictions on weddings will be lifted. However freedom day to be postponed by four weeks.
Workyticket · 14/06/2021 09:23

Nothing solid yet about what we'll be allowed

#ImDone is trending - after this weekend I'm absolutely done. Why the fuck should they still dictate anything about weddings after what's gone on?

OP posts:
bloodywhitecat · 14/06/2021 11:28

@Workyticket I truly hope you get to celebrate your day in the style you have planned and thank you for your good wishes.

Workyticket · 14/06/2021 11:30

No sleep again last night - glad I'm off work today as I've had a couple of little cries.

Standing in front of 32 kids in a classroom wouldn't have been easy today

OP posts:
CheerfulBunny · 14/06/2021 11:54

I'm so sorry for anyone affected, especially people who've cancelled/postponed three or four times now. You'll get people rolling up to tell you its not essential blah blah but I honestly don't think it's too much to ask to have your day. As you have identified, a lot of it now is down to political posturing and money definitely talks.
Personally I am throughly, thoroughly sick of the whole fucking game now. I heard it described as snakes and ladders on TV at the weekend which is a good analogy.

CheerfulBunny · 14/06/2021 11:56

@bogrollBOGOF perfectly put. I'm so sorry, @Workyticket Flowers I really hope something works out for you x

Workyticket · 14/06/2021 12:04

My bloody .other just set me off again with her "at least it's not just you rhousands are in the same boat" phonecall.

OP posts:
PixiKitKat · 14/06/2021 12:07

I'm getting married in July, absolutely dreading what they may say tonight. I really didn't want to cut guests, our wedding is only 45 as it is.
We'll go ahead with 30 as we can invite all our main friends as we have very small families. I'm hoping we can keep the people even if we can't have the dancing.

I'm just glad it won't be 6 people otherwise that would have been a very shit day and so boring with just parents.

We booked our wedding in 2019 with this as our date so we've been waiting a long time for this, it's so close and I will be so gutted if it can't go ahead as originally planned.

SunAndSea37 · 14/06/2021 12:36

I'm so sorry OP! We did do the whole registry office thing with a view to having a party later (15 ppl), and to everyone asking why you don't just do that...well...did you?? It was really sad not having my nieces there when I got married. And my mum is now unwell with terminal cancer so the option of a 'proper wedding' with her is probably gone. The point is that 'just do it another time' is not an option for everyone. And we were tied into a huge deposit with a really unsympathetic venue for our bigger thing who didn't want to let us cancel/postpone.

There are bigger things to be sad about of course, and it's been an awful year for everyone, but it's ok to be sad about this too!

LeopardHawk · 14/06/2021 13:10

@SunandSea37

We did do the whole registry office thing with a view to having a party later (15 ppl), and to everyone asking why you don't just do that...well...did you??

Yes.

motogogo · 14/06/2021 13:14

I agree with you, and the village festivities and fetes etc - all lower risk than mass sport. I suspect theatre is less risk too if people wear masks, let's face it the age profile is older = double vaccinated!

I would support double vaccination + 3 weeks or lateral flow test for anything over 30 people.

Workyticket · 14/06/2021 14:41

@SunAndSea37

I'm so sorry OP! We did do the whole registry office thing with a view to having a party later (15 ppl), and to everyone asking why you don't just do that...well...did you?? It was really sad not having my nieces there when I got married. And my mum is now unwell with terminal cancer so the option of a 'proper wedding' with her is probably gone. The point is that 'just do it another time' is not an option for everyone. And we were tied into a huge deposit with a really unsympathetic venue for our bigger thing who didn't want to let us cancel/postpone.

There are bigger things to be sad about of course, and it's been an awful year for everyone, but it's ok to be sad about this too!

Perfectly put 👏
OP posts:
TotorosCatBus · 14/06/2021 18:21

Have you seen the news OP? [exciting]

yassss · 14/06/2021 18:22

@yassss

It has been widely reported this week that if there is a delay in lifting restrictions, weddings will be exempted and the 30-person limit on wedding ceremonies and receptions and christenings will end regardless on June 21.
.